Chapter 1: What does it feel like to realize your entire life was shaped before you understood it?
Hi guys, it's me, Devorah. I am so excited to finally share this with you all.
Chapter 2: What is feederism and how is it introduced to children?
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Chapter 3: How does grooming happen without physical abuse?
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My name's Jess and I'm 37. I'm from Ohio and I am a content creator and I have been.
Chapter 4: What role does public humiliation play in manipulation?
different kinds of content creators. But I was groomed into the adult industry from a child by my stepfather. And it felt like, I've been doing it since I was 18, I'm 37, so about 19 years now. My entire adult life felt like it was already And this wasn't immediately aware. I wasn't immediately aware of this.
Chapter 5: When does manipulation escalate into something more dangerous?
Like, it's taken me years to, like, process this. And thankfully, like, therapy and all that.
Chapter 6: How does exposure to adult content shape identity?
But my late mother, she was married three times. And she was a very young mother. She had three kids under. By the time she was 23, I believe, she had three kids under five. So, wait.
Chapter 7: How do you rebuild your life after hitting rock bottom?
24. She was 24 or 25. But yeah, she had three kids under five years old when she was married to her first husband. And I was a whoopsie baby. My biological father, my mom actually told him that uh, I wasn't his. So he kind of moved on with his life. And as far as I know, that's kind of blurry, but as far as I know, he told his wife that he was a virgin when they got married.
And then when I was four years old, my mom did a paternity test for him and with him and I was his, but he still didn't want anything, which, you know, so, um, Biological father. Already absent. Okay. My mom's first husband. Abusive. Abusive relationship. I won't go too much into that. But it kind of sets the scene as to, like, my understanding for my mother.
Like, we had a complicated relationship. But setting the scene for my mother, because she's a big part of this. She was in a horribly physically abusive marriage. And... He was not a kind person. They divorced, and she quickly got with her second husband, who I'm going to talk about. When I live with my stepfather, a stepfather now, but that's the good one.
The stepfather I'm going to be talking about all in this is not the good one, if anyone's understood. But yeah, I had three stepfathers. So the second one, He was a feeder, and that is someone who enjoys watching the women in their life. And it could be the other way around. It could be men or women.
But in this case, it was a man who enjoys watching women get bigger for their pleasure, oftentimes without their health in mind. It's just all about their desire.
And was he doing that towards you and your mom?
Yes. So obviously as a child, I wasn't super aware of it until later. But my mom was a bigger woman, beautiful, bigger woman. So I, you know, always admired her. bigger women in general too. So when my stepfather was telling me these things and coaching me to be a bigger woman when I'm like eight years old, that to me was normal because my mom was big and beautiful. And I'm like, oh, that's fine.
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Chapter 8: What happens when you finally start unpacking trauma in therapy?
That's OK. My mother was married to him when I was around four. So I considered him my biological father, trusted him. Like, you know, I never really saw anything like outside of what I know now through processing, like I never saw anything abusive or malicious. He never physically touched me. So anything coming up is not like, and that was also another element of why I never caught it.
Cause like I was never like touched in that way.
And also, I feel like in comparison to the other stepdad that you had, it probably seemed like, oh, this is so much better. Exactly.
Yeah, exactly. And I should back up a little bit, too. But my mother obsessed with diet culture as one, you know, society is. And she was constantly trying to lose weight. She didn't grow up bigger. She gained weight after children. So finding a man I can imagine that was into bigger women and was safer, at least physically, you know, I could see the appeal in that and survival especially.
But yeah, she was very obsessed with her image, her weight. And when I was around 8 to 10 years old, we'll say, 8 to 10 years old in this time, she was putting me on slim fast diets. That was all the rage in the 90s, of course. And I did like those shakes, by the way. They were just not the healthiest for an eight-year-old child.
And knowing what I do know now about feederism, the kink, and everything surrounding that, there's a humiliation aspect to it that they get off on. And my stepfather would... He would wake me up in the middle of the night with fast food. And I would be, I would, he would, under my nose.
And I know this sounds, to me it sounds crazy because it's like, why would you do this to a child that was put on a diet and like literally a slim fast shake is not enough calories for a kid. No matter how big they are. I would wake up ravenous and he would be laughing hysterically as I'm eating a Burger King burger in the middle of the night because I'm like, oh, this is a good treat.
I'm eating this burger.
Yeah.
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