Chapter 1: What unusual kissing habit did a listener share?
I dated a guy who would grunt when we kissed. I said, what are you doing? And he said, I will grunt at you when I want more tongue. Well, grunt away, piggy. Fuck you.
Hi, I'm Rachel from Galashiels, Scotland. Hi, I'm Hayley from Colchester, Essex, UK. Hi, I'm Veronica from Sydney, Australia.
And I approve this podcast.
Thank you.
Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Tomorrow night, we are live in Dublin. Looking forward to seeing our Irish tapas. That's going to be sick. And then next Tuesday, we are at the Troxy Theatre in London for Tony's Hens Party. If you would like to come, tonyshensparty.co.uk is your chance to get involved. I'm getting married. I'm so excited.
She's getting married. We're sending her off from Singleton into married town. Push me off. With a lovely party. Get me off. Also, this Saturday... Are you going to aim me out of my hen's party like at the confession we heard the other day? I'm planning on it. You're like, it's in the script. Saturday afternoon, we are going to be on the streets of London handing out some flyers for the show.
Trying to get some last minute people in. Yep. And... We've got some good ideas. Well, you've got some.
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Chapter 2: What are the details of Tony's upcoming hen's party?
Oh, okay. Say nothing. Say nothing. Good ideas. Yeah. Okay. Ideas. I have ideas and I'll get you to, we're a team. Yeah. You can sign off or say maybe not. Nah, it's fine. That's fine. So we'll see what we've got here. That's coming up soon. But first, let's do Normal or Nah. Let's do Normal or Nah. Tapa Matt has sent this through. Thank you, Tapa Matt. Hi, Tapa Matt.
Narrating your own life like a David Attenborough documentary. Normal or nah? I guess I have to do it now. You've got to do the voice, yeah. In a bold move, Matt goes for the thick cut sourdough. Here we observe Matt once again attempting to find his keys, a ritual he performs daily. That's a good, I think that's a good Attenborough. Sometimes dramatic, sometimes petty, sometimes inspirational.
I don't know when I started doing it, but I actually just do it daily. Like his internal monologue is David Attenborough commentating his life. Yeah. He kind of was like, is anyone else doing this? So normal or nah, Matt? It's a nah from me, but I love it. It's also a nah from me, but I think it's really fun and whimsical.
Have you seen that Instagram TikTok that's like, what are things that you do in your day that like add a bit of whimsy or like kind of cheer you up or whatever? What would yours be? Do you got anything? Well, I read this one that someone did and it always makes me giggle and it's like every time I go to do the dishes, I go, bath time, guys. And then like scrub all the dishes or like.
Let's all jump in together. And somebody else said like whenever I walk past a mirror, I go, my lady. And like tip my own hat to myself, which I just thought was so sweet. Well, I shake hands with Mabel every day and say, good day, sir. That's very sweet. I don't know if that counts. It's just whimsical. Like it's just sweet. Some things that are just like silly for being for enjoyment.
What would a line or two of David Attenborough documenting your life sound like, Tony?
She probably doesn't need a second lunch. However, she asked the team if they would like a crispy pork banh mi.
Tony has floated banh mis today. I'd like to be correctly quoted as saying, it's a bad day to be a crispy pork bun me, is what I said. And I still agree with that. I still think that it stands. It's a great day to be an Uber Eats delivery driver who's going to drive from the Vietnamese bakery to our place. And get to meet us. Yeah. Welcome. I could take the job. I could do it. Make some money.
Yeah. If we all order.
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Chapter 3: What is the 'Normal or Nah' segment about?
Instant cash out. You guys tip? For you? Charles won't. For me? Charles won't. He intended on doing 15 minutes on the treadmill, but again, eight will suffice. I think one for you, Ryan, is like, the phone was flat again. Still, he perseveres. Because your phone is flat, but you persevere. I push on. See, I think I want to hype you. I don't want you to do a shitty one about yourself.
I want to hype you up. Best friends. 23. Everyone, place your bets on my current battery level on my phone. 23%. 42%. Oh, Charles. Why wrong? 31. 31 from Lil? 33. 33. Oh, Danielle, you always do that with a bet. Did anyone say above 50? Nah. Go fuck yourselves, the lot of you. What did you say, Charles? I said 42. That's not above 50. Don't look at me like, what the fuck?
It's the highest I've ever run.
Tony? I said 23. What does that say? And it said... 93!
I put my fucking pussy in a lot of you. I won. How's that happen?
That's amazing. Did you just buy this? Does it come fully charged? Normal or nah? Normal. Grunting at someone when they want more tongue.
Tongue.
Tongue.
Tapa Carly said, I dated a guy who would grunt when we kissed. I said, what are you doing? And he said, I will grunt at you when I want more tongue. He'd done it with every partner he'd had. He'd never been in a long-term relationship. Sorry, but- Apparently, I was the weirdo for having a problem with it. You're not-
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Chapter 4: How do the hosts define whimsy in everyday life?
Carly, you're not the weirdo. You're not the problem there. Sorry, but the sentence, I will grunt when I want more tongue. I will grunt at you when I want more tongue. Sorry, I will grunt at you when I want more tongue is sickening and not in like a fierce way. That is disgusting. I will grunt at you when I want more tongue. Well, grunt away, piggy. Fuck you. I'm out of here.
Grunt yourself down the driveway and keep going. And, like, hoof on down to the fucking tongue town. Find it somewhere else. Take a long grunt off a short PR. You're acting like a real grunt. I'm not letting you in my grunt. But just, like, I think that there's, like, a... Yeah, like, there's a sexy way to... But who says when I want more tongue?
Even that bit without the grunt is still a fuck part of like thing to say.
