Untoxicated Podcast
Episodes
Ep184 – Danger from Within
27 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
What happens when the person you trust and most rely on for mutual protection becomes the most dangerous person in your life? Does this sound like a s...
Ep183 – The Truth Seeping Out with Mindy and Deb
20 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Warning - Discussion includes talk of self harm. Living with alcoholism means trying to keep the truth a secret. But as alcoholism progresses, the ...
Ep182 – Navigating Positive, Neutral, Negative and Silent Reactions
13 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri and Matt react to Amber Hollingsworth's advice from Ep181 about how the spouse of an alcoholic can respond to the behavior of the person sufferi...
Ep181 – Put the Shovel Down with Amber Hollingsworth
06 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
She is an addiction counselor who values the role of the family in the addiction recovery process. She shares a wealth of resources on her Hope for Fa...
Ep180 – The Role of Intimacy in Relationship Recovery
27 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri and Matt review Come As You Are, the best-selling book by Dr. Emily Nagoski. They discuss sexual anatomy and how we all have the same parts jus...
Ep179 – Worthiness Roundtable
20 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Being on the receiving end of the lies, gaslighting and manipulation of alcoholism can make it tough to feel worthy. On this special roundtable episod...
Ep178 – The Parents Alcoholism (and Recovery) Made Us
13 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri and Matt are eager to break some of the generational patterns that resulted in underlying causes of addiction for Matt. In this episode, the cou...
Ep177 – Writing the Trauma Out with Liz
06 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
When she found her husband drinking alcohol with their underage kids, the scene triggered an unexpectedly life-changing response. At first, Liz though...
Ep176 – Why Sheri and Matt Are Not Psychologists or Therapists
30 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The answer to this episode title has morphed over the years from: they couldn't imagine anyone would want to listen to what they have to say, to: "imp...
Ep175 – Couples Roundtable: The Threat of Relapse
23 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Eight loving, empathetic, hard-working alcoholism survivors sitting around a big microphone - it's a roundtable episode recorded during our winter Mar...
Ep174 – Reconciling the Joys of Alcohol
16 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
There is no arguing the fact that without alcohol, Sheri and Matt would never have met. It is also an undisputed reality that some of the best times t...
Ep173 – Blame Won’t Fix It
09 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Blame the alcohol, or the alcoholism, but don't blame the person. We say it all the time. But what if the blame isn't just something that occurs once ...
Ep172 – Here Comes the Hard Part
02 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
So you made it through the holidays...well, definitely don't let your guard down yet. January is really hard in early sobriety, and it is hard for the...
Ep171 – Community SHOUT-Outs
26 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this one-of-a-kind episode, Sheri and Matt have compiled the answers to this simple prompt from 17 participants in the SHOUT Sobriety and Echoes of...
Ep170 – Generational Trauma: Breaking the Cycle
19 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri and Matt knew they would hand down important lessons about faith and work ethic and loyalty and love of family to their kids. What they didn't i...
Ep169 – Unworthy
12 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Childhood experiences, including exposure to alcoholism, along with the gaslighting and denials from being married to an alcoholic, have left Sheri fa...
Ep168 – The Orgasm Gap and Addiction: Connecting the Dots
05 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The only thing Matt knew about a connection between orgasms and addiction when he was in active alcoholism was that he sure liked to have sex when he ...
Ep167 – No Longer Pretending with Karen and Adam
28 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
A manicured lawn, beautiful social media photos, and a well-kept house are often signs that something sinister lurks hiding behind the perfection. On ...
Ep166 – When Motivation Morphs into Addiction
21 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Do you find satisfaction in an accomplishment, or does an achievement just drive you to keep pushing forward? If you, like Matt, relate to the latter,...
Ep165 – The Lingering Voices of Trauma and Abuse with Hannah
14 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Hannah has been through a lot, and now she is recovering from her traumatic and abusive experience with the alcoholism of her husband. Sheri and Matt ...
Ep164 – Communication Mistakes with Our Kids and Why We Keep Trying
07 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
At the heart of all relationship struggles we will find communication challenges. On this episode, Sheri and Matt recall all the communication mistake...
Ep163 – Scaring Up some Holiday Peace and Joy
31 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri and Matt have had some awful alcoholic Halloween experiences. Last year, they recapped the trauma on Ep111. This year, the couple is talking abo...
Ep162 – Get Off Your Back
24 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
We humans are hard on ourselves. In fact, it is widely believed that no one will ever be as hard on us as we are on ourselves. Sheri and Matt have exp...
Ep161 – The Value of Pain
17 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Pain is thought of as an almost exclusively negative emotion and experience. But does pain serve a purpose? Is pain necessary for forward motion in ce...
Ep160 – Safety, Connection and Implied Consent with Julia and Liz
10 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
What comes first, safety or connection? Can two married people be in two different relationships when it comes to trust and implied consent? Is there ...
