Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
I'm Ayesha Roscoe, and this is the Sunday Story from Up First. It's Mother's Day, and today on the show, we're celebrating single moms, because single motherhood is actually flourishing in America. And it's not like what you might think. These moms, most of them aren't teens.
I'm 44.
I'm 38.
Chapter 2: Why are more women choosing to be single mothers?
And they aren't all struggling. I am a family law attorney.
I work for a major nonprofit.
I make decent money. That was Savannah Lawrence and Bumi Akinosotu. These moms, they're choosing to have families on their own. Christine Williams is a former firefighter.
I don't remember who said it to me, but someone said, if you never get married, I think you're going to be okay. But if you never have a child, how will you feel about that? And I remember thinking... I would regret that forever.
Today on The Sunday Story, we're rethinking single motherhood in America. Stay with us.
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I'm Aisha Roscoe, and this is The Sunday Story. Today, on this Mother's Day, we'll explore why a growing number of single women are choosing to become parents. I'm joined now by NPR's Pallavi Gagoi, who's been reporting on this growing trend. She's spoken to nearly 60 single moms around the country. Pallavi, welcome to The Sunday Story. Thanks for having me, Aisha.
Happy Mother's Day to you.
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Chapter 3: What does current data say about single motherhood in America?
But Adrienne Rumley, she goes for it. You know, all that drifting, that goes out the window. She gets a secure job. And here's how she talks about the moment when Lorelai is born. She locked eyes with me, and that was the moment that I knew we were about to have one hell of a life together. Adrienne Rumley is now 38.
She's an assistant manager at a vet's clinic in Winchester, Virginia, and she's loving motherhood.
Hearing these stories and bringing up the culture wars, I know that single parenthood has been pointed to as a problem to be solved, right? So it's interesting that even in these cases where the woman is deciding to keep the baby, it's still looked at in many ways as like, this is an issue that must be solved, right? Like, this is a problem. And yet...
These women are making the choice to be single mothers, knowing that they may be judged, but also that it's really hard to do it on your own. I mean, I always say raising kids takes like five or six people at least at bare minimum. But to do it without even the partner is so hard.
So true. I mean, she's so excited about it. But she's still one parent, one pair of hands, one income.
There is not that second person with you to maybe let you take a break if you just need five minutes to go take a shower.
I mentioned to you, Aisha, how a lot of the single moms I've met are really intentional. And Ramli is one of the best examples of that. She's a 21st century mom. She has this ongoing conversation with ChatGPT on how to handle all kinds of situations that pop up. She's very thoughtful about the choices that she makes.
Listening to that and yes, you are pouring into the child, but how is she pouring into herself as an adult woman who has more than interest than probably, you know, Bluey, right?
So true. So true. I mean, you know, she's a runner, so she's part of a running club, and she's starting to date. You know, she kind of views the dating a little differently, though, now that she's a parent. And as a single mom, I mean, you can relate to this. Her availability is really limited. She might get a babysitter, say, on a Tuesday from 5 to 9 p.m. That's the window she has.
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Chapter 4: How do single mothers redefine family dynamics?
The other thing is when you choose to have a kid by yourself, sure, it's empowering. But another thing that was surprising to me, people talked about the emotional toll that that decision takes. Aisha, we talked about Stephanie Gobler. She decided to have her boys after a breakup.
But there are a lot of other women I spoke to who went the same route, and they talked about the grieving that they go through when they decide to let go of that dream of having a family with another person and raising the kids together.
Yeah, I could definitely see that being a process of letting go of what you thought things would be. Yeah.
Let me share with you the story of Nilu Rehman. She's 41 and she lives right outside of Baltimore. She works at Johns Hopkins University.
I'm a child life specialist. I work in the pediatric intensive care unit at Hopkins.
She told me she had been in a long and serious relationship with a guy who didn't want children. Eventually, they broke up and she found a sperm donor. When she got pregnant, she felt really lucky and grateful. But there were also all these really conflicting emotions that she felt.
I just remember feeling so, like, sad that I wasn't able to experience that, like, anticipation of these little beings coming into my life with somebody who was going to be equally... as, like, much a part of their life or as excited as me.
Yeah, those little beings. Aisha, she had twins, Cyrus and Leila, who are almost two now. And she's leaned on her parents to fill that void.
I think when you don't have the partner, yes, you turn to the extended family, whatever your village looks like, your community. So... the friends, family, to really kind of step in and share those moments.
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