How can you identify if you're a high-functioning codependent?
I think you said it is not offering some dumbass advice that you're not even going to take in order to make myself feel better at your expense.
Yes, that's exactly what I said. Thank you, Amanda.
Because you do kind of end up feeling, I feel so annoyed. When I share something really vulnerable and somebody just offers a quick fix back as if the problem is that I wasn't smart enough to figure that out, when really the problem is just that I'm a human being who's having feelings.
Yeah, that makes sense. Briefly though, let's talk about the most important thing we can change if we're auto advice givers. And this is, it's a simple change, maybe not easy. Before you tell anybody, even your kids, what you think. You're going to ask them what they think they should do. And then you're going to stop talking. So you have a little kid who comes home from school.
I had a fight with Bobby today at school. You're not going to be like, in this family, we don't fight or whatever it is you could say as a parent, you're going to go to the principal. You're not saying anything. You're going to say, okay, tell me what happened. Then they tell you what happened. Okay. I want to know, what do you think? How should you handle the situation?
Hmm.
And just stop, because listen, parenting is what? Teaching kids deductive reasoning, critical thinking, consequences for actions, right? How are kids gonna develop these skills? if we're endlessly centering ourselves as like, I know the answer. Well, no shit. You're a grownup. How about I'm seven? Maybe, maybe I could learn those skills. You're not winning mom. You know what I mean?
Like what is winning is having your kids say, you know what? I think I should go in tomorrow and punch Bobby in the face. Now you go, now this tells you you're learning so much about your child. You're not going to condone or encourage them to do that. Well, why do you think that's the right thing to do? What do you think then would happen?
Let's learn expansive questioning, allowing people to talk. Glennon, you said you don't like it when someone's like, blah, blah, blah, just do this. What if they said, is there more you want to say about that? Then what happened? Then how did you feel? All right, so what do you think? I mean, is that not love pouring on you? Give someone the floor, kids, partners, whoever, and let them.
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