How to have better conversations (that add true value to your life)
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Why does Grace argue conversation is an undervalued life skill?
What is up? I'm Grace Beverley and welcome back to Working Hard, the podcast-shaped guidebook on how to improve your own life and achieve what you actually dreamed of doing. Because life's too short for boring podcasts and bad advice. What is up and welcome back to Working Hard. Today's episode is one I have genuinely been wanting to do for so long because it's a very classic example of a skill that we all use every single day that we're never taught to think about in school and I don't think we actually think about as a concept enough. Like, I think we think it just happens rather than the fact that it's something that you need to build and has a direct correlation, in my opinion, and actually in a lot of the research with how lucky your whole life is going to be.
And a few weeks ago, I had a bit of a revelation. What if the thing that we've all been trying to fix about our social skills is the wrong thing entirely? I was scrolling on TikTok and I came across a video from a creator called Bella Dane on how to become a better conversationalist. And it explained that most advice about having better chats is about performance. So speak more confidently, use better vocabulary, cut the filler words, hold eye contact. But actually, the people who are universally described as brilliant to talk to are not the ones who say the most impressive things or use the longest words. They are the ones who ask the best questions. And it kind of sent me down a bit of a TED Talk research rabbit hole.
So today we're getting into the science behind great conversation, how to be a better conversationalist and to use that to make your life more serendipitous, to give yourself more opportunities. And ultimately why curiosity is more of a powerful social skill than charisma and how to make yourself a better conversationalist in any scenario, whether that's like, a first date a job interview or even like a catch up with a friend because how you converse actually really has an impact on how other people feel like you care about them or how present other people feel you are when you are in the room with them and before we get into this episode you know the drill please give the podcast a follow whatever app you are listening to it on it is the single easiest thing you can do to support us and it also means that we can keep the podcast completely free and it also means that an episode lands in your feed every single monday morning without you even having to think about it
Right. I want to start by you thinking about the last time you were in a conversation where you felt kind of vaguely drained or like a bit flat afterwards. I can bet it wasn't because the other person was bad at talking physically. It's because they weren't listening. Like they weren't taking in what you were saying and they weren't conversing back and forth with you. Until recently, I think I've always thought being good at conversation was about being articulate, as I said. So like knowing when to be funny or having interesting stories or using the right words and getting rid of like or um. And don't get me wrong, that is obviously a part of it and that is helpful when we're talking about lots of things.
But in reality, being a great conversationalist is actually a very different thing. And it is a listening skill. It is not a talking skill. And I think it's a skill that actually so many of us have lost or maybe not even built in the first place. The art of being able to sit next to someone who has a completely different life or job to you and just make conversation has kind of disappeared because the need for it has disappeared, particularly now so many of us live a lot more independently like we're working from home we're not going out as much we're spending more time on social media so we're communicating through social media or just communicating with our close social circle who we know and we like and we have things in common with and all of that is very convenient and there are some fantastic things that come out of that but some of the most life-changing opportunities come from having deeper conversations with acquaintances so people you've never met before or you don't have much in common with when you start talking and
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
Why does Grace argue conversation is an undervalued life skill?
0:11–4:21
2
What evidence shows curiosity beats charisma in conversations?
4:21–8:23
3
How has modern life and technology reduced our conversational practice?
8:23–13:57
4
What does the matching principle say about conversation types?
13:57–18:10
5
Which specific question techniques open deeper conversations?
18:10–20:14
6
How can practicing pauses and active listening improve talks?
20:14–22:38
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Working Hard with Grace Beverley
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