Ep159 – Forgiveness Roundtable
03 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Can forgiveness be achieved without an apology ever being offered? Likewise, can we find comfort in feeling remorse without ever being forgiven? On th...
Ep158 – It Takes Two to Tango
26 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In order for a relationship to survive alcoholism, both partners, the former drinker, and the spouse, need to do an amazing amout of work in recovery....
Ep157 – Food and Mood for Alcoholics and Loved Ones with Kelly Miller
19 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri and Matt welcome The Addiction Nutritionist, Kelly Miller, back to the podcast to learn more from this amazing nutrition therapist and recovery ...
Ep156 – Is “Victim” a Dirty Word?
12 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Alcoholism has lots of victims - including the drinker. High-functioning alcoholics in sobriety often have a really hard time accepting their victim s...
Ep155 – Your Wife’s Not a Bitch…but She Might Be Afraid
05 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Last week, we published this article titled, "Your Wife's Not a Bitch," to our Sober and Unashamed website and blog. We got a lot of reaction, most of...
Ep154 – Intimacy is Vulnerability
29 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri and Matt dive deep into Sheri's favorite topic: intimacy. But this discussion might not be what you are expecting. They separate emotional intim...
Ep153 – Making the Turn for Home with Mindy and Tom
22 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Do you want to know what it takes to save a marriage from alcoholism? One word: genuine humility. OK, that's two words. And it also takes therapy, gro...
Ep152 – Five Ways Alcohol Impacts Brain Chemistry
15 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The brain is the final frontier of human biology, so the full impact of alcohol on our gray matter is a topic that undergoes continuous discovery. In ...
Ep151 – New Hope after Death with Suzy Jahn
08 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The official cause of death was, "Complications of chronic ethanolism." We all knew Suzy's husband Matt was struggling and relapsing, but no one is ev...
Ep150 – Echoed Voices – Live!
01 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
To celebrate our 150th podcast episode, we gathered in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains for our first ever Echoes of Recovery retreat. We took a b...
Ep149 – Mantras: Gross and Glorified
25 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Why do we give so much power to the mantras that surround us (at least some of us do (Sheri's looking at you, Matt))? There are gross and glorified ma...
Ep148 – Phases of Relationship Recovery
18 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
There is a flow to the process of recovering a marriage from alcoholism. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the universalisms found in the eig...
Ep147 – Chaos between the Traumas
11 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Anyone who has experienced an alcoholic relationship is familiar with the traumatic events when the drinking and the aftermath spins wildly out of con...
Ep146 – Consistently Different
04 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
As a drinker, Matt's goal for the marriage was for Sheri to agree with him on morals, politics, religion, finances, parenting, etc. Only now in sobrie...
Ep145 – From Denial to Reality with Leah
27 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Leah suffered from denial for years while living with someone whose drinking became a progressively more significant problem. She describes it like li...
Ep144 – Pride Over Shame
20 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Pride, self-esteem, ego and confidence often get a bad rap in the traditional recovery community as leading to relapse. We believe the opposite is tru...
Ep143 – Write Your Story for Us All
13 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
We are thrilled to announce the "Evolution Series" as part of our Sober and Unashamed website and blog. Writing our stories of the impact of alcohol ...
Ep142 – Consequences with Allison
06 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Everyone understands the consequences associated cigarette smoking (lung cancer) or a poor diet heavy on added sugar and fat (diabetes and obesity). T...
Ep141 – Trauma of Summer Holidays and Vacations
30 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Nothing is more important to healthful, sustained recovery than staying in tune with the traumas of active alcoholism. It isn't a good idea to wallow ...
Ep140 – Ending Our Societal Love Affair with Alcohol
23 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
What are the most impactful steps we can take to decrease the massive amount of abusive drinking that is condoned in our culture? Prohibition didn't w...
Ep139 – Staying Well with Lori
16 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The decision to stay or to go when in an alcoholic relationship seems to rely on the ability of the drinker to find sobriety. Because humans can't cha...
Ep138 – Looking Back but Moving Forward with Bridget
09 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Bridget stayed with her husband as his drinking destroyed his health and their marriage. The lies, the hiding and the gaslighting is something with wh...
Ep137 – When Unacceptable Behavior is Normalized
02 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The indicators of the increase in bad behavior are everywhere. The airline industry, big city crime statistics, and alcohol industry consumption numbe...
Ep136 – Married to Addiction with Julie Sanford
25 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Julie Sanford hosts the Married to Addiction podcast, and she joins Sheri and Matt to discuss the similarities and differences in both their recovery...
Ep135 – Denial: Delaying the Inevitable
18 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Matt spent ten years working himself through the cycle of active alcoholism into permanent sobriety. What could have been accomplished in a year, took...
