Chapter 1: What emotional moments are shared in the beginning?
Guys, I might be crying sometimes. It's just so you know. That's a perfect opening. This could be a dramatic episode of We Might Be Drunk. Yeah, let it all out. With Kevin Nealon. We bear it all. Dude, good to see you. Did you ever have anybody at a... You go up to a bartender and say, dude, you over-served me. Is that like the weakest kind of excuse for being drunk and out of control?
The bartender over-served me. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I've never heard that. You can't do that to a waiter. You know, like, hey, dude, you over-served me, man. I gained like two pounds. What are you going to do about it? People complain when the drink is too stiff.
Chapter 2: What are the funniest excuses for being drunk?
Oh, yeah. That's like when the bartender is like, I'm hooking you up and you're like, the drink tastes like shit. That's me, man. When I bartended, I used to bartend at the Improv. Really? Yeah, yeah. For two years. What years? 1980. Whoa. Holy shit, man. Yeah, I used to see everybody come in, the Robin Williams, Andy Kaufman. Wow. But I'd never bartended before.
But I befriended the regular bartender. He goes, hey, you want to work? I said, yeah, but I never bartended. So I got one of those Boston bartender guides and I kept it under the bar. I thought the more alcohol you put in it, like the college mentality, people would love it. Right.
But a lot of times they'd come back and say, hey, can you give me another glass full of soda water so I can make this a regular drink? They're mixing the drink.
Yeah, yeah. Who was the biggest drunk back then?
You know, it really wasn't obvious, but there were some people in there that come in. I mean, you know, so many people would come in there. Timothy Leary would come in. Whoa. Yeah, and...
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Chapter 3: What experiences did Kevin Nealon have while bartending?
Roy Scheidner would come in with Bob Fosse. Wow. I mean, I saw everybody in there. Robin Williams would come from filming Mork and Mindy with his suspenders on. You made Roy Scheidner drink? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did he drink? Scotch and sodas. It's funny how bartenders remember exactly what people drink. Richard Lewis would come in. He would get a white wine, and he'd always leave me a $2 tip.
Hey. Back in the day, that's a good tip. That was a good tip. Yeah. I was always embarrassed at how much the drinks cost. Like for a beer, it was like $2.75. And when somebody ordered a beer, I give it to them, I go, I'm sorry, it's $2.75.
I'd kill for a 275 beer.
Richard Lewis, he put him back, right? Oh, my God. He was so great, man. He loved it. He became sober after a while, but he would kill in that room, man. Yeah, really. He was like an expat New Yorker. The whole audience was expat New Yorkers. And it just had this energy and this buzz. You know, Richard Lewis would get on and just crush it. Andy Kaufman, Jay Leno.
I mean, that room, you could feel it pulsing. You know, it was just so crazy. And I would watch sometimes from the peephole upstairs from the office, Bud Freeman's office. I could see down there because it couldn't go in the room because it's too packed. And it was just such a great experience for me because I got to like talk to comics that were, you know, established.
One time Andy Coffin was outside and I knew he was into TM, right? So I was so scared to talk to him because, you know, I'm such a fan of his. And I go, hey, Andy, can you tell me a little about TM?
Thank you.
For a half hour, he talked about TM, rarely looking at me, just looking at the traffic out on Melrose going by. And all I'm doing is looking at the moles on his face. I'm listening to him. He did have some crazy cheek moles. Yeah, he did. How about Pryor? Did he ever come in? Richard Pryor never came in that I remember at the comedy store.
I mean, at the improv, but he would come up here at the comedy store and play a lot. I saw him here once. How was that? Oh, it was great, man. But he would start off with, he wouldn't have anything. You know, you just develop it and you come back like three weeks later and he's got this whole hunk, you know, whole act. Wow. So yeah, that was the cool thing.
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Chapter 4: How did comedy change from the 80s to now?
The first show is rehearsal. You test the jokes then. But how many people, I mean? It's a full audience. Oh, all right. Oh, okay. That helps. You idiot. We haven't been on SNL. We don't know. Yeah. So... I look at you like you're crazy. You fucking dumb. So then after they dress, I go back to meet with him again. And we go through the pack. And I say, let's get rid of that.
Let's get rid of that one. Let's get rid of that one. He goes, really? I'm like, this one is a good one. I've seen the picture. So. So I go back out there. I've told them which ones I want to get rid of. So I do the weekend update and I jump off and I start doing sketches and characters, you know. And the next morning I'm laying in bed and I'm thinking, wait a minute.
I told him to get rid of that joke. He kept it in there because it was his probably. And so I didn't really have a lot of control because I was doing so much stuff. I couldn't like focus on that. Right. So, but it was fun. It was, it was exciting.
Yeah.
The subliminal bit, was that a stand-up bit first? Yeah, that came from my stand-up bit. That was a guy named Ed Peck, this character actor from the 50s and 60s. I met him at the improv. So many character actors I met there. And he would do a thing called tagging. And he had a very deep voice like that. He talked like that. Nealon, come here for a minute. Let me show you what I'm going to do.
