Untoxicated Podcast

Ep284 – Sexual Violations in Alcoholic Relationships

24 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Trigger warning: sexual assault and violence Unconsented sex occurs in relationships impacted by problematic alcohol consumption at a rate 18 times...

Ep283 – Kelly on Thriving when the Marriage Does Not Survive

17 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It was not her choice. Kelly shared with her husband what she needed from the marriage, and he asked for a divorce. Sometimes boundaries and detachmen...

Ep282 – Reconnecting after Detachment

10 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Attachment and connection are not the same thing. Detachment in a healthy relationship in recovery from alcoholism is a permanent state. If done with ...

Ep281 – Live Roundtable from the Bahamas

03 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You can almost hear the turquoise Caribbean waves lapping in the background of this conversation recorded live from the annual Marriagevolution retrea...

Ep280 – Moving Beyond Eggshells with Marjorie

27 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Marjorie is certified in trauma and addiction support, and she is a leader in our Echoes of Recovery program. On this episode, she helps Sheri and Mat...

Ep279 – Why Men are Failing

20 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

The industrialized world is experiencing an epidemic of men who are unemployed or underemployed, not married or dating, living with their parents, and...

Ep278 – Sex Talk with Nikki

13 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Nikki speaks boldly and vulnerably about a wide variety of taboos sex subject. From sex-drive discrepancy after childbirth to feelings of sexual broke...

Ep277 – “Freeze” as a Defense Mechanism

06 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Nervous system activation is often described as one of these four reactions: fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Sheri used all four tools to protect herse...

Ep276 – Despair and Hopelessness of the Week Between

30 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The week between the holidays carries with it a cascade of emotions for people in a relationship experiencing active addiction or recovery. Sheri and ...

Ep275 – Self-Control and Detachment from Family at the Holidays

23 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Is self-control detachment? Sheri and Matt might debate the definitions, but they agree on the value of controlling the controllables around family at...

Ep274 – Spiritual Curiosity with David Bird

16 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

David Bird is a spiritual explorer with stories to tell about the hopelessness and lack of control of addiction, and the peace and freedom of knowing ...

Ep273 – Is Sex All You Think About?

09 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Do you say or hear this question in your relationship? Sheri and Matt break down how sex drive fluctuates in both a short-term and long-term way, and ...

Ep272 – No Longer Normalizing with Tess

02 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Tess has experienced a lot of intolerable alcoholic behavior. But like so many of us, Tess was conditioned to accept the unacceptable, and now she is ...

Ep271 – The Emotional Safety Journal

25 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Physical abuse and sexual abuse are more widely understood with societally agreed upon red lines that are not to be crossed. Emotional abuse, on the o...

Ep270 – The TWFO Couple Paige and Matt Robinson

18 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Paige and Matt Robinson have survived Matt's addiction to opiates and alcohol, and now they are doing a ton to help others, especially spouses, find t...

Ep269 – When Behavior Deteriorates Faster than We can Lower Our Standards

11 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Self-esteem building is critical to both the drinker and the loved ones in recovery from addiction. On this episode, Sheri and Matt explore the role d...

Ep268 – Trust and Detachment IRL

04 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We simply cannot live without trust. Trust is foundational to human existence, and Sheri and Matt talk about how naive alcoholics are who expect trust...

Ep267 – Both Sides of Addiction with Alan Thompson

28 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

If you have experienced religious trauma, work stress, marriage distress, alcohol use disorder or the problematic drinking of a family member, this co...

Ep266 – The Fallacy of Control

21 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We are all familiar with the addictions that are associated with moral failings and a lack of willpower - stigmatized addictions to alcohol and other ...

Ep265 – Parenting in Recovery

14 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sheri and Matt have talked a lot about the impact of Matt's drinking on their kids. On this episode, the couple talks about the impact of recovery on ...

Ep264 – Live Resentment Processing

07 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

You have probably heard Sheri and Matt talk about the importance of resentment processing. Now, on this episode, listen to the couple work through rea...

Ep263 – How Does Safety Dissolve?

30 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We talk a lot about a lack of emotional safety in committed partnerships. But how do we get there? What societal, generational and toxic factors disso...

Ep262 – AnnMarie’s Transition Home

23 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

AnnMarie's divorce was final one year ago, and her physical, mental and emotional transition that has taken place over the past 12 months is remarkabl...

Ep261 – Emotional Intimacy First

16 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Intimacy repair work starts with building emotional intimacy. Even when we crave the connection of physical contact, if the emotional foundation has n...

Ep260 – Luke on Staying Sober through Divorce

09 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

When we met Luke, he was ready to get serious about sobriety, and he was eager to recover his marriage. Now, months later, he is making serious progre...