Ep134 – Owning Your Story with Deb
11 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The loved ones of alcoholic are often compelled to keep the trauma of addiction a secret because the drinker has a lot to hide. By stifling their stor...
Ep133 – Sheri’s Return to Open-Minded Listening
04 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
During his active addiction and early sobriety, Matt never had an idea that Sheri was interested in hearing about. Whether it was his arrogance, his g...
Ep132 – What are YOUR Needs?
28 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, it may be hard to be truthful and authentic with your partner who is dealing with or recovering from addicti...
Ep131 – The Differences between Boundaries and Ultimatums
21 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
"You do what I tell you or else," statements rarely work, and they create additional friction while weakening our relative positions in relationships....
Ep130 – Disastrous Communication in the Aftermath of Addiction
14 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
More than anything else, recovering a relationship from alcoholism is a huge communication problem. And it isn't just a problem with the words we choo...
Ep129 – Regret is where the Shame Lives
07 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
For alcoholics, there is a direct relationship between the shame from past behaviors, and a tangible liquid called alcohol. For the loved ones of alco...
Ep128 – Love Hurts: Pain Inflicted Between Generations
28 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Do you remember a correction, disciplinary action or criticism from years or decades ago that still hurts? We bet the person who delivered those words...
Ep127 – The Power of Speaking Your Truth
21 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
There is an enormous relief that comes with shining a light into the dark corners and letting the truth be heard. And it is more than emotional and me...
Ep126 – Surviving the Silence with Kate
14 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Active alcohol addiction is not always loud and chaotic. Sometimes, the silence of the person suffering the pain of addiction causes a different kind ...
Ep125 – How did Addiction and Sobriety Feel for Sheri?
07 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Experiencing the addiction and early sobriety of a loved one can feel painful, lonely, chaotic, traumatic, isolating and terrorizing for the spouses o...
Ep124 – Conquering the Two Pitfalls of Early Sobriety
31 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The healing that comes for some in the recovery from alcoholism is the result of hard work. We have to want sobriety for ourselves, and not to appease...
Ep123 – The “Hot Mess” of Intimacy in an Alcoholic Relationship
24 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Trust and alcoholism can't coexist. Intimacy is impossible without trust and vulnerability. So, alcoholism and intimacy are mutually exclusive. If you...
Ep122 – The Pain of “Helpful Advice” that Hurts with Dawn
17 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Our family and our friends mean well when they give us advice about our alcoholic marriages. The problem with well-meaning advice from people who have...
Ep121 – The Blame Game Keeps Us Stuck
10 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
As an active alcoholic, Matt put a lot of the blame for their dysfunctional marriage on Sheri. In early sobriety, he blamed himself for the overwhelmi...
Ep120 – Hard-Earned Tears with Kathy
03 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
"I look at the face that looks back at me from the mirror, and it's jarring. I look like I've aged ten years in just this last one. But it's more than...
Ep119 – Beware of the Inevitable Letdown
27 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The week after Christmas offers lots of threats to sobriety and mental health. Family tension, financial strain, an overbooked calendar, and festive e...
Ep118 – Risks of Making All the Decisions
20 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Sometimes, like in Matt's case, high-functioning alcoholics are also control-freak assholes. Other times, people who abuse alcohol withdraw leaving al...
Ep117 – Society’s Tolerance for Bad Behavior
13 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
"You sure did have a good time at the Christmas party, Matt." When he was actively drinking, Matt heard statements like that more than a few times. Bu...
Ep116 – Healing from the Fatal Scars of Alcoholism with Dusti Shay
06 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Just over a year after her husband took his own life while firmly in the grasp of alcohol addiction, Dusti Shay is ready to tell her story for the ben...
Ep115 – Saving Alcoholics and Loved Ones with Christina Veselak
29 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Christina Veselak is a mental health nutritionist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a licensed psychotherapist who founded the Academy fo...
Ep114 – Thanksgiving Dread, Drinks and Drama
22 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Alcohol plays such a prominent role in the Thanksgiving celebrations in our society that the holiday deserves a conversation all its own. On this epis...
Ep113 – Prodependence with Dr. Robert Weiss
15 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Robert Weiss, the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, to the Untoxicated Podcast. Dr. Rob has his PhD (he ...
Ep112 – We Can’t Nurture Success with Negativity
08 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
How do we expect positive outcomes in recovery when all of the language we use has a negative orientation? Stop drinking. Fix your spiritual deficienc...
Ep111 – Haunting Memories of Alcoholic Halloweens
01 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Halloween specifically, and autumn in general, is a season with high rates of relapse and drunken trauma. We are intentionally releasing this episode ...
Ep110 – The Stigma of Codependency with Dawn
25 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
There is no doubt that the loved ones of alcoholics are victims, and that they require healing from the disease as the second-hand drinkers. But the l...
