Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
What's that? It's the sound of our camper van flying through the states, because let me tell you something, we're zooming and we're coming to you very shortly. Pat, where the hell are we going?
We're going to Gold Coast on the 10th of June, Coffs on the 12th, Newcastle on the 13th, Canberra on the 14th, 16th in Wollongong and the 24th in Sydney, but if you're not fucking quick enough, tickets are selling fast, so you might not be there. Tickets are selling out, so by the time you hear this, you've got to jump online or else you're probably going to miss out.
Pat, I have something to say to you. Go on. Drop dead. Go on, Shan. Drop dead. What? Drop dead. Me? Yep. Drop dead. I'm not dropping on the floor. Pat, drop dead. No way she released a song. Olivia Rodrigo's first single is out. And it's called Drop Dead. It's out, bro. Fuck.
Drop dead.
We've got this into it, cunt. Why would you tell me that? I know.
Now we've got to wait. Bro, drop dead. Now we've got to fucking wait a whole episode.
And it's all in lowercase. What do you mean? Like, it's all- Not even a capital. No. Do you reckon that was a typo? No, no. She's going, I don't give a fuck. Or she's just a dumb cunt. Can we just- Okay, what- Drop dead. Like, what is this? I think it's about- Is she in a relationship or broken up? Broken up. I think it's about her ex is seeing a new girl and she's drop dead gorgeous.
That's a fucking good one. But then she's going to play on words of like, she's so drop dead gorgeous, I just want to drop dead. Wow. That's what I reckon it's going to be. Wow, wow, wow. I really like that. That's what I think. But we can't listen in the main pod because it gets flagged on Spotify.
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Chapter 2: What are the details about the new Olivia Rodrigo song?
We can look at the lyrics. No, I need the whole experience. Have you not listened? No. Oh, shit. You know how I found out? I was driving here and I went, okay, this is really embarrassing, but there's a song that I've been blasting that I'm like obsessed with. What's it called? It's the most like radio bullshit music. I just might by Bruno Mars. How's it go? I just might make my baby.
I don't know if I've even heard it. Oh, dude. Because I don't listen to radio, so I don't hear those songs. It's the most like Minions movie fucking song. Bruno is very radio. I like Bruno. I like Bruno. Old Bruno was class, lad. Bruno's like an not as good Michael Jackson.
Sure.
But darling, I still catch a grenade.
Yeah, that shit's cool.
Bro, Guy Sebastian did a song with Bruno Mars. What was Guy Sebastian's song? Maybe he didn't. Battle Scars? That's not with Bruno Mars. Did Guy Sebastian do a song with Bruno Mars? Wait, why would that be so huge, though? It's pretty big for Guy, bro.
That's huge. Guy's huge.
Guy's not huge, bro. Guy's not huge. Guy couldn't do the Enmore Theatre. Guy's not huge, bro. Guy's not doing Enmore Theatres or Kudos Bay. To me, huge is... You can do an Enmore. To me, Guy has 1.3.
Huh? Guy has 1.3 monthly listeners.
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Chapter 3: What rogue comments have Aussie politicians made?
I like Guy. He's my neighbour, dude. To me, huge. If someone's huge, they're doing Kudos Bank when they come to Australia. Nah, they're doing stadiums. No, that's huge. Like Scissor, for example. Yeah, Billy. Like that's your huge. Yeah, I reckon Guy could do, what's the one at Moore Park? Horton. Horton. Yeah, that's what Guy's doing. And he's selling three quarters of it. Yeah.
Fuck, I thought he was way bigger than that. Okay, Pat, question for you. But can you just check if he's done a song with him? Who is an artist that if, okay, I'll give you three different options and three different artists. Option A. Can I just say, I'm wired to the gills.
for drop like i might no no i might this morning i'm running off like five hours sleep the night before i didn't sleep well same i woke up this morning and i never drink coffee you know i don't but i was craving the flavor and i was like i'm pretty tired so i had half a shot of coffee and my vive ants and i don't know if i'm just gonna fucking dead set jump to the moon or have a panic attack so just i'm not sure where this is gonna go i just needed to preface that
And where's Drop Dead fitting into that equation? I don't even know, bro. I'm like, I'm so fucking rattled. Even before we started, I was like, ah, can we turn some of the lights off? I'm so fucking rattled. Anyway, I just want you to know that if I'm... Guy Sebastian has a nickname as Budget Bruno Mars. Maybe that's why. Maybe that's what it is. That sounds like a footy show nickname.
