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Chapter 1: What is the Valley episode about?
Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens!
I'm Ronnie, that's Ben. Hello, BenuniTunes!
Hi Ronnie, how's it going?
Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. Today is the Valley Day. Hope you're excited. We are, for sure. It's the end of our week here. We've had a really fun week. End of summer house. Part 20 of the aftermath or whatever they were doing. And that was really fun. If you want this on video, go to our Patreon, patreon.com slash watch what crappens.
Chapter 2: How do the characters react to their Mexico vacation?
You get all our episodes on video. You get bonus episodes. This week, I think, is Orange. What are we doing this week? Orange County or Love Island? I don't know what we're doing.
Decide right now. We haven't crossed that. We haven't crossed that bridge. Maybe we just do one last Love Island before we do an Orange County preview. I think I have things in my chest that I think I want to air. And then we can... Because we decided we're not going to fully follow Love Island on our bony anymore because... I love Love Island, but the season's a little low wattage.
And the episodes are longer than usual, I feel like. I think that Peacock is really... I think they are. I think Peacock is trying to really ratchet up that most minutes watched set, because Love Island kills it with that. They get trounced the competition. So I just have noticed... There are just one too many episodes that are an hour and 13 or an hour and 24.
And I'm like, once in a while, fine. Season premiere, fine. Casa, more. But if it's watching these people read letters to themselves... In slow monotone, we don't need to spend 25 minutes extra on that.
So, yeah, it's kind of like they do. They sure do. But we'll talk about that later in the bonus episode. Patreon is also where you get ad free listening. That's a big one. and a Discord server to talk to each other about stuff.
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Chapter 3: What challenges does Kristen face postpartum?
And sign up for free to get our weekly blog that I write. It's just a recap of all this stuff that we talk about during the week, but in written form. It's even shittier in written form. So let's get to this recap. The Valley.
Here we go. I was laughing. I don't know. I thought this was a funny episode. Just love the pain. No, I mean, I'm not laughing at Kristen going through postpartum, but I'm laughing at really lots of other things. Like, I was surprised at how much I laughed in this episode. There were, like, many things that made me giggle. Well, that's good.
We'll giggle today about it, for sure. I mean, Bravo really has such a start, fun, a fun start to the week. You know, Atlanta's been really fun. Rhode Island has been really fun. Below Deck, fucking hilarious. This season and the last season, fantastic. What else? What's after that?
When do we enter? McBee Dynasty. I mean, it's just like McBee Dynasty. I just say, look at this group of very funny and entertaining people that really should be on this network.
Okay, that's where we start to veer. Although we do have a lot of fun in those recaps. And then we go to Summer House, which has been pure toxicity and pain lately. And then the Summer House Aftermath.
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Chapter 4: How does Schwartz's birthday celebration go wrong?
And then The City, which is more Amanda and Kyle yelling. And then this one, which is Kristen Postpartum. God help us all, you know, and God bless her too. And not in the mean way, but God bless her because this is a lot. I mean, holy shit, pop out a baby, go straight back to work filming, not feeling your best, and then realizing you've saddled yourself up to Luke.
I mean, have you seen Luke's Instagram, his new Instagram thing that he has?
Oh, I went to it last year. Oh, you mean, oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking of the Van Gogh Museum. No, I haven't been to his Instagram.
He has a new, like, daddy Instagram called un, and then in all caps, super, and then in lower caps again, vised, unsupervised dad. where he talks about being a daddy. It's like he's trying to be a dad talker or whatever. Oh, please. And his bio is like, LA stranded, country born. And by the way, Kaya didn't ask for this either. Oh, really?
Then why are you soaking it up and being as much of a drama queen as you can all over TV and starting your own fucking Instagram and staying in LA and getting colored lenses to where in every interview you can muster up? Get out of here. And you weren't born in Colorado. You were born in Indiana.
i looked it up there we go well i um i can't stand that like la stranded country boy thing go back to the country then you know no one no one no one twisted your arm to come to la you've been you've been audible about how much you hate la but you've been very happy to just to be here and capitalize off it with this show about literally about la you know like it's like either beyond the show
And embrace living in the beautiful, charming San Fernando Valley. Or go back to Colorado.
Just one correction. When you say nobody twisted his arm to be in L.A. I mean, of course they did. And her name is Kristen. Of course. But no one's forcing you.
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Chapter 5: What comedic moments arise during the group dynamics?
Yeah, exactly. No one's forcing you, sir. I don't want to hear it from you. Especially someone who's so clearly soaking up to fame.
Yeah, I just feel like... I'm going to say he made a sacrifice to move to LA. He does not like this city. That's fine. People make sacrifices for the people that they love. He made a sacrifice. But don't throw it back in all of our faces every single second. You either make the sacrifice and that's just who you are.
And let us tell you how great you are that you made the sacrifice and that you deserve respect for that. Or you just don't make the sacrifice at all. But don't make the sacrifice and then want sympathy over and over and over and over and over again.
By the way, can I just tell you, I've watched a lot of McBee Dynasty and I think I actually do deserve some... Ben, you've really given some sacrifices for this show. A lot of big sacrifices. You do, daddy. You'd do a sacrifice. No, for real. When you make the sacrifice, you do it and you move on.
