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The INSANE Life Of Colonel Sanders | Unsubscribe Podcast Christmas Special 2025 Ep 244
23 Dec 2025
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Merry Christmas, you guys hunting bears. So I was a dick to a child, but he deserved it. So it's all good.
I wake up with a bag over my head and ammo standing over me. Bring out my kids before I give you the 11 secret herbs.
I said black, didn't I? Very strong.
Don't say black. Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous. Brandon, his hair is fucking fabulous. Donut, a dark joke disposition. And there's a fat electrician. Welcome to Unsubscribe.
Chapter 2: What recent travel adventures are shared?
Oh shit, I need a cracky.
Check your ass. I bet there's one there.
It's good to have you back, Nick.
I love you too. Three, two, one.
hi everyone welcome to the unsubscribe podcast i'm joined today by eli doubletap the fat electrician brandon herrera myself donald operator we're doing a christmas episode right merry christmas merry christmas i've been berating kids at the snow hill merry christmas nick it's my favorite time of year bullying kids yep are you just going in my defense they deserved it what'd they do
I was like, so we go to the sled Hill cause it's like snowing and shit where I'm at. It snowed like 18 inches in three days and there's like three sled Hills. They get progressively larger. So I take my small children to the little sled Hill. which is fine. And everybody takes turns. And then some like 13 year old that's fat.
I'm only saying that because it's the only ammo I had against him proceeds to take a turn going on the sled Hill on a snowboard, which is fine. Makes it three feet down the Hill before he eats. Also fine. You got to practice to get good. That's okay. He then proceeds to walk to the bottom of the sled Hill and lay down and start building a ramp.
And after like 30 seconds of my kids standing there waiting to take the turn, I'm like, can you get up? Why? So everybody else can take a turn? You don't own the hill. The city owns the hill. And I pay taxes, you little shithead. Move. You don't pay taxes. Yes, I do. Move. And then he gets up and moves and then does it again. And then I yell at him again.
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Chapter 3: What are the kids getting for Christmas?
And then like, if you have a big sled hill, they do this thing where they chain tires together. So you can walk through the tires to get up the hill. So you're not slipping up the hill. And he then proceeds to lay down on the tires. So my little kids can't walk up the hill. So I pick my three-year-old up, and I'm like, oh, it's okay, Cash. Come here.
I'll carry you up the hill since Fatso over here wants to be a fucking slug right next to him. So you call me a slug?
Chapter 4: How does the gang feel about Colonel Sanders?
Yes, I do. You're not very nice, and you're fucking rude, kid. I'm going to go tell my dad. Fucking please. Tell him to come here, and I'll have a conversation with him.
All right, Mr. B-Log, we ain't seen Nick in a couple weeks now, right? Since the last live tour. He walked in here, angry as fuck. I don't like holidays.
I don't like fat kids at sled hills.
I don't like kids either. I'm still stuck on that rebuttal. You don't pay taxes is a wild thing for a child.
That's what I tell my son all the time. And then I punch him. Right. You yell at John. He doesn't pay taxes. You don't pay taxes. I just, I just fucking like a Molly Whopper right in the face. The funny thing is, I know that's not true because John could probably take you down now. You know,
yeah get out of here i watched it i watched it okay okay we're not gonna talk about that i might be putting money on john we were to be fair you were taking it a little easy on him i was taking it very easy on him we were having lunch the other day and they got into one of those play wrestles that very quickly turned into not a play wrestle
And what happened? We scared every fucking white woman at the lunch place that we were at.
That also did happen, yeah? Yeah. And you had two individuals standing patiently waiting to ask for a photograph, too.
And Cody didn't recognize they were just standing there. And then Cody and John start wrestling and then going faster and harder.
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Chapter 5: What significant events shaped Colonel Sanders' early life?
Yeah. And you're like, yeah, we're good forever. Ever. Okay. Well, put it in a savings account.
The residual interest is enough.
Fucking insane. That's that next level of donation.
Jesus.
we've donated a million dollars yeah we're like for for autism and veteran charities we're like a million dollars is really cool and he's like oh that's a great start just like eddie from the boys that's a nice starter watch good for you little man appreciate that the holidays are here which means it's time to give the gift a smooth my mom has a sock like that
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Chapter 6: How did Colonel Sanders transition from a gas station owner to a restaurant entrepreneur?
That was one of many things. Okay. I love that. You yellow dog. When's his video come out? before Christmas, right before Christmas. Wind is yours. It's after the live shows though, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is like the 20th, right? Oh, we can go over it. Colonel Harlan Sanders was born in the 1800s and his father died at a young age. So his mother was working in a tomato factory.
