#3419 The Valley S3E12 Part Two: Everyone Scwartzapa-loses
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What happens during the group's arrival at the hotel in Punta Mita?
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Hello and welcome to Watch Where Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.
Um, so then, um, they go to this hotel or whatever, and they're being greeted. And they're talking about how much they love it. They're in Punta Mita. That's where you go.
Why does Jesse's credit card get declined and what are the implications?
Punta Mita. Punta de Mita. It's PK. Um, and, um, Kristen is just sitting in the back. Everybody else gets off, but Kristen's just sitting there with the baby. And they're like, okay, Kristen. And then a guy blows a, what is it, like a horn or a conch shell or something? It's like, well, I was trying to let the baby sleep, but I got shot.
I guess that's not going to happen. Rip that horn guy a new one.
How does Kristen react to the group's plans for the evening?
Thanks a lot, horn guy.
uh so zach's like oh my god look at this view it's amazing and so they check in and jesse has no money on his card so uh broke ass jesse coming with getting his card declined and he's like well my sugar mama's coming tomorrow
Yeah, Michelle is taking a victory lap. She's like, his credit card got declined.
She's like, I told you so, people. Okay? The guy is broke. And Lala's like, um, yeah, I thought you were going to have to give your credit card to Jesse's. She's like, um, he gave another guard. He's like, that is weird.
What challenges does Kristen face during the vacation?
That would never happen. And I'm like, oh, okay.
So then they're all kind of like about to go off to their rooms because they all have their keys and everything. And Tom is talking to Luke at that front desk. He's like, okay, well, I'll get a drink with you when we go to, how about before the ocean? So you want to meet me there in like 10 minutes? And Luke is like, yeah, sure. I'll meet you in 10 minutes. And Kristen's like, Tom, he has a daughter. It takes more than 10 minutes.
What is the significance of Schwartzapalooza and how does it unfold?
So Tom's like, oh yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
My bad. Sorry, I got carried away. I'm just a little boy.
Yeah, so now they go to their rooms, and Kristen is seething because her husband's already planning on going to have drinks.
And she's like, oh, someone just blew a horn at us.
So they go look at their rooms, and Jasmine is stuck in a room with a bunch of girls. And she's like, what do all the other couples get? Like, what do the other couples get a room? And I'm stuck.
How do the characters handle the rain affecting their plans?
With the girls. Like, what the hell? And my view is a parking lot.
Yeah. And then in the other room, it's Zach, Benji, and Tom Schwartz. And Tom's like, yeah, I mean, I like to have my own space, but if I was going to be a third wheel with any couple, it's going to be Zach and Benji. I'm like, I'm sure they love having you there too, by the way. Nothing two gay men want more than like a sad sack 56-year-old man with, you know, late 90s spiky hair and glasses.
Having a party called Schwarzapalooza. So Tom's like, do you guys cuddle when you sleep?
What arguments arise between Kristen and Luke during the trip?
And Benji's like, yeah, I cuddle. And then I'm like, okay, buddy, turn over. That's enough of you.
and tom's like yeah and also like zach and benji are in an open relationship just saying just kidding kiana kidding those are jokes don't worry kiana no one is worried okay yeah i was like that was i was so offended i almost had to move my sunglasses off the tip of my nose almost um now jesse is facetiming with lacy and he's like here is the view she's like it's pretty and look uh when are you getting in Okay. Well, it's going to be an hour-long drive. I know. I've been there many times, Jesse. Okay. I don't know how long it is to the hotel, Jesse.
How do the characters reflect on their relationships by the end of the episode?
I'll see you tomorrow. Bring a lot of light stuff, you know, maybe something like cool and sexy. And she goes, oh, my God, can you please not say cool and sexy?
Ick. Ick.
So in the girls' suite, they're all talking because Kristen's in a bad mood. Let's not forget, this is travel Kristen. There's a lot of talk about postpartum, but this is also travel Kristen, which is already fundamentally, she's just not a happy camper.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What happens during the group's arrival at the hotel in Punta Mita?
0:00–0:45
2
Why does Jesse's credit card get declined and what are the implications?
0:45–1:13
3
How does Kristen react to the group's plans for the evening?
1:13–1:52
4
What challenges does Kristen face during the vacation?
1:52–2:19
5
What is the significance of Schwartzapalooza and how does it unfold?
2:19–2:52
6
How do the characters handle the rain affecting their plans?
2:52–3:35
7
What arguments arise between Kristen and Luke during the trip?
3:35–4:20
8
How do the characters reflect on their relationships by the end of the episode?
4:20–49:40