Ep259 – How Needing to be Needed Leads to Addiction

02 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Cheap Trick had it half right. As Sheri and Matt break down, it is much healthier if, "I want you to want me," than if, "I need you to need me." Need ...

Ep258 – 365 Days without a Relationship Relapse

26 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Some people count their sobriety days. For Sheri and Matt, sobriety is just a prerequisite. The really exciting day count comes as they cross over a f...

Ep257 – Victoria from Deep In It

19 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Trigger warning: domestic violence This is a unique and risky episode because Victoria is currently "in it." This is not a story with an ending, it...

Ep256 – The Value of Strong Independent Women

12 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

From kayak cross to gymnastics, where else would you turn for your Olympics recap than to Sheri and Matt. This episode has it all: compliments for Alc...

Ep255 – Meeting Your Changing Needs Roundtable

05 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The contrast between their few identifiable needs when they met their partners, and their clear needs after suffering through an alcoholic relationshi...

Ep254 – Are Resentments Holding You Back?

29 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Sheri and Matt talk a lot about processing resentments together, and how it helps repair their relationship. But what if your partner is not available...

Ep253 – Authenticity while Honoring His Memory with Melanie

22 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Melanie fell in love with her best friend - a nature-loving, long-haired bad boy with a good heart. They built a life together including marriage, kid...

Ep252 – Is Fear the Only Emotion?

15 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Matt reveals to Sheri his theory that there is only one true emotion: fear. The couple discuss how fear drive's Matt's addictions, and how fearlessnes...

Ep251 – Alcohol-Free Beverages and Culture with Billy Wynne

08 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Billy Wynne is the co-founder of Awake, Denver's first sober bar, alcohol-free bottle shop and coffee house. Billy joins Sheri and Matt to discuss the...

Ep250 – The DD 10:1 Intimacy Solution

01 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

To celebrate this milestone episode, Sheri and Matt go into more detail, and share preliminary research indications, about the importance of intimacy ...

Ep249 – Busy is a Matter of Priorities

24 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What could be a higher priority than your own health, safety, growth, and discovery? And yet, people often say they are too busy to work on recovery f...

Ep248 – Change How You Feel with Lori Pannell

17 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Lori Pannell is a leadership coach certified in Conversational Intelligence, and she is an Energy Leadership Index master practitioner. She is also a ...

Ep247 – Vulnerability Rewarded with Kathy and Mike

10 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

If you are searching for hope and inspiration, please listen to the story of Kathy and Mike Mazzerina from the Defining You podcast and facebook page....

Ep246 – Detachment is a Result, Not a Tactic

03 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Detachment is not necessarily something you do, as people often assume. Detachment is a natural result of living in hyper-vigilance, in nervous system...

Ep245 – Emotional Abuse with Paul Colaianni

27 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Everyone knows what physical abuse is, and it is clearly not acceptable in modern relationships. What makes emotional abuse so sinister is that it is ...

Ep244 – Vulnerability Makes Us Feel Normal

20 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Vulnerability and authenticity are hard when you have experienced alcoholism first or second hand, but they are also essential to recovery and discove...

Ep243 – Staying in the Relationship Roundtable, Part 2

13 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Listen to Teaubrian, Rich and Ben discuss their evolution of thinking and experiences in both personal and relationship recovery after beating alcohol...

Ep242 – Staying in the Relationship Roundtable, Part 1

06 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Listen to Jane, Karen, Nickie, Lori and Nicole describe their decision making and experiences staying in their marriages as they recover from the alco...

Ep241 – Unrespected Advice

29 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

After the chaos and trauma of active alcoholism, loved ones naturally lose respect for their drinkers. Advice from the recovering alcoholic is often n...

Ep240 – Be Nice

22 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

During Matt's active addiction, Sheri and Matt had to try to run communication through a variety of contrived filters in order to be nice to each othe...

Ep239 – Impact of Alcoholism on Sex and Intimacy Roundtable

15 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There are two things that can happen to sex and intimacy in a relationships suffering through alcoholism. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Nikk...

Ep238 – Origins of Anxiety

08 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The chaos and trauma of active addiction is obvious. But what about before we acknowledge alcoholism? What about before we cross that invisible line? ...

Ep237 – Jason Polk is Back to Talk about Marijuana and Porn

01 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Original co-host of the podcast, Jason Polk is a relationship therapist with a sub-specialization in addiction counseling. On this episode, Sheri and ...

Ep236 – Deceit Betrayal

25 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The lying is worse than the drinking. Sheri and Matt have heard this sentiment expressed countless times by partners who are suffering from the trauma...

Ep235 – Relapse with Anna and Mitchell of We Are Recovery

18 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

After five years of sobriety, Mitchell relapsed. After five years in recovery from codependency, Anna's boundaries were tested. On this episode, Sheri...