If you make the sacrifice and then you're drawing attention to all the sacrifices that you've made, are you really making a sacrifice or are you just putting another brick into this monument you've built for yourself?
I mean, it's true. Look how you are with the McBee dynasty. I mean, you wouldn't even know. That it's a sacrifice.
You would know the resentment that I carry about having to watch that show. I feel like I'm pretty good. You never fucking know. I'm pretty chill about not announcing how much I am put out by it.
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Chapter 6: How do the characters handle financial issues while on vacation?
Yeah.
But no, I think that you're absolutely right. It's the typical, like, oh, everything I've done for you. Oh, just fucking go. Go home, mullet. Like, nobody is begging for you to be in LA. Okay? Get the fuck out of here. So here we go. Season three, episode 12, Schwartzepalooza. Oh, God.
I knew we were in for something rotten when it's called Schwartzepalooza. Fucking A. Seriously. So catching up with everyone and their gas.
um i don't understand what they get oh that's right they all have gas that's our first bite this is that first note and i was like what is this gas and i forgot that we do start with them all being gassy it's the valley so we start with everybody farting that's that's how we go oh this is something relatable so nia's like mommy's gonna make a quesadilla and danny that you're cutting some cheeses
So Danny starts making fart noises, and then he's like really amused by his own fart noises. So he's like, hey, where's Asher? He loved this comedy bit. Asher, come over here. And Asher's like, I'm right here. Okay, daddy's cutting the cheese. Ready? I can't believe this guy didn't get farther ahead in Hollywood.
No kidding. Asher's like, yeah, I've been given the Danny ache, and there's no coming back.
yeah yeah that's the ick the ick is really strong on this one um now we go to janet and jason's and um jason's asking janet what she's decided to make and she's made spaghetti which apparently is the only thing that she can make because this is like divorce janet already i mean we go from farting to janet making spaghetti again don't come on everybody just divorce everybody on this she's a one-trick pasta pasta pony
But also spaghetti, it's like the worst. It's the dumbest pasta to make. Make a penne. It really is.
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Chapter 7: What are the highlights of the butt facial scene?
Make a rigatoni. Make a, you know, the solid ones. Not the ones that are, you know, flipping their hair and splattering everybody with sauce and getting it all over the fucking couch. You know? I know. Make a decent, like, make a respectable. Short pasta. Self-contained pasta. Orchete. You know what I mean? An orchete.
That's great. Like the best. Like, I love those things. Although I don't love when they nest in each other. Yeah. Yeah. I have to say spaghetti really is the dumbest pasta. I'm like, I feel, I love that we are aligned with this. Spaghetti is just like so annoying. And you know, I, again, I'm more, I'm more faithful to like a short pasta or more.
I have more allegiance to a short pasta than I do a long one, but even of the long pastas, no, I'm sorry. Angel hair is the worst. I mean, that's like the worst of all the pastas, right? It's like, you can't, what do you even do with that?
I think spaghetti, then fettuccine, then angel hair. And let me tell you, angel hair, only because somehow, because it's so thin, it clumps together a little bit better on a fork. Okay. But I still don't like it. It's still not doing great.
Chapter 8: What happens at the airport before the trip to Mexico?
I just don't get sloppy-ass spaghetti. You know, especially when you have a kid and furniture to worry about. And then you've got someone sick that you're bringing it on a meal train. Spaghetti is like the laziest fucking thing you can do for somebody.
I will say, this is going to be a very Ben anecdote. Recently, I was so sick of being a sloppy spaghetti eater, because I feel like you put half it in your mouth, but you can't put it all in your mouth, so then you just have to bite, and then some of it falls back on the plate. It's just gross, and I just feel like there's got to be a better way to do it.
I also feel like I can never get the right amounts, so I literally sat for an hour and watched different tutorials on the best ways to get spaghetti onto your fork. And like, there's a part of me that wants to have some spaghetti just so I can practice these techniques. But generally speaking, I agree that it's a messy thing.
And when you're spinning that fork and that one strand of spaghetti goes whipping around and there's a trebuchet of sauce. It's like a nightmare. That sucks. But I do like a Bucatini. And the only reason why I don't love a Bucatini is because there was that one guy who was on Top Chef who was so awful and he said, Bucatini's my spirit pasta.
And I was like, I can't fully embrace Bucatini now because of that guy. I think his name was Bruce.
Bucatini's better because it's like a straw. Yeah, it's got something going on. Yeah, it feels like, ooh, I'm eating a straw. Ooh, I'm going against the grain because people are so anti-straws. I'm like, fuck you, turtles, every time I eat a straw. I love turtles, obviously, but it makes me just feel rebellious.
I'll tell you, of the long pastas, probably my favorite, I think, is a muffledean. You ever had that? I feel like you're just fucking with me now. What's that? A moffletine? It's kind of like a long, slender lasagna noodle, but it's crimped its hair a little bit. You know how lasagna noodles on the side are like, yeah, I crimped this. That's what moffletine is like.
And so it's long, but it's got texture, and it's wide, so there's surface area.
That's like the Roma moffletine. Moffledine. Roma Moffieldine. So, okay. So we're at Janet and Jason's. She's still pulling spaghetti on people. Divorce. And the baby's pooping. So that's fun.
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