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Chapter 1: What is the significance of a fifth Wednesday in the podcast schedule?
Caution. Caution. Caution. Alert. This is a fist Wednesday. Please gather at the muster station. Please gather at the mustard station. And do nothing, please. Muster and do nothing. Yes, it's a fifth Wednesday. For those of you who surely you know by now, but we do four episodes a month. Some months have five Wednesdays in them.
Still, even now, even after our long form protest in podcast form, which is what this whole show is. But unfortunately, we've ended up in a bit of a complex legal pickle, haven't we? Because we desperately want, we actually desperately want to provide content on the fifth Wednesday of the month. But we're now being sued by the Gregorian calendar, aren't we?
which is under the auspices of the Vatican. Well, I'm being sued by a Cliff Richard calendar. Yeah. It's the one from 1979, isn't it? Which is him and loads of squirrels, isn't it? Yes, that's right. Because I think Cliff Richard's output is now owned by Omnicliff, which in turn owns the Vatican. I think the Vatican is a subsidiary of Omnicliff. That's right.
So Omnicliff, it owns United Biscuits. It owns United Carpets. Manchester United. Manchester United. And Nissan. Nissan. I qualify as middle-aged now, maybe soon. The thing that really brought it home for me was when I booked in a test drive of a Nissan recently. Wow. Just for the heck of it.
With absolutely no intention to... In fact, because you dislike Nissans so much, you just wanted to reconfirm your negative opinion of them. It's just a cheap date. If you want to impress someone...
you take them out for the test drive take them out for a nissan down the inner bypass yes oh yeah but what's tricky isn't it is that the reason it's tricky on a first date you have to be quite strategic about it is you have to pretend that you live right next to the nissan dealership that's right to pop you have to then get it get it and on the forecourt you have to say i'll meet you outside the forecourt yeah of the nissan dealership which is next door to my house you and a woman called susan with a nissan lanyard will be accompanying us throughout the
But she's... She'll absolutely laugh. Well, she's actually my ex. And what I do is, I don't like to be a sort of... I like to always be in a relationship. So I organise a brief overlap. I have actually broken up with Susan, but she still accompanies me. She keeps her everything on about upholstery. I should warn you about that. And upgrades. Try to ignore it.
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Chapter 2: What legal issues are mentioned regarding the Gregorian calendar?
Yeah. That's one of the reasons I'm dumping her, to be honest. She's constantly trying to sell me a Nissan and I already own one. So that was one of the main reasons we separated. Also, she doesn't like the Godfather films. So there's a few issues. So I do go for the overlap. I don't like a clean break.
And what happens is there's a gradual handover period of about three months where you can almost not tell when one relationship starts and the other one ends. That's how I like it to be. Isn't it? So it's very, very gradual. Also, on that first date, well, the date has to be, you have to pretend...
Going to a restaurant and then change your mind at the last minute and drive back to the Nissan dealership. It's really hard to fit that in. And listen, with me, the way you can tell whether the first date in the Nissan Micra went well is if the following week we go for a drive in a Nissan Qashqai. That's just my way of showing, of upping, you know. That's really flash out.
Upping the states a bit. Yeah, exactly. And Susan will still be there for that one. And again, you go, so this time we're going to go to TFI Fridays. You drive there. And again, you say, just like last week, there's no bloody parking. There's no bloody parking. Try a couple of manoeuvres in the car park. See how it feels. Test out. Off we go again.
Susan will talk a lot about how much you can fit in the boot. That's just something that she's kind of preoccupied with. To be honest, that's actually why I was first attracted to her.
because i do like talking about the capacity of boots and then you have to go you have to go there's no parking drive back to the nissan dealership then you walk to tfi fridays you mean tjoe fridays yeah yeah thanks for correcting me second time of asking so first time around you're just gonna let it go were you i couldn't work out if i was being a dick
You had enough time to think about it and you went, yes, I will. No, you won't. That's for the listeners to decide. That's for the listeners to decide who's being a dick. But I will point you towards Bonjoe's track record, his very, very long track record, to help you make your decision. Anyway, this is a fifth Wednesday. There is no normal episode of Three Beans Salad.
For those of you who have signed up on our Patreon, there will be an extra Beans out today. So you have got a Beans episode waiting for you. We are also off for the rest of May. Indeed. I say the rest of May. May hasn't started yet, but May's about to start. There'll be no episodes on the main feed, but the fun continues over on Patreon. Oh, yeah.
But on this main feed, we'll see you... It never stops. In June. It never stops.
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Chapter 3: How does the host relate personal experiences to car brands?
It's like a never-ending wall coming closer and closer to you. And you look round, there's another wall. One wall's got Ben's face on it. One wall's got Mike's face on it. You look up, maybe you can escape upwards. No, there's a plunging ceiling with my face on it. So it's very much a sort of two-wall, one-ceiling room, so quite easy to escape. Just go out the bottom, mate. You're fine.
Or either of the sides. I've forgotten about the sides. I've forgotten about the bloody sides, yeah. There's also a Claire Balding mezzanine as well. Yeah. Um... So, yes, we'll see you again anon. What does that mean when people say that? Well, in a bit, I guess. At some point. I don't know what the origins are. It's a good question. See you anon.
Chapter 4: What humorous strategies are discussed for first dates?
Anon. See you anon. Non-specific. It's non-specific, isn't it? I think, though, the sign that you're saying it is another sign that you maybe are becoming middle-aged. Oh, damn. I don't think you get a lot of see you anon in the sort of club circuit. Yeah.
Yeah.
There's not a lot of that going on. Yeah. Yes, that's not how a lot of DJs finish their set before they hand over to the next. Yeah. I tell you what, I'll just finish off dabbing this MDMA and then I'll see you anon. Yeah, it's not part of that scene. We assume. We assume. All right, bye. Bye. Bye.
Bye.