One More Drink w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand

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We Might Be Drunk 1h 23m 4 speakers 6 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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How did Mark’s suburban Fourth of July and slushie maker story kick off the episode?

Mark Normand 0:06
Hey, we're here. We might be drunk, baby. Solo up. I love a Solo app. Good to be back. Han Solo. How you been? Whoa, good. I just had the 4th of July. I was gone for six days. My flight got canceled, so.
Sam Morril 0:19
You were struggling out there.
Mark Normand 0:20
Yeah, yeah. It's a suburb. The hard part of the suburbs is there's kids everywhere, which is great. It's fun. One kid broke my watch, so that's gone. Oh, shit. Well, we're just all wrestling all day, you know? I got headlocks. They're so little, I feel like, you know, the Hulk. It is fun throwing a kid. Oh, my God. Liz has that great bit about throwing the kid in the pool.
Sam Morril 0:37
Yes, yes. That's the closest you can come to abusing a child. Just throw them into the pool. That's one of my favorite things.
Mark Normand 0:42
His whole face changed. Yeah. That's a great bit. Oh, yeah. Peter's is on the slushies. Woo-wee! Why did we get a slushie maker?
Sam Morril 0:48
Did someone send this, or were you just hankering?
Mark Normand 0:51
I was hankering. These are going for sale on Amazon. My brother-in-law had one of these at the Fourth of July. I love a slushie maker. Oh, we did margaritas. We did daiquiris, kalua. What do you call it? Pita colada?
Sam Morril 1:06
I love a... an ice maker too, but I bought the shittiest one. It takes like four hours to make like this much ice. I'll just use a tray.
Mark Normand 1:15
What are we doing here? Yeah, right? That sucks. So what do we got in here? A little Bodega Cat and Cherry Coke? Looks like Cherry Pepsi. Ah! Don't you hate that guy? Pepsi over Coke.
Sam Morril 1:28
Some people claim they can taste the difference. I don't think I'm one of them. Come on. Mmm.
Mark Normand 1:33
Dude, that's fucking incredible. That was like the kid version of banging a trans girl on accident. Like, what? It's Pepsi! I had no idea!
Sam Morril 1:42
That's Lenwidge now. It used to be Lenny's, now they're Lenwidge. Right, right. Like, alright. Oh yeah, new identity.
Usama Siddiquee 1:49
Somehow got more Jewish. Oh, by the way, I went to my bagel place. Brand new bagel place on my block. I went in... No bagels. What? I was like, you're two days open. You don't have any bagels? You sold out? He was like, we don't have our license yet to sell bagels.
Mark Normand 2:02
There's a bagel license now? Yes.
Usama Siddiquee 2:05
I wonder who owns this. No bagel, no bagel, no bagel.
Sam Morril 2:10
Damn. So what do you need for a license?
Usama Siddiquee 2:13
I don't know. They're just selling sandwiches. I was like, not even on a bagel? They're like, no, we don't have that license yet. That's a lie.
Sam Morril 2:18
You can't open a bagel place without bagels.
Usama Siddiquee 2:21
Thank you.
Mark Normand 2:22
That's crazy. It's just bread with a hole in it. So can you have a bread? Do you need a bread license? Do you need a pizza license? Yeah. We only have garlic knots today.
Usama Siddiquee 2:29
You can make the hole.
Sam Morril 2:32
What the hell? That's crazy. Look it up. I will tell you, they don't need any more business, but... Apollo Bagels, have you had that shit?
Unknown 2:42
No.
Sam Morril 2:42
It's unreal. Really? It's one of those, like, annoying influencer places with a line, but they deliver. It's so good. Wow. I walked by and there was no line. I was like, I gotta try it. Yeah. It's that good, dude. Really? It's like a thin, crispy bagel. Oh, a thin bagel I like. And it's got the smoked salmon, the dill, the capers, the onions. It's a fucking... And I love an open face. Yes. I don't like that we just gave in to the sandwich always. You're getting less bites. Right. I like the open face. Do you scoop it if it's a fat bagel? No. Okay. It feels like sacrilege. You get looks. Oh, really? Yeah. I think in the New York bagel place, they're like, scoop. All right. Damn. Jeez. It's coming out to your dad in the 80s.
Mark Normand 3:24
That's the look you get. Scooped bagel. All right. That's a Larry David episode. I picture him walking into the temple, and they're like, he's a scooper. That is a great episode.
Sam Morril 3:34
The white fish?
Mark Normand 3:35
Yeah. And the sable? Yeah, the sable.
Sam Morril 3:38
So seriously, take your sandwiches.
Mark Normand 3:40
That's what they name it after him? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, no one's getting sable.
Sam Morril 3:44
It's true. It's two fishes. It's two white fishes together. It's a lot. Is that what it is? I think that's what it was.
Mark Normand 3:50
Oh, God.
Sam Morril 3:51
You want the turkey? I love a turkey sandwich.
Mark Normand 3:53
Love turkey.
Sam Morril 3:54
Is turkey your go-to?
Mark Normand 3:55
Go-to. Then roast beef, then ham. I might go ham, then roast beef. Yeah, turkey's just fucking solid. Retail bakeries require a food service permit and staff must... Okay, so it's not a bagel license.

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