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We Might Be Drunk

Ari Shaffir - w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

20 Apr 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

6.713 - 8.796 Sam Morril

Those are real boards, Peters. Yeah, right.

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9.538 - 10.619 Ari Shaffir

Take them outside and do some tricks.

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11 - 20.716 Unknown

Yeah. Maybe we should put the... No, no, no. Don't cross them. Yeah, yeah. Show them. Maybe the bidet cap one we put... No, no, no. Put it, like, right here. Should we put the bidet... We could hang it up there.

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20.756 - 21.677 Sam Morril

Yeah, we could hang them, right?

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21.838 - 35.632 Unknown

It might be too tall, though, for a camera. Oh, yeah. Put it on that, like, pillar? Yeah, there you go. We could get rid of the YouTube thing. Who cares about that? That's 100,000. That's a big fucking deal. My kid saw that, and he was like, you got one of those?

35.652 - 42.722 Sam Morril

Yeah, people care about that. People give a shit. Where are we at now? Have we gone up? 280.

42.742 - 49.271 Unknown

All right, all right. When's the next one you get? A million. A million? Damn, that's tough. That's insane. 100,000, a million.

49.291 - 58.624 Sam Morril

I know, right? Big jump. Guess we're keeping that up. I've never seen Saleke defend anything like that in my life. Are you fucking kidding me? That's a big deal.

58.722 - 61.245 Unknown

Are we recording? Should we just keep that?

Chapter 2: What are some wild travel stories shared?

73.019 - 85.913 Unknown

We're supposed to have Guy on, but he's in a... We're supposed to have Guy Fieri on the podcast today. Yeah. And I guess he shook Andrew Tate's hand and we didn't have him. Yeah. We're going from Guy to Goy? Wait, no.

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0

86.414 - 94.165 Unknown

Guy to Nogoy. Yes. We're gonna have an Ari Shafir on there. I guess this isn't the image rehabilitation pod.

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94.185 - 97.751 Sam Morril

Oh, there he is. Oh, shit. Welcome back. He's wearing a romper. Watch out.

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97.831 - 98.351 Unknown

Holy shit.

98.832 - 100.475 Sam Morril

Looking good. There he is.

100.495 - 106.986 Unknown

You're dressed like a pregnant woman. What the hell happened? Hell yeah.

107.327 - 108.71 Sam Morril

Have you started?

109.392 - 112.659 Unknown

Yeah, go piss. You're on air.

Chapter 3: How do comedians balance content creation and life experiences?

151.345 - 156.396 Sam Morril

Goddamn. That's like a Mexican PBR. It kind of hit, though. Yeah, they weren't bad.

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156.416 - 158.38 Unknown

Put a little lime in one of those cans. That's true.

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158.741 - 164.734 Sam Morril

I drank a lot of them. Yeah, that was all right. Yeah, back then, you'd wake up, you'd have diarrhea, and then you were back.

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164.714 - 166.016 Unknown

I'm just not a big beer guy.

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166.356 - 168.699 Sam Morril

Yeah, I gave it up with my old age.

168.759 - 174.145 Unknown

It's not my go-to. I'd rather have a whiskey or a cocktail or something. Same.

174.626 - 186.7 Sam Morril

But beer looks good. It looks good. You see a baseball game with a big glass of beer. I'm like, oh, and the sun. It's the peeing for me that's the issue. Oh, the peeing. Yeah, you already pee. You already pee a lot without beer.

186.72 - 190.705 Unknown

Or coffee. Right. And then in this fucking heat, you've got to drink some water.

190.752 - 209.386 Sam Morril

Yeah, but yeah, beer, you know, like the Shawshank Redemption, the roof scene with that bucket of gold beers. Ah, man, that's heaven. But I'm with you. Hey, look at it. It looks like Jesus in Spring Break. This is wild. What's shaking, man? What is that, linen?

Chapter 4: What are the highlights of Ari's trip to South America?

236.83 - 244.611 Sam Morril

Nice to meet you, too. Nice to meet you, too. All right, I guess we're going for it. It's summer, baby. The summer here. We're having a heat wave this week. This is so annoying.

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244.631 - 245.032 Unknown

I love it.

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245.634 - 250.225 Sam Morril

Really? Yeah, you can only time you can wear this outfit. That's true. That and Coachella.

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250.866 - 268.961 Unknown

I'm in one of those old buildings where they can't switch all the way to AC yet. They're like, no, it's not on yet. We haven't committed to being warm. It's a whole thing. Brutal. And climate change, it's going back and forth and back and forth. It's like a woman with her moods. And what never changes is landlords. We're still going to do the minimum. It's just annoying.

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268.981 - 269.923 Sam Morril

Well, you guys know all them.

271.605 - 273.708 Unknown

We have the direct line that's not working. I know.

273.748 - 290.542 Sam Morril

If we can't get it to work. Does the phone ring by going, I missed you guys. It's good to have you back there. You look like the gay Ayatollah. Or the Ayatollah. One was gay, apparently. I heard that.

290.622 - 291.243 Unknown

Ayatollah is.

291.943 - 297.089 Sam Morril

Hey. Yeah. Does he throw himself off a roof? Okay.

Chapter 5: What are the benefits of taking a break from content creation?

3570.039 - 3584.318 Sam Morril

Five milligrams and 10 milligram options... That's all I want. ...depending on how strong you want it. He loves booze. He loves weed, but the hangovers are bad, so this is good stuff... Willie's has already sold out multiple times and is now back in stock. They ship directly to your door in over 40 states.

