Ep 264: The Rizzler, Dave Attell, Greg Fitzsimmons, Shaun Murphy - Happy New Year - We MIght Be Drunk
episodePreviously titled “Ep 264: The Rizzler, Dave Attell, Greg Fitzsimmons, Shawn Murphy - Happy New Year - We MIght Be Drunk” — renamed by the publisher on Aug 3, 2026
Transcript
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What is discussed at the start of this section?
We're here. Hey!
What are the comedians' opinions on body types and stage movement?
Happy New Year. We got Greg Fitzsimmons here. The King Fitstone. I don't remember what you were just saying. Is this gay to sit like this? Yeah, it is gay. What are you doing? What are you, Gavin Newsom?
What stories are shared about Alaska and pranks?
I think if you have thick legs, it's not too bad. But when you have skinny legs and one like really wraps around the other one. What is with the Irish? They can't develop leg muscle. Or asses.
That's true. You guys have no asses. What is that?
Yeah. It's like Asian women. Yeah. It's like you look at an Asian woman and the perfect lips and the smooth skin.
I fuck both and it's disappointing every which way. Yeah. Really? Oh, yeah.
Who is the Rizzler and what is his viral story?
Irish man, terrible. Irish man and Asian women, same dick. No, but you're hung.
I'm hung. We've established that.
And on the last episode, Mark made Scott Rogowski talk about his dick.
Yeah.
We were like, what are we doing here? Yeah, well, I thought he had a micro, but he didn't, so I learned.
Maybe instead of headshots, you should have dick pics. Milton Berle is the whole wall.
Uncle Miltie.
Yeah, how are you, Hung? I'm in the middle. I'm like a stock Camry. Right, right.
You know, nothing flashy, but not too disappointing. Good shape? Yeah, solid shape. Curves to the left. As you get older, you have, like, good and bad dick days. Yeah. When you're young, it's always kind of more, and then you get older, you're like, today's a good day. I hope someone sees it. Ah, yes. If they don't ask, I'll show it to someone. Right. Go inside a schoolyard, I'll show them who's boss.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
But no, it's good and bad days, it's interesting. It's like a good hair day, you know? Yeah, good point.
Yeah, the worst is that whenever you do see people naked, you're skinny dipping, which is the least ideal situation. Like when we were teenagers, there was a town pool. I grew up in Tarrytown, and we had a town pool, and we used to drink all night. You know, we were like 15 years old, and then we would break into the pool, we'd jump the fence, And then everybody would get naked. It was crazy. Like all the kids in town would get naked. You had an idyllic childhood.
You ice skated. We ice skated. You drank. You did a mescaline. You swam in the water. And women, you're not being compromised in that situation. But guys, it really, I mean, you think of the iconic Seinfeld episode. I showed it to a date recently. She's from England. She's like, I didn't know what Seinfeld is. I was like, oh, you've never seen this? I threw in the Little Dick episode. Yes. And she was like, this is great.
You threw in the Little Dick that night?
I threw that after the Little Dick episode. I was like, now that I have a disclaimer here. But that's a great fucking episode.
Yeah, it is. I was in the pool. Yeah, yeah.
And then him trying to see her naked. Yes. The justice of it. She's got a great body, buddy.
There was also like a shift that happened with Seinfeld where they went from being these broke New York, like getting around on the subway to suddenly they're in the Hamptons. You remember that? They got a lot of shit because they started to not be about... They started to be about making money. And everybody's like, oh, they're rich now. Now they're doing episodes from the Hamptons.
Well, that was the whole Cadillac episode. Elaine's like, I didn't know you make money like that.
Oh, yeah. They also started dating 10s for some reason. They were dating 5s early on. And then later on, they're all dating the hottest women in New York.
Right.
Yeah.
And in real life. Every actress on Seinfeld was a smoke show. George was pulling... Yeah, George is doing well.
Wasn't Courtney Cox a girlfriend of somebody on that, or was that friends?
Yeah, she was on Seinfeld.
I mean, those are young, supple camps. There's no surprises when you lower that dress.
No. God, no. No dick there.
Wow.
We had him on last week.
Yeah, I know. He was sitting right here in this seat. Yeah, baby. Telling you how to do comedy. You got that right. You got to move more. Yeah, you got to move around the stage more. You don't move. I don't move. Okay. No, moving, that's flailing to me.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What is discussed at the start of this section?
0:07–0:08
2
What are the comedians' opinions on body types and stage movement?
0:08–0:19
3
What stories are shared about Alaska and pranks?
0:19–0:42
4
Who is the Rizzler and what is his viral story?
0:42–43:50
5
What are the highlights of the Oscars discussion?
43:50–44:41
6
What unexpected stories emerge from the Rizzler's appearance?
44:41–45:38
7
What are the comedians' thoughts on crowd work and audience engagement?
45:38–1:28:06
Speakers
7 identifiedMore from We Might Be Drunk
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