Chapter 1: What transformation did Gary Gulman experience in high school?
A quick warning, there are curse words that are unbeaped in today's episode of the show. If you prefer a beeped version, you can find that at our website, thisamericanlife.org. Gary did not want to become a football player. No interest in the game at all. He was a timid kid, the kind of kid who, in baseball, would close his eyes when he was up at bat. He was so scared of getting hit by the ball.
But when you're in high school, you know, your personality is still up for grabs. And at Gary's high school, there was not one person, but two people with a very different vision of who he was. They were assistant high school football coaches and very noticeable, big personalities, and they were twins. And... I didn't really know their name. I'd seen them around.
They were super handsome and in great shape. I mean, they were ripped, and they would wear Gold's Gym tank tops and jams, these shorts, these Hawaiian shorts. They would wear those, and they had really long hair, and they were very charming, charismatic, funny.
Chapter 2: How did Gary's coaches influence his identity as an athlete?
And they were known as the Jetsons, which was this self-proclaimed nickname, I think. Wait, they called themselves the Jetsons? They referred to themselves? Yeah, because the Jetsons was people from the future, and they felt that they were. Like that. They were definitely the first people I ever noticed who referred to themselves in that, is it the third person?
Yeah.
The Jetsons are coming to get you. The Jetsons will see you. The Jetsons. That's what they would say. Sometimes they would say, Johnny Jetson will be with you today. Joe Jetson will be with you tomorrow. They're like magical figures. Yeah, they really were.
Chapter 3: What challenges did Gary face during his first football practice?
And these magical figures, these assistant football coaches, they gave Gary his own nickname in the fall of junior year. It was not a glittery name like the Jetsons. Kind of the opposite, actually. Waste, they called him. As in waste of talent to like gold man to playing football. They told him that football would get him a college scholarship. It would get him girls.
They said the newspaper would write about him. They wanted him on the team so badly because Gary was a giant compared to most of the kids playing football back then. This was in Peabody, Massachusetts, a Boston suburb near Salem in the late 80s. Most high school players back then were 5'9", 5'10". Gary was 6'6", 200 pounds. And he was athletic. Played basketball on his high school team.
Those coaches scolded him for his complete lack of aggression and for crying.
Chapter 4: How did Gary's summer training change his physical appearance?
What he really loved doing was art projects, going to the arts and crafts store, reading. He kept an enormous stuffed animal collection in his room, even in high school. He was also pretty depressed at the time. Gary's a comedian today, Gary Goleman. And on stage, when he tries to describe what he was like as a kid... I talk about being Charlie Brown.
I say, picture my childhood, Charlie Brown, if Snoopy had died. That was my childhood. I felt so sorry for him. Because Charlie Brown, the whole point of his character is that he's sad and lonely. But even that wasn't lonely enough. You have to kill off his dog. Yes. So when the Jetsons started telling him that they were going to make him into a star, he laughed it off.
He liked the attention from the Jetsons, sure, but he did not consider this seriously at all.
Chapter 5: What was the significance of Gary's first game in high school football?
Football seemed brutal. Just nonstop violent physical contact. He did not think he could cut it. Guys he knew who played football, they were so tough. Gary, on the other hand, he got picked on. He got bullied. He was bullied out of Little League. So football? No way. And then his junior year ended, and just a couple days into summer break, it was June, 6.30 in the morning, he got a phone call.
Woke him up. It's the Twins. They said, Go Man, this is the Jetsons. Meet us at the Universe Gym at 7.30. We are going to train the Go Man this summer and get the Go Man a scholarship and make the Go Man into a star.
Chapter 6: How did Gary's perception of himself change throughout the season?
By the end of the summer, you will be 245 pounds and ripped like Arnold. It was so weird and bold. And on the spur of the moment, he figures, what the hell? And he has this thought that you have sometimes as a kid. He thinks, these adults say I can do this. Maybe they're right. They were so convincing. They were so convincing. And then there was a part of you that thought like, yes, magical, man.
It was intoxicating. It was. Because they were so cool. And my entire life, my family was more of a don't get your hopes up type of attitude, a philosophy of things don't always work out the way you want them to. And so it was a very negative house. And I remember asking them, I said, do you guys really think I'm going to play on this high school football team?
Chapter 7: What led to Gary's mental health struggles during football?
I don't. I don't have that much experience in their answer. Should I swear or just... Say what really happened. Every single time I would ask them any kind of question, they'd say, fuck yeah. And not everybody was using that expression back then. That was the first instance of somebody saying that to me instead of don't get your hopes up and we'll see. It was fuck yeah.
And I just, I was like, oh my gosh, these guys are so, so exciting. And they believe in me. So that summer, every morning, he works out with the Jetsons from 7.30 to 9.30. Then they take him to a diner and they buy him a big breakfast with eggs and other proteins. At night, sometimes they teach him running routes. Remember, Gary had never played football. And it was just like the Jetsons said.
It was incredible.
Chapter 8: How did Gary ultimately redefine his identity beyond football?
It was like a rocky montage. I was getting stronger and bigger, and they would say things. They had this thing, the goal man is getting huge. The goal man is getting huge. And so by the end of the summer, how did you look? I looked fantastic, man. I had grown my hair long, like them, and clothes started to look really cool on me as I was filling out, and they were right. I weighed 240 pounds.
I could bench press 225 pounds. I ran a 4'8", 40, which was very impressive to everybody. Everything about me had changed physically. I had built this really great costume. Why do you say costume? Because it covered up who I really was. I was still the same Gary who cried at movies. So you have this man costume that you're wearing, which is your new body. Yes. I feel terrific.
And as it came time to start practices, you would think that he would be psyched to use this new body that he had created for the purpose it had been made for. Like, okay, he's Captain America. It's World War II. Bring on the Nazis. Right. But in fact, he was terrified of just getting hit, of the physical contact that's just built into football.
And a week before practice, he talks to a friend and he says to the friend, he doesn't think he can do it. He doesn't think he can go through with it. Should he call the Jetsons and tell him he's thought it over? It's not for him. I'll never forget what he said. He said, Gary, they will kill you. They spent their entire summer training you and feeding you. You can't.
You have to go through with this. So he did. He went through with it. But the problem was, as John Jetson put it, he was a daisy in a field of weeds, a lamb among conquerors. You can put a kid into a tough guy costume, but it doesn't always make him into a tough guy. And of course, adults are always trying to convince kids and inspire kids about who they can be. That's what good parents do.
That's what good teachers do. But some kids, like Gary, just have trouble going along with the plan. They want to please the adults. They want to do what they're asked. But all the while, they genuinely wonder, can they actually become the person the adults are telling them to become? Is that them? Is that who they should be? And it's totally confusing for them.
The adults in their lives seem to know what they're talking about. They're adults, for God's sake. They're supposed to know better. But the kids end up wondering in a really primal way, who am I? We're from WBEZ Chicago. It's This American Life. I'm Ira Glass. Our show today in two acts.
In the second act, adults make it so a woman can't even decide what is true about some of the most basic facts about her own history. And act one is going to be Gary's story, which we're calling Jersey Shore. That's going to happen after a quick break. Stay with us.
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