Ep234 – Military Culture

11 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Do you think your industry or environment has a heavy drinking culture? You are probably right, but you are not unique. In this episode, Sheri and Mat...

Ep233 – Toxic Relationship Patterns with Heidi Rain

04 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Heidi Rain is a relationship expert focused on the link between codependency and addiction. She helps people break free from toxic relationship patter...

Ep232 – Question FOR Listeners: When do kid decisions become unilateral?

26 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

During Matt's active addiction, Sheri had to pick and choose the times she discussed big parenting decisions with him, and there was plenty of stress ...

Ep231 – Marriagevolution Retreat Roundtable

19 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Five couples retreat under a foot of fresh powder to the Rockie Mountains to bask in the glow of the fireplace and revive sore hiking (and shovelling)...

Ep230 – Expectations

12 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What are your expectations for recovery, for you or the people around you? Some expectations are absolute necessities. Others are unachievable, and ev...

Ep229 – Roundtable: Navigating Custody of the Kids

05 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

***Trigger Warning: Death from alcohol abuse is discussed. Julie, Rachel, Becky and Melanie join the conversation and help Sheri and Matt break dow...

Ep228 – Loneliness Leads to Drinking, Drinking Leads to Loneliness

29 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We would never blame one person's alcoholism on the attitude or actions of their partner. But it is also naive to ignore that loneliness in a relation...

Ep227 – Recovery Rumble: Amber vs. Matt

22 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this corner, making her third appearance on the Untoxicated Podcast, is Master Addiction Counselor, star and host of the Put the Shovel Down YouTub...

Ep226 – Enthusiastic Consent

15 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The more Sheri and Matt learn, the more undeniable the connection is between emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, sexual satisfaction and trust. Und...

Ep225 – D!@k Olympics: Size Isn’t Everything, but You Are a Big One

08 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Early sobriety from high-functioning alcoholism is plagued with dopamine depletion and identity crisis resulting in mood swings, tension, sadness, thi...

Ep224 – Remembering Why We Fell in Love

01 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There is conflict inherent in alcoholic relationships. And conflict brings guilt. Regardless of the outcome of the relationship, the conflict and guil...

Ep223 – Reconciling the Role of Family

25 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Merry Christmas! During the holiday season, strained family relations manifest in challenging ways. There is perhaps no better time for Sheri and Matt...

Ep222 – Scary Ghost Stories of Christmases Not Long Ago

18 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It's the most wonderful time of the year. At least that's how it is hyped. If you are living through the holiday season with active alcoholism or earl...

Ep221 – Be Careful What You Wish For with Traci and Andy

11 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Traci is back on the podcast! And this time, she brought her husband, Andy, along for the conversation. It has been over three years since Traci laid ...

Ep220 – The Pain Concoction

04 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

There are a lot of universalisms in alcoholism and recovery, for the drinkers and the loved ones. One thing that sets each of us apart is the pain con...

Ep219 – Barbara’s Grief, Guilt and Growth

27 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

*** Warning: suicide and death are discussed Barbara first appeared on the podcast almost three years ago on Ep70 when she shared the story of her ...

Ep218 – Holiday Triggers and the Healing Power of Time

20 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Traditions and triggers go hand in hand, and at no time is that more prevalent than during the holiday season. Sheri and Matt discuss how triggers and...

Ep217 – Separation Roundtable: The Critical Mindset Shift

13 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We did not set out to record three episodes on the topic of relationship separation, but the response to parts one and two has been overwhelming, so w...

Ep216 – Lowered Standards and Disappointing Outcomes

06 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

***Trigger Warning - Talk of Self Harm and Suicide It is common knowledge that alcoholism is a progressive disease in relation to the volume and fr...

Ep215 – Expectations

30 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When is recovery over? When can we call declare success? Sheri and Matt discuss the baseline expectations that everyone deserves to have met in a thri...

Ep214 – The Healing Power of Separation Roundtable

23 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sheri and Matt welcome Nicole, Lisa, Sarah, Shannon and Kelly to the podcast to share their real-life experiences with separation from their alcoholic...

Ep213 – Detachment and Separation

16 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sheri and Matt deal with Matt's hypocrisy about supporting detachment in alcoholic relationships. up to and including physical separation, when the co...

Ep212 – Curiosity in Relationship Recovery

09 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

No transition was more important to Sheri's and Matt's relationship recovery than when Matt stopped telling Sheri what she was doing wrong and started...

Ep211 – The Recovery Revolution with Cory Martin

02 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Comedian and Recovery Coach, Cory Martin, joins Sheri and Matt for this insightful and deep episode That's right, she's not just about laughs. Cory pa...

Ep210 – Is My Husband’s Alcoholism My Fault?

