Theo is back with a solo episode to talk about how he’s been getting into the Christmas spirit, what’s really going on with the New Jersey drones and the pros and cons of vigilantism. He also responds to some of your voicemails. ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Prize Picks: First time users, download the PrizePicks app, use code THEO and PrizePicks will instantly give you $50 on your first lineup of $5 or more. https://www.prizepicks.com/ Kraken: Go to http://kraken.com/theo to buy Bitcoin on the #1 crypto exchange, as ranked by Forbes Morgan & Morgan: If you’re ever injured, visit https://forthepeople.com/thispastweekend or dial Pound LAW (#529). Their fee is free unless they win. Shopify: Go to http://shopify.com/theo to sign up for a $1-per-month trial period. BlueChew: Go to http://bluechew.com to try BlueChew FREE - just pay $5 shipping at checkout. Manscaped: Go to http://manscaped.com and use code THEO to get 20% off and free international shipping. Rocket Money: Go to http://rocketmoney.com/theo to cancel your unwanted subscriptions with Rocket Money. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Cam https://www.instagram.com/cam__george/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What Christmas spirit is Theo talking about?
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Today's episode is brought to you by I have some new tour dates to let you know about. I'll be in East Lansing. I'll be in Toledo, Ohio. Rama. Ontario in the Canada. Pittsburgh, PA. Eugene, Oregon. Kennewick, Washington, Seattle. Washington, Victoria, BC in the Canada. College Station, Texas. Belton, Texas. San Antonio, Durant. Amarillo. Oxford, Mississippi. Howdy, howdy. Fayetteville, Arkansas.
Hey, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, and Tallahassee, Florida. Rosemont, Illinois, Winnipeg, and Calgary in the Canada. Get all your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. And thank you so much for your support. Put a bow on it. Put a bow on it. That's the end of the year, baby.
in the books, that's it, wrap it up, they used to have a fella in our neighborhood when I was growing up, and he had affliction, you know, when they, nobody knew what he had, you know, but he had And his daddy kind of had it. Whatever his daddy had, his daddy, you know, it got worse when he had it. When he was born, they're like, damn, he's got it.
And I remember at the holidays, they'd put a bow on him. Put a big bow on him and let him be out in the yard and let him pick up some of the driveway gravel. Make wishes on it and throw it over the fence over there by their house. But what are we talking about? Good to see everyone. Merry Christmas to you. Merry Christmas to you. Happy holidays. Happy Black Christmas.
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Chapter 2: What are the New Jersey drones all about?
That thing barely lit up. That thing missing some branches. A bird wouldn't land in that, bitch. I know that. You'd be lucky to find maybe a penguin roll up under it. I bet you couldn't find 60 birds that would live in that, bitch. That thing looks like Section 8 for swans over there. You're missing some branches on it. That looks like when you get one of those haircuts at one of those schools.
You ever been to the school where they cut it? And they have the person up front. It's his first time. It's like a school. It's a hair school. They had it in our town when I was young. And for 50 cents, they cut your hair. Or they cut it for free if you fucking walked in there. They didn't give a shit. They was just happy. to let any practice on it, right?
You come out that bitch looking like a damn guy. Everybody, you get like a six year old lesbian. I don't care what you was a male, female, B Sean, anything that put a, I don't care if you was Australian shepherd, you'd look like a damn six year old lesbian in there. They put damn a sideburns on your fucking right on the front of your head.
They, they didn't, they didn't know what they was doing in there. I think it was an Aveda Roberts or something it was called. Aveda Roberts Hair Cafe or whatever. You go in there, 50 cents. And it was some dude. He'd been a substitute teacher three weeks earlier at my school. And now he's in here. And he's shaking hands, you know. Hi, I'm, you know, I'm Reginald or whatever.
And he changed his name and it's Reginald. Bitch, you're Reginald. All right? I don't know. You know, I'll pretend with you for 45 seconds, but you're Reginald from social studies, sir. And then he'd try to trim your shit up or whatever. He'd take you. They'd wash your hair. Dude would try to fucking drown you in there. Drown you in the sink for 50 cents. You'd barely make it out that bitch, dude.
Just scary to be a part of some of that shit. What were we talking about, Trevon? Do you remember?
The London Christmas tree.