Ep109 – Joyless Recovery and Underlying Issues
18 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The first year of his permanent sobriety, Matt felt like shit. It wasn't for lack of recovery effort. His pleasure neurotransmitters that had been hij...
Ep108 – Sex with Sheri and Matt
11 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
When Sheri and Matt were seeking expert advise on restoring intimacy and growing closer together in their post-alcoholic marriage, they turned to the ...
Ep107 – The Weight of Unnecessary Decisions
04 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Have you, or has someone you love, ever been absolutely determined to be done with alcohol in the morning, only to be drinking that very same evening?...
Ep106 – Confronting and Traversing the Storms with Liz
27 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The popular misperception of an alcoholic marriage is that it always comes down to a frustrated wife trying to decide if she will divorce her alcoholi...
Ep105 – Disconnected: The Needs of a Couple in Recovery
20 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
When Matt thought he most needed Sheri's support and sympathy while he was in early sobriety, Sheri was detached and focused on her own healing and in...
Ep104 – Compassionate Relationship Recovery with Karen
13 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Success stories are too rare when it comes to recovering a marriage from the ravages of alcoholism and the challenges of recovery. We are so pleased t...
Ep103 – Impact of Gaslighting
06 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The loved ones of alcoholics almost always experience gaslighting - the manipulative conversations alcoholics use to normalize excessive drinking. On ...
Ep102 – The Worry Hole: Cause or Result of High-Functioning Alcoholism
30 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Worrying about stuff seems a common characteristic of high-functioning alcoholics. The object of concern can be work related, a family matter, or fran...
Ep101 – Relationship Relapse Part 2
23 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We received so much feedback about "Ep99 - Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: Relapse", that Sheri and Matt felt compelled to address it in this unplanned fol...
Ep100 – A Recorded Session of Our Echoes of Recovery Group
16 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
100! This is episode 100! What better way could there be to celebrate than by hosting the people the podcast is for, and who inspire the topics we dis...
Ep99 – Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: Replapse
09 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
No alcohol, nor any other drugs, were involved in the making of this episode. This is about a relationship relapse back into the pit of hell. It is sa...
Ep98 – Relaxation: Overshooting the Mark with Alcohol
02 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss another way to breakdown alcoholism into two components. Alcohol creates arrogant, rude, unsatisfied drinkers ...
Ep97 – Grace in the Hurricane with Sarah
26 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Warning: Ep97 includes discussions about suicide and domestic violence. Sarah was born last of six siblings in a house dominated by alcoholism and ...
Ep96 – Soberaholic: Work is the New Alcohol
19 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Sobriety has brought improvement to the lives of Sheri and Matt and their family, but it has created a whole new set of problems, too. Matt is now rel...
Ep95 – Is My Spouse’s Alcoholism My Fault?
12 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
There are a variety of reasons an alcoholic blames his drinking on his spouse. Matt should know. He consistently blamed his alcoholism on Sheri for al...
Ep94 – Be Careful…You Might get what You Wished For
05 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the changes in mood and family involvement for Matt in sobriety compared to active alcoholism. Increased input...
Ep93 – Vacations and Holidays in an Alcoholic Relationship
28 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
When Matt was actively drinking, Sheri had to deal with three unappealing characteristics of her alcoholic husband when on vacations or celebrating ho...
Ep92 – Progress and Laughter with Nickie and Josh
21 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Nickie knew she and Josh had relationship problems. When he first declared himself an alcoholic, she couldn't believe it. She didn't want to even thin...
Ep91 – Safety to Speak Your Truth
14 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Rebuilding trust in an alcoholic relationship requires sobriety, and it requires time. There are no shortcuts, but there are things we can do to creat...
Ep90 – Your Communication Problem is Really a Competition Problem with Abby Medcalf
07 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Abby Medcalf to the podcast. Abby is an author, a podcast host, a speaker, a psychologist, a recovery survivor, and has ove...
Ep89 – Trust Starts with Predictability
31 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
All the loved ones of alcoholics want is peace, stability and predictability. How do you think that meshes with the wildly swinging pendulum of euphor...
Ep88 – Surviving the Progressive Decline with Toby
24 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Do you ever look at your spouse and wonder what they are thinking or how their drinking spiraled the way it did? Have you ever wanted to tell your sto...
Ep87 – Getting Unstuck when You’re Deep In It
17 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
People almost universally believe what they are going through is unique when they are deep in the trauma and stress of an alcoholic marriage. Sadly, b...
Ep86 – Why are We Together?: The Subtle Discovery of Sobriety
10 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Sheri took Mother's Day off from recording this episode, so Matt spends a lot of time talking about her...in endearing terms. Our listeners will surel...
Ep85 – The Mental Health of Mediocracy
03 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Most people are aware of the violent swings in the emotional and behavioral highs and lows of active alcoholism. What surprises many is the self-medic...