So at the age of five, he basically had to raise his four younger siblings. And that's where he got his passion for cooking. And then when he was 12, his mother remarried and he didn't get along with his stepfather. So at the age of 12, he said, fuck you. And he left home and he began doing manual labor jobs on farms and railways.
And then he falsified his birth certificate to join the United States army, went to Cuba and then came back and started working for the railroad. And he cussed like a sailor after serving in the military and kept getting fired from the railroad for beating the shit out of people repeatedly over and over and over again. and married a girl.
They had a couple of kids and then how old is he right now? He's like 18. Married a girl, had a couple of kids and kept getting fired, bouncing around from job to job. And eventually his wife is like, I'm not dealing with this guy getting, getting fired all the time. I'm going to leave him. So he gets a letter while he's on the road and working for the railroad.
Cause he like got fired, but got another job and gets this letter that, you know, his wife left him, gave up their house and gave away all the furniture. And in his autobiography, he's like, oddly mad about the furniture. Like he sued, like the getting rid of his furniture was like on par with taking his kids.
Like he's like, she gave away my furniture and the kids and she didn't have any right to give away my furniture. Like it's really upset about the furniture for some reason, but he can't do anything about the furniture. He can still do something about the kids. So he fucking goes and like concocts a plan that he's going to kidnap his kids.
And I believe in his autobiography, he says, and I quote, although I didn't really see it as kidnapping cause they was mine. So he goes to his father-in-law's house.
I mean, fair enough. Yeah.
So he goes to his father-in-law's house, and he's just, like, out in the woods. Obviously, he wasn't wearing the white suit, but in my head, he's wearing the white suit, like, out in a pile of leaves in the woods, like, waiting for his kids to come out to play. He's, like, 22.
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Chapter 7: What challenges did Colonel Sanders face in his business ventures?
That's Colonel Sanders. Bring out my kids before I give you the 11 secret herbs and spices. 100%.
Pow!
The kids never come out to play and he's like, oh, fuck it. I'm just going to go up to the door. So he goes up to the door, like, knocks. His father-in-law opens it. He's like, oh, hey, Harlan. How's it going? He's like, uh, good. So he, like, goes in the house and they, like, make small talk for a little bit. And he's like, go ahead.
It's just... the dad looking out and you just see Colonel Sanders peeking out from a tree and they're like going back.
It's like Slender Man.
Yeah, exactly. It's like, what the fuck's he doing out in the woods?
Fried chicken static.
He like goes in and like has small talk with his father-in-law and is like soon to be ex-wife for a little while. And eventually he's like, I don't know what to do. So he just kind of like gets up. He's like, all right, well, I'm going to leave. And she's like, well, where are you going? He's like, I got a job in Illinois with the railroad. And she's like, nah, you better stay here with me.
And then they just stayed married for another 37 fucking years. And he just relentlessly cheats on her. He called it Tom catting, but he was everybody.
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Chapter 8: How did Colonel Sanders become a cultural icon and KFC spokesperson?
So I'm in catting. That's what he called it. All right. So, I mean, it makes sense. That's a Southern term. Yeah. That's Tom cat. I've never heard Tom cat.
Tom cats go out.
It's an old Southern term. What is, it's like that old school mentality of like, it's not cheating if it's different zip codes. I guess back in the day where you could like go 12 miles down the road and have a whole different family and nobody'd ever fucking know. Yeah. Which happened a lot more than people. Trust me as a guy that reads world war two memoirs, I get it.
I've heard like the amount of people that were like, yeah, his first child is actually named after his girlfriend from France, like all kinds of shit like that. But, uh, so it doesn't have to kidnap his kids, gets his family back, keeps work for the railroad, gets fired. At some point he's like, I'm going to become a lawyer. So he does like correspondence, which is like through the mail.
Basically you can become a lawyer back in the day. It's like online school, but analog essentially. So it becomes a lawyer through the mail and then ends up losing his law license because he beats the fuck out of his own client in court, in court, in court. Oh man. Him and his client got into an altercation. He beat the shit out of him, lost his law license.
So then he becomes a salesman for Michelin tires and that's going good. He becomes like the regional sales guy for the South and then he loses his job because he's driving across a bridge and the bridge collapses and and it totals his car, and he can't afford a new car. So they're like, well, if you can't sell, if you don't use our tires, you can't be a tire salesman. You're fired.
So they fired him instead of just giving him a new car. I don't know why. It happened. Also, very bad luck. We're still talking about Colonel Sanders, right?
Yes.
I feel like they're just looking for an excuse to fire him at that point. He was a very disagreeable person. It sounds like. He fought his client back. in court and lost his law license that took forever, I'm assuming. Like Nick said, disagreeable. So he fucking is like living in a small town, Kentucky, doesn't have a car. So he hitchhikes to the big, like the next big city.
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