Eleanor Gordon Smith

I got interested in uncertainty years ago.

There's a kind of uncertainty that we all live with, where you don't know the answer, and it's not a big deal.

Like what time the bus is coming, who left the front door open, where that pen went.

But I wanted to know about the opposite.

High-stakes uncertainty.

Where the facts aren't decisive, and it hurts to not know what to think.

Where there are big consequences, it affects your whole life.

I wanted to know, is it possible to just sit in that kind of foundational doubt?

Or do you just have to flip a coin and pick something, anything to believe?

Which is how I got interested in Nicole Klumper.

She's 40 now, but this starts when she was 16.

And she just couldn't catch a break.

She was in foster care after her dad, who had sole custody of her for most of her life, had a stroke and died.

She'd bounced around between friends' houses, but wound up in a group home.

She started really wanting to know about her mum.

She lived nearby, just a couple hours' drive.

But they hadn't seen each other in more than ten years.

The custody court hadn't even allowed visits.

And Nicole didn't know why.

A quick warning, what I'm about to go into mentions different kinds of abuse.