Is it cool to have no friends?

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What is the premise of the “no‑friends” lifestyle and why is it gaining popularity?

Unknown 0:00
This is the Guardian.
Nosheen Iqbal 0:09
Today. Are young people lonelier than ever?
Nosheen Iqbal 0:18
Something curious is happening on social media.
Unknown 0:21
As a person with no friends, here are five things that are socially acceptable to do. Welcome to the Saturday night of a single introvert in her 30s who also lives alone and I don't have any friends.
Nosheen Iqbal 0:31
People are going online to brag about having no friends. And
Unknown 0:34
I'm at a place where I'm very comfortable admitting that. But these
Nosheen Iqbal 0:38
aren't sad videos. They're not tearful confessions.
Jessica Murray 0:41
I have absolutely no girlfriends. I'm talking about like Plan.
Nosheen Iqbal 0:47
None, okay? And pretty mundane, but Oddly compelling. And suddenly. Loneliness is being rebranded on the internet as an aspirational lifestyle choice.
Unknown 0:58
So for now I appreciate, embrace and romanticize my life alone. I've built myself the perfect sanctuary to do it.
Nosheen Iqbal 1:04
A woman making herself pasta in an immaculate, greyge, minimalist apartment.
Unknown 1:12
Someone taking
Nosheen Iqbal 1:12
themselves out for solo dinner. Content creators, filming themselves, spending Saturday night alone, over and over, set to a kind of dull, ambient musac.
Unknown 1:23
Tonight, just like most Saturday nights, I have no plans. So I'm a crack open a beer and drink away my sorrows. I'm just kidding. I'm actually not lonely. I love living alone.
Nosheen Iqbal 1:35
And millions of people are watching. Thousands are commenting to say that this is their life. They feel seen. Thanks so much for sharing. But how good is it for us? And what happened to the ordinary, slightly awkward, inconvenient ways that we used to become friends? From the Guardian. I'm Noshi Nick Baal. Today in focus, why loneliness influences are going viral online.
Unknown 2:09
completely normal part of life. It is a healthy normal thing to experience. But how you move forward with that loneliness is very very important and I encourage you to do things on your own. No one is judging you. No one is watching you. It is brave to do things.
Nosheen Iqbal 2:24
Hi Tess, thanks so much for joining us on Today in Focus. Could you start with introducing yourself?
Tesla Vander 2:31
I am Tesla Vander. I'm 22 years old and I was born in the UK and grew up in New Zealand. I was home schooled. By my mom, I was home school with my brother. And I have always performed, I've always loved the arts, theatre and everything like that.

How does Tess Vander describe her personal experience of moving to London with no friends?

Tesla Vander 2:50
And I recently moved to London. On my own. Away from everything that I know, with no friends, no family, no plan. I wanted to be closer to opportunities in the acting industry my parents left. about a week after they helped me move. So I was just there on my own after that.
Nosheen Iqbal 3:15
And so you set up this Instagram account in April. One of your first posts was about, as you say, moving from your parents' home, moving down alone to London. And then there's some wholesome content about reading alone in the park, going on a solo coffee date with yourself and so on.
Tesla Vander 3:29
Everything feels okay, but I know that everything can also change in a minute. That's how I have been feeling since I've moved here. My emotions are so
Nosheen Iqbal 3:39
What did your social interactions look like in London at that point? I mean, did you find it difficult to talk to anyone?
Tesla Vander 3:47
I did, yeah, I I really just I didn't know anyone. I didn't know a soul. And I got a job. And that was really the only place that I could talk to people. And even then, a lot of people in that workspace already had friendships and had already been in London for some time. And I felt so new. I felt so out of place. And I found it really hard to connect with people. And yeah, the workspace was really the only place I was seeing people.
Nosheen Iqbal 4:19
Is loneliness something you've experienced often before, or feelings of loneliness growing up?
Tesla Vander 4:24
Yes. In my teenage years. I was in a relationship but I I never really had those friendships, those female friendships. And I think when covid hit, that isolation period was the first time I really realized that I had such a lack of friendships because there was no one to really text, there was there was none of that. I I really just felt like I had nobody in that time.
Nosheen Iqbal 4:51
I guess, you know, those kind of friendships, you know, particularly when you're young, they're so valorised in our contemporary culture, you know, I guess

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