Oh, yeah. So I can relate to, you know, not getting what you pay for there, London, or getting what you pay for. You know, that's what you get, baby. What else do we have? Pornhub will block access for Floridians on January 1st. And I say this, you know, I applaud this. I have friends that work in pornography or that do it and stuff like that, and that's fine.
This is not a judgment against any of those people or any people that are involved in sex work. But no one in Florida will be able to access Pornhub, the most trafficked pornography website in the world, as of January 1st. And honestly, I think that it's good. You know, I think watching, uh, porno, uh, has, it's not, it's, it makes, for me, it makes a lot of shame inside of me.
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Chapter 4: How is the Christmas tree in London this year?
Chapter 5: What are Theo's thoughts on the upcoming TikTok ban?
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And Jessie's girl. Tiffany, get out of here. They got aliens out here. Hey, quit. Hey, bring out a couple of man. Warm up the manicotti. They got fucking aliens out here.
Aliens. You think an alien is going to come to America on a fucking drone or whatever? On some bitch ass... Toyota drone or something? Them bitches have got, it's basically a ceiling fan that's in the fucking air with a couple Christmas lights on it. Look at these aliens. Bro, aliens are doing aliens. They blink their eyes and your fucking asshole's missing.
They're, they're, they're doing, they're on another level. You think they're out here just, just running around just on, you know, 97 octane over here? Just, just peeking in neighborhoods and shit? Over here looking at a bunch of above ground swimming pools. Just watching people just singing Bruce Springsteen in above ground swimming pools over there. Outside of Trenton or whatever.
Get fracked. Stringing up these lights.
Anyway, onward.
Thank you. Been going through a little bit of a rough patch. Lost my job. Lost my house. About a year after getting a divorce.
Okay, rough patch. Lost your job and your home. Man, I'm sorry to hear that. And it's been about a year since your divorce.
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Chapter 6: What unique approach is a funeral home taking in Ohio?
Let me find a part of me that's hopeful, that's grateful, that has a that's that fight and chance. Let me find that part of me inside of me. And bring that part to the front of me. Because that's also a part of me. Just as the part of me is that wants you to see the part of me that has pain, there's a part of me that has pride and that has hope.
And that is a part of me too that sometimes I don't summon that part of me enough to the front of myself. And there's no judgment in that. I'm just kind of thinking and realizing it. I almost want to bring sometimes a little bit of a victimhood
Um, I don't know if it's a victim, but I want, I just, I want somebody to recognize, you know, uh, something, you know, I want to, you know, but, but there's also a part of me that's like, I got this, you know, I can do this. You know, I'm okay. I can handle this. I love myself. I love someone. I love someone. So these are my hopes. These are my dreams. Let me walk out into the world with that.
Let me bring that. Let that be the mirror that people see when they come up to me. And then I'll probably get more reflection out of the world that I would like than when I show up the other way. But anyway, man, I love you guys. And just thank you for coming out to the shows this year and being so supportive. And yeah. And be good to yourselves, man. You guys deserve it. Let's go out on one.
These are all from Epidemic Sounds is where we get our music from. You can listen to these bangers in there. This is The Christmas Spirit by the Snowy Hill Singers. You guys be good to yourselves. What a fun year I think we tried to have. I just pray that we can have a good one next year too. We got this, baby. Praise God, baby gang. I hate that shit. Let me get one more.
That was an antithesis of what I just said. Sorry, dude. All right, let's hear this one, guys. Love y'all. Oh, yeah, baby. Turn them lights off, baby. Turn them on, actually. I got to find my shoes. Oh, God, boy. Oh, yeah. Let me put some lotion on your legs, Big Daddy. I remember this old guy in our neighborhood would let us lotion his legs up, or his son would let him.
This man would let us lotion up his dad's legs. His dad had been in the war, I think, or in a fire or something. He would let us put the lotion on him when we were young. This reminds me of that. All right, that ain't it either. Jesus Christ, that's sad. Let's see one more that we got here. Let's try this one.
Oh, yeah. Hey, what's up? Not much, dawg. I want to go gambling. I gamble. I gamble. Hawaii Five-0.
Merry Christmas, everybody. This is the peaceful Christmas waltz by Von Meyer. Von Meyer. no relative of mine. And a special, this sounds like somebody kind of dancing their way up to heaven just on the different stairs. And that may be my buddy Donny Ader, big, I like to say, Peace and blessings to my buddy Donnie Ader. He's headed to heaven.
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