When I want more tongue?
I actually don't have enough tongue at the moment. But surely there's like, or if that's what you want, if you're like, I'm a tongue guy. I'm a tongue guy. God, it's a day of firsts. I just never thought that I would say any of these words in a string sentence together at work. I think if you're a tongue guy, surely you'd just be like, oh, I really like it when you do that.
And then that's just something that you both do rather than like every time I want to, you know what I mean? If you're just a tongue guy, I think that's sweet. And the person can like oblige or not oblige. Like that's up to, you know, I'm not going to yuck your yum, but don't ask it like a total grunt. You're an absolute mad grunt if you think that is going to work for you.
Now,
I don't know why. Carla Grunty. Wasn't her name Carla? Carla. Is her name Carla? Carly. Carly. Carly Grunty. For some reason in my mind, this guy is either five foot ten or less or six foot five or more. I'm just picturing a fucking empty cardboard box. Just absolute, just nothing. And that dusty smell. I can't even picture a human because no one would say that. Carly, we're on your side.
Carly, we're on your side completely. Grunt if you want more fucking punches in the face. I don't know. I just got mad. Yeah, we knew. Yeah, we knew. It's controversial potentially. Tapa Melissa. Hi, Tapa Melissa. How do you know her? Using meringues to judge whether a bakery is worth buying a meat pie from. Oh, fucking no. If a bakery doesn't have meringues, I will not buy a meat pie from them.
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Chapter 5: What are the hosts' thoughts on bakery standards?
Thank you for mentioning that. Are we doing the hot take? We didn't get an answer yesterday. I did a hot take yesterday. No, no, no, like on the- Oh my gosh, I see. I don't think so. Okay, good. I don't think it's the time. No. Because I've got to really get angry for it. I mean, as we saw yesterday. Yeah, it's not the vibe. I don't think it's the right energy.
So we booked out a massive- The only hot take, more like shot take. And I take a shot. Will you be drinking on the night? Probably not. I don't think so. Definitely not during the show. Maybe after or later or maybe not. Maybe. I don't know. I just don't like it. It just doesn't make me feel good. And that's not in a shady light. It makes Charles and I feel great.
the time you know when people are like i'm not really drinking or whatever they're like and you are wow that's what you sound interesting i don't i don't ever mean it like that i just it just really doesn't make me feel good Tuesday night, which means a few days to go. Grab your tickets. We booked a massive theater, so there's room for everyone, but there's still a few seats to go.
And we really want to meet everyone. Yep. Now, we're going to be handing out some flyers on Saturday afternoon in London. A bit old school. Yep. And I've made some flyers here, and I just want to get your vibe on the messaging. If we've nailed this, are you going to feel comfortable you handing this out to strangers to invite them to your hen's party? Yeah, sure.
Does it best represent ourselves and the top community? Sure. So first of all, I've got management at Royal Albert Hall said, hell no, but your soul is screaming, hell yeah, let's go. Do we like this? Yes or no? Do you know about this? I don't know what you're, no, I don't. They wouldn't let us have it there. At the Royal Albert Hall. Yeah. I mean, it stands to reason that I would understand.
That's rude, though. Yeah. Yeah. But your soul is screaming, hell yeah, let's go. The Tony and Ryan podcast present Tony's hen's party. She's own art at Troxy Theatre. Okay, and there's all the info. I'll be honest, immediately the layout's not what I expected. What did you expect? Like a... Like just a portrait A4 or even A3, you know, but like upways.
And like, you know, the name of the show and then maybe a little picture and then the spiel at the bottom, like a poster. Well, we're testing the messaging, so I didn't want to go full poster. Okay, sure. Yeah. So the layout is I should ignore the layout. I'm just asking about the messaging. Potentially. Okay. Potentially. Okay.
So the Royal Albert Hall, I think that one might be a bit confusing because people might be like, yeah, it's at the Royal Albert Hall. Well, they said hell no. No, but is it mentioning another venue? Does that confuse the message? Management at Royal Albert Hall said, hell no. But your soul is screaming, hell yeah, let's go. Yeah. I think that offering another venue might be confusing.
Okay.
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Chapter 6: How do the hosts feel about the concept of a billion dollars?
City Ninja bullet, nice. The Ninja Doc. The Doc Ninja. Doc Ninja. God, what a crossover of jobs.
And then why freeze?
I don't know. She's just a freezer in an ice cream container. I guess because then if the thieves found it in the bin, it would still have another step. I don't know. You know what? I actually found out about your auntie. Yeah. What was she hiding? I think she's just really crazy about her privacy. Do you know how some people are?
Like, you know how people don't trust the banks and shit like that? I guess it's that kind of vibe. I've actually got some news for her. Because when I used to live in Perth... Yeah. Was she in Perth? No. Was she in Geelong? We're going to beat this out, but it's the one that lives in... I actually... Calvin Moore just got inducted into the Hawthorne Hall of Fame last night. Darcy Moore? No.
That's Darcy Moore. Oh.
Oh.
I actually went to your- He's about to play his 200th game, so I thought maybe that was relevant. Remember when he gifted Hawthorne that draw last week? No, I don't. But sorry, I was talking to Dee the other day, and so then I'm saying Darcy around. Anyway. I went to your auntie's house, found this frozen tub of ice cream. Yeah. I took it back to my thawing facility.
Yeah.
Your ice removal truck. Melted it down. Yeah. So then it just came back into little bits of paper. Yeah. Then I put it into my. Reverse blender. D blender. Yeah. No, you just turn the blender over and went the other way around. You know how with a ceiling fan, you can make it spin the other way. Yeah. That's what I mean. Reverso. Comes back. Yeah. Then I unmushed it. Yeah.
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