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3584.378 - 3594.358 Sam Morril

Go to drinkwillies.com and use code WMBD for 20% off your first order, plus free shipping on orders over $95. Get some Willie's.

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3596.583 - 3617.126 Unknown

Sarah, the weather's getting warmer. What are we going to start doing? As the weather gets warmer, you start opening windows, spending more time outside, and that's when the bugs start showing up again. These fucking bugs, cunts. Pesty's a simple way to deal with it. Hey, there's a lot of difficulty. I need a simplified kit. What? I needed something simple.

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3617.226 - 3635.466 Unknown

You need, like, a customized kit, you mean? Something you need with, like, a sprayer, pesticide, gloves, and instructions you can follow in a few minutes? Yeah. Well, this is right for you. Well, hold on. Now, what grade is this? Is this the same as, like, professionals use or is it amateur hour? It's professional grade treatment used by pest control companies, but you can apply it yourself. Okay.

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3635.446 - 3640.713 Unknown

I love this shit. I use it all the time. I give it to Mark's kid. What is it, like $1,000?

Chapter 6: How do comedians balance storytelling and punchlines?

3641.094 - 3673.823 Unknown

It's cheap as shit. It's $35 a treatment. What the fuck, man? It gets bugs out of your house. Pesty. Go to pesty.com slash mightbedrunk for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-E-S-T-I-E. P-E-S-T-I-E.com slash mightbedrunk. I love that Sam was like, I'm not really drinking much lately. For like a month, I had to take a minute. Wait, wait, wait. I did take a minute off.

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3675.001 - 3696.57 Unknown

Starting a business or launching something online can feel overwhelming, especially when you're trying to manage everything at once. Shopify is a platform that brings all of that into one place, used by millions of businesses, and it handles a significant portion of- Can I break into this podcast ad read for a second? Yes. Come by, Ari. What's up? At arishafree.com, I do use Shopify. It's huge.

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3696.91 - 3716.131 Unknown

Yeah. I didn't use it because I got in this podcast today. I've been using it. And Ari's got big fake tits, so he knows what he's talking about. Look at those jiggle. Shopify includes tools that help you write product descriptions, approve product images, and streamline your workflow. You can also create email and social campaigns to reach customers and grow your audience. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

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3716.152 - 3721.137 Unknown

That's all great and narrow. But can it handle, like, shippings and returns and shit? It sure can, Ari.

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Chapter 7: What unique experiences does Ari Shaffir share from his travels?

3721.177 - 3737.001 Unknown

What? Sign up now for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com slash drunk. Go to Shopify.com slash drunk. Shopify.com slash drunk. That might be number one.

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3737.182 - 3739.289 Sam Morril

That is frothy and delicious.

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3740.553 - 3742.259 Unknown

So the grape liqueur. Great job.

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3742.58 - 3744.888 Sam Morril

Thank you. This would feel good against your ball back. What is this?

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3744.948 - 3766.366 Unknown

Is this a staple of Cusco? The jewel of Latin America? This is a staple there. And it's just, like, they're shockingly strong. You also can get them just straight, high-level pisco over rocks and stuff. Like, rum in Dominican Republic is, like, nicer. And just pisco straight is really good. Yeah, but people mostly do pisco sours. That's their drink.

3766.386 - 3768.709 Sam Morril

Now I get why they're fighting over this. This is delightful.

3768.73 - 3790.75 Unknown

This is really fucking good. I added a splash of pineapple. Oh! How does this compare, Ari, to like a Chilean or whatever, Peruvian? Right there. Yeah, how does it compare? Right there. No, if I got this at a bar in Cusco, I'm like, great, thank you, this is awesome. Thank you. Yeah. What would that be at a bar? 14 cents? I mean, yeah, like $3. Nice. That's crazy.

3791.171 - 3815.705 Unknown

When you were in Argentina or Chile, was the currency rate constantly changing? Because when I was one, each, it was like per shop, they would be doing the math for the conversion. Bolivia was that. Right. Interesting. So Bolivia was, it was 7 to 1. But they're like, you are dumb if you try to go to a bank and get 7 to 1. That's dumb. Because the actual street currency was between 11 and 14 to 1.

3816.146 - 3817.108 Sam Morril

Whoa.

Chapter 8: What lessons can be learned from the challenges of traveling?

3839.972 - 3848.641 Unknown

I think it's this. And then you'd go to a different shop. It's a massive difference. It's massive. It's a massive difference. For a hundred bucks, how far it'll go, it'll go two extra days if you just get the right place.

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3848.661 - 3853.287 Sam Morril

Now, you're exotic over there. Were the ladies going, hey, who's this hunk of Jew?

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3855.109 - 3857.352 Unknown

My hair, what's left of my hair would get touched a lot.

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3858.573 - 3860.055 Sam Morril

Oh, that's the telltale sign.

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3860.335 - 3878.707 Unknown

Yeah. A little beard play. Yeah. Now, it wasn't as much as I would have loved, but it was all right. Yeah, the locals are like, what are you... Yeah, I'm trying to think why I went to Deep Jungle and stuff. More action from the street dog. It wasn't like Cambodia or Thailand where they see you as a way out.

3880.189 - 3881.692 Mark Normand

Right, right, yeah.

3881.712 - 3885.177 Unknown

There, they're really like, ooh, I can get this one. They latch on to you.

3885.197 - 3885.317 Mark Normand

Yeah.

3885.337 - 3898.875 Unknown

Really? Bro. Like how? Two ways in Cambodia or Thailand they can get you on the hook. One... I'm moving you back to the States. Sure. To Tucson. Oh, my God. What a better life.

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