He was a guest on the footy show and Phil Gould went, we got Budget Bruno Mars on here. I can predict how Phil Gould's going to die. Yeah. He's going to be like, it's going to be one of those classic deaths where like he's walking like down the stairs of like somewhere and he goes like, you know how they like clutch their chest?
And then he like goes to grab like the railing and he slips and he maybe falls down three stairs and he's like, And his face starts to go all red and his hands like cramping like this. And he's like, and then he just dies. Okay. It'll be really quite aggressive. Okay. I hope it doesn't happen. Yeah. Well, everyone's going to die. Well, actually, I don't hope that. You hope what?
I said, I hope he outlives us all. And then I was like, I don't actually hope that. But I hope he has a healthy pass into the next life. What? Where the fuck were we?
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Chapter 4: How can you run faster according to the hosts?
Oh, yeah. Going back. I'm going to give you three artists. Adele. Mm-hmm. Olivia Rodrigo and Olivia Dean. Okay. And now I'm going to give you three. Is this a fuck, kill, marry? No. Now I'm going to give you three different scenarios. Okay. Scenario A, you're in like a sit down theatre. Yep. And it's like you're watching a piece of theatre. Option B. Like Opera House? Yeah.
Yeah, like Opera House sort of vibe or like the Capitol Theatre in Sydney. Never been, but yeah. Option B is you're having like... And in that theatre, it's probably like a thousand people. Yeah. Option B, it's a sit-down dinner, three-course meal. There's a hundred people in the room. And option C is it's an 80,000-seater stadium. Put the artist to where you're watching them.
Okay, I'm going Adele in the theatre. The theatre where you're just sitting down watching? Yeah. Yep, okay. Oh, fuck. Am I in the mosh at the stadium? At the stadium, you can be wherever you want. Okay. Yeah, mosh. Can I get up? You're in the mosh. Can I get up at the theater? Get up. Can I stand up? Yes, you can stand if the audience stands as well.
But if you stand up and no one else is, then it's just kind of... But you know how in Adele where she did that thing, she was walking around, sometimes people were standing up and doing that. There'll be a bit of that. See, this is a thing I picture seeing Adele in that setting. I do. But I want to be up and about for a day.
I know she's not really up and about music, but like... But you want to be able to... Stand up and belt it. The sit-down dinner is like you are seated the whole time and you're eating food. There is no shit. Let's be real. Olivia Rodrigo's in the stadium. That's what I was thinking. But... I want to get up and about for everything else. Now, I do Olivia Dean sit down dinner. It'd be such a vibe.
Like, I'll make it sweet. And you're having a steak, medium rare. Yeah, I'd peg a chair across the room. I'd be that excited, I reckon. Okay, done. Lock her in. Then I'd probably go Adele at the theater. But fuck the person behind me off. I'm standing. And then... I don't know, dude. Can I say one word too hard? I think I've got to do that. Munich. That's a stadium. Yeah, that was something.
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Chapter 5: What is Lucy's response to the controversy?
And that's the greatest thing anyone's ever done. That wasn't even a stadium. That was just like an outdoor area. That's why I can't love you. But Adele's vocals in a closed environment would go hard, lad. Oh my God. I don't think I'd do Adele in a theatre, to be honest. I think I would want to experience Adele with as many people as I could. Well, I just picture myself at Luke Combs, right?
And I was like standing at the back of the mosh in the corner because there weren't many people. And like me and T would sit in our own little world, singing, dancing. That was so fun. And I'd rather do that to Adele. Yeah. Okay. What do you reckon? I just think for me, I'd rather be Adele at the very back of the stadium. Well, you'd want to be at the back. Or like right at the front.
I don't know. How do you go from right to the back or right at the front? Sorry, I want to be in an area where I can take in everything. Yeah, so the front. No, but then you don't see everyone behind you. Like, I want to see other people singing. What about the middle? Yeah, middle. No, you want to be in the mosh, lad. What about if you were in a human centipede? Where are you?
Probably dead in the middle, so I get both ends. Nice. Wouldn't you? It'd be a waste. If I'm going to do it, do it well. What's Drop Dead going to be? That's what I always look like. What is Drop Dead going to be? We