And we go to Cantor's telekinesis. And he would do a tagging thing. Yeah, there he is. There's Pecky. That's Ed Peck, younger Ed Peck. And he was a good guy. He did a lot of those shows back then. So we'd go to Cantor's, and he'd go, listen to what I'm going to do here. And he'd order. And he'd go, hello, Mary, because he knew the waitress.
Mary, I think I'm going to have a hamburger with some French fries, whore. And I'll also have aā So that kind of blossomed from that. He goes, go ahead and use that. Oh, that's fun. That was a hit. That was a hit. And then I kind of wrote it with Al Franken when we got there. Doing it to get things that you wanted. Yeah.
I'd love to go see the Mets, you know, or I'd love to go out to dinner with you, your treat, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah. We should go on a date, anal. Yeah. Now, Franken, what do you think? We had a rough one with him.
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Chapter 5: What memorable characters did Kevin Nealon create for SNL?
And then you had the cast that were writing, too. Mike Myers came in with a lot of his stuff. Dane and I came up with Hans and Franz and some other things. Right. And Nora. And you almost made a movie about Hans and Franz. Yeah, we did, yeah.
Chapter 6: What happened with the Hans and Franz movie project?
With Schwarzenegger. With Schwarzenegger. Yeah, so here's the thing. You know, Schwarzenegger loved those characters. And we came up with an idea to do a movie. He was going to co-star in it and co-produce it. And I wrote it with Dana, Smigel, and Conan.
Holy shit. Wow. Where's this flick? We've got to get that rebooted.
It turned out to be a musical, which is really funny. You know, we start out, we want to go to the West Coast to find our cousin Arnold.
Chapter 7: What insights does Kevin Nealon share about life after SNL?
Yeah.
And so we live in little Austria, which is in New York. You take the Roosevelt tramway up there, you know, it's all black and white. It's like next to Chinatown, but it's way up high. And everything's black and white. And it's like the whole, you know, 1820s, they're using the stick broom. You know, they're all like, so we just go off to the West Coast. We're on a bicycle built for two.
paddling all the way out there we pick up pitch kikers along the way and they hook them up with the unicycle behind us and yeah so we wrote this movie and he was going to be in it and we were all excited about it and it was going to be at Sony and then he had just done Last Action Hero where he carried himself a little bit So he decided to go another way, another movie.
So the problem was we relied too heavily on him. The part should have been just a smaller part. And I think it would have rolled. But recently he went on Conan's podcast and me and Dana read it.
with Conan and then Schwarzenegger comes on you know a couple weeks later just loving the script you know there's the movie the Hans and Franz movie the girl in that dilemma it was so funny you know you go to the bathroom they go here's the directions you go down the hall you make a right at the pictorial statue and then you go into the bathroom and there'll be some buttocks you know with the you know it's all plaster stuff and he loved it he was just laughing and just you know these guys Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon they just it's so funny yeah where were you
30 years ago yeah right where was this attitude well it's hard man we're trying to make a movie right now and we're close it's not gonna happen it's a miracle we wrote it for Arnold Schwarzenegger it's I got a good feeling he loves it he loves it no but you know You attach a guy like Arnold, you feel like you're good to go. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. I don't even know if he ever read it back then.
He can't read.
Let me ask you, though. You're on SNL for a couple years. When it's over, are you terrified? No.
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Chapter 8: What upcoming projects and specials does Kevin Nealon mention?
You're just out there? I'm excited.
I was, you know, I had done nine years on that show. That's a long time back then. That's a long time. That was the longest. And I was kind of bored. I mean, I would be going on to do a sketch with food in my mouth from the craft service table. Damn. And I'd be picking food out of my mouth as I'm doing a sketch. And my friends in my dressing room, they're all crowded. It's a little room.
They're crowded in there. They got a blender making margaritas. And they're watching some other show. You know? I can't even get into the change. Right. So when I left, I was... Plus, I had a sitcom to go to, too. It was the first DreamWorks television show. Steven Spielberg would be there and everything. It was called Champs. Pull it up, Champs. I don't even know if you'd be able to pull it up.
You could take it out, but you can't pull it up. They had a lot of, you know, hands in the, you know. Cooks in the kitchen? Yeah, cooks in the kitchen. Not hands in the kitchen. And it would, and it just got to be too crazy. And it got canceled after like four or five episodes. Did you like the show? Yeah, I kind of liked it. Oh, this is so 90s.
Oh, that guy.
He's a regular guy. Do you remember the next punchline before I play it? No.
I couldn't remember it then either. Damn. Wow. Once you got a sitcom in the 90s.
I got a sitcom with Richard Lewis that was supposed to be great. It's called Hiller and Diller. Hiller and Diller. In fact. Pull it up. Yeah. I remember he was like 50 at the time and he'd forget his lines. And he'd look at me and he'd go, I'm 50. I'm 50 years old. I can't remember that. Tell me what you're going to say exactly. Don't improvise. Is that Jan Hooks?
Yeah, she was the most underrated sketch actress on SNL. Uh-oh. This is revealing your age right here.
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