25 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

No. That's the short version of the title question's answer. An emphatic, "no," in fact. But as with most of the world's hard-to-solve problems, there...

Ep209 – A Fit for Everyone: Recovery Program Roundtable

18 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Our six panelist share their experiences and perceptions with a wide variety of alcohol addiction recovery programs. Some common themes emerge, like t...

Ep208 – The Developing Story Writing Workshop for Teens

11 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sheri and Matt welcome the most special of guests, their daughter, Cathryn, for a return visit to the podcast. This time, instead of working through t...

Ep207 – Happily in the Middle

04 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sheri and Matt discuss the personality type that often underlies high-functioning alcoholism. Removing the alcohol doesn't change the personality, and...

Ep206 – Surviving and Thriving with Kim Augustus

28 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Kim's nervous system, her mental health and her marriage were all suffering from the trauma of addiction. A happy ending seemed woefully unlikely. But...

Ep205 – The Addiction Triangle

21 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Addiction sucks so much of the air from any relationship. Then in early sobriety, recovery work replaces alcohol taking priority over the alcoholic's ...

Ep204 – Love, Loss & Forgiveness with Bhavini

14 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It's the story of a romantic courtship and the rekindling of a spark felt when they were in their youth. Bhavini loved him and wanted so badly for it ...

Ep203 – Bravery

07 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Bravery is not just about what you do or say or refuse to tolerate. There is another component. Bravery is also about what you are up against. In this...

Ep202 – LIVE from the Echoes of Recovery Retreat

31 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Who has the right to tell the story and seek support? When you are involved in an alcoholic marriage, your stories are woven together, and opening up ...

Ep201 – Alcoholic Parenting: Teaching Dishonesty, Fear & Hatred

24 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Ep200 was Cathryn's story. Sheri's and Matt's insightful and intelligent daughter shared her experiences of growing up with high-functioning alcoholis...

Ep200 – Our Daughter, Cathryn

17 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

What better way to honor our bicentennial episode than with the most special guest in the history of the podcast, Sheri's and Matt's daughter. Cathryn...

Ep199 – Relapse

10 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

There are short-term relapses that last a day or a weekend or a week, and there are long-term relapses that last weeks or months. Can you guess which ...

Ep198 – Roundtable Q&A with Amber Hollingsworth

03 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

She is back with her signature combination of charm, empathy and brutal honesty that many of our listeners recognize from her engaging and informative...

Ep197 – The Shame and Hiding Continues after Alcohol

26 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This episode quickly devolves into an hour long therapy session for Matt. He and Sheri talk about judgement, shame and hiding, with a healthy dose of ...

Ep196 – Guilt

19 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Guilt can be a motivator. Guilt can be a moral compass. Guilt is not all bad. But the guilt that builds and festers in a family that is dealing with a...

Ep195 – Back Home Again in Alcohol(ism?)

12 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Back home Again in Indiana, and Sheri and Matt were thrust unexpectedly into the deep end of alcohol impact. If you think addiction is required in ord...

Ep194 – Vacation Anxiety and Trauma

05 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The bathing suits, blue ocean waves and smiling faces posted to social media don't tell the true story of vacations for families experiencing alcohol ...

Ep193 – Recovery Timeline

29 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sheri and Matt talk about the individual pieces of recovery all the time: resentment processing, nervous system stabilization, trust building, intimac...

Ep192 – The Power of Choice

22 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Seven women who have made the impossibly difficult choice to move on from alcoholism through divorce talk about the challenges and the triumphs of the...

Ep191 – Accountability, Envy, Fear, Anger & Blaming the Alcohol

15 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Many of the people finding success in the alcoholism recovery community embrace some form of assigning the blame to the alcohol. And yet, so many peop...

Ep190 – Demand what You Deserve

08 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you are the spouse of an alcoholic, you deserve sobriety. But even once your relationship enters sobriety, you deserve more. You deserve a partner ...

Ep189 – Will I Ever Trust Again?

01 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sheri and Matt break trust down into three components: safety, intimacy and honesty. Trust is the last thing to come back in a marriage that has suffe...

Ep188 – Relapse Threat after Rehab

24 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The threat of relapse after an inpatient rehab is real, but the threat is coming from more directions than we might understand. Sheri and Matt talk ab...

Ep187 – What is Fun?

17 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

As a drinker, alcohol was an major component of Matt's identity. And alcohol also influenced how he had fun. Phrases like, "Work hard, play hard," and...

Ep186 – Marriages in Recovery Need Sex

10 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Did the definitive statement of this episode title get your attention? We know there are strong emotions when it comes to sex and intimacy in relation...

Ep185 – Simply Health Conscious with Graham Hawley

03 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Get ready to get your nutrition, exercise and healthy habits on with Graham Hawley - certified health and wellness coach, Matt's soccer buddy and the ...