Body language, like everything in the first full phase of human courtship, is unconscious. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to recognize that it’s happening, and to honor it by engaging in conversation with curiosity.Listen in as an example is rendered of waking up to notice it, and fun, curious conversation results in a restaurant social venue.TRANSCRIPTSPEAKER 2So let me share one story with you.I was out at a restaurant one time eating by myself and the guy who was the host there I said I was eating by myself and he said well I'm gonna make things interesting for you so he sat me down it was one of these restaurants where theI was sitting right next to two women who were sitting across from each other and they were there hanging out together.They were not facing each other and talking with their shoulders squared toward each other.They didn't have their chins down.They didn't have their mouths and their lips pierced.It didn't seem like they were in aIt occurred to me that they want to be overheard.which was great and everything and I sort of patted myself on the back for being aware of that because earlier in my life I would not have been aware of that but it can be the signals you're sending out just by the way you're sitting if you're facing each other now you might be there out with your girlfriend having coffee or having a drink and you guys have to talk about something or you have to catch up to each other in years and you're going to have your body language where you're squared off against each other you're cursing your lips you're not looking around you're looking straight at each otherMost guys will pick up on that.Okay, these girls.But if you're out and you want to be met by guys, then open up the body language, amp up the volume of the voice, and guys will notice that, and you'll be approached if you do that.Some guys won't approach even though they like you because they're not attuned to that as well, and that's when you ratchet up.SPEAKER 1So if there was a spectrum of flirting, that would be very low and light on the spectrum, right?They weren't like,I think it's important to follow up with that.SPEAKER 3because I didn't realize that it is not easy for men to approach women in, you know, a group if you're not, if you're huddled together.Um, so, you know, and that's very intimidating.It's intimidating if, you know, men were sitting huddled in a group for a woman to just walk up and really put yourself in their shoes.So I think the benefit of going out with girlfriends is so if one of your girlfriends realizes for you, like, Oh, it's the guy like over there, he's totally checking you out.Give him a chance to, if he's nervous about approaching you and look around at your girlfriends, maybe he is.Walk by him.Give him an opportunity and look friendly and approachable and give him an opportunity to approach you.SPEAKER 1Yeah.SPEAKER 3Or go, if he's sitting at a bar, go order a drink next to him.Say, Oh, excuse me, order a drink next to him and give him at least an opportunity to approach you.Cause maybe he's sitting there thinking,is UnconsciousSPEAKER 1It's the kind of technical, you know, technical advice we're definitely going to get into with you.No, it's all good.We're technically going to get into with you in part two when we go step by step through the sexual attraction process.But you're exactly right.I mean, if we're focused on, you know, how early dating is not serious, it's just fun and it's flirty, it's not very flirty to stay all huddled in your group.Observing Ego This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit womenspsychology.substack.com/subscribe

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