What to Do if You Fall Out of Love With Your Job
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Here's your Money Briefing for Thursday, September 12th. I'm J.R. Whelan for The Wall Street Journal. Getting out of a romantic relationship can be messy. There's soul searching, sadness, frustration, or maybe just the need for something new. Many workers experience the same feelings when they want to end the relationship with their job.
Are you really sensitive to patterns of intermittent reinforcement at work? Does it take almost nothing for you to get pulled back in? And can you predict when your boss is going to be super nice to you or give you those kinds of benefits in much the same way that Having your boyfriend show up and give you flowers after a fight probably isn't the best signal that things are going well.
Wall Street Journal contributor and New York University professor of psychology Tessa West will join us to discuss how to break up with your career. After the break.
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Looking for a way out of your current job? There are lessons to be learned from breakups in romantic relationships. Wall Street Journal contributor Tessa West joins me. First of all, Tessa, how are our jobs similar to love and relationships?
How is falling out of love with your job like a romantic breakup?
We have ups and downs. We have ambivalence. Some days we love it, some days we hate it. Often we love and hate things at the same time. And our relationships with our careers have a life trajectory in much the same way as our marriages do, our relationships with our parents and our children. And so I like to think about a career like a relationship partner that you're constantly having to monitor, check in, making sure things are going well in order to make sure you're staying on the right track with your career.
You know, sometimes when people have doubts, so they're going through rough times with a partner, they say, we're trying to make it work. If someone starts to feel ambivalence about a job, how should they approach that?
This is a natural experience. The main things are for you to look out for a couple signs. One, are you really sensitive to patterns of intermittent reinforcement at work? Does it take almost nothing for you to get pulled back in? And can you predict when your boss is gonna be super nice to you or give you those kinds of benefits? Those kinds of moments can really pull someone back into a relationship with a career that isn't super healthy in much the same way that having your boyfriend show up and give you flowers after a fight probably isn't the best signal that things are going well.
But if you had feelings of reinvigoration by doing extra things at work, wouldn't that be a good thing?
It can be a good thing. But like any relationship, you can't be the only one trying to make things work. If you're the one making all the effort to have the date nights, to really get to know your partner, to reinvigorate that relationship. you need to see signs that that relationship is doing the same for you, that that partner is doing those things for you. So at work, if your boss promises to make changes, if the company promises to give you that promotion or raise, they should be putting their money where their mouth is. You need to see just as much signs of reinvigoration coming from your career as you're willing to give to it because no one person or no one partner can make that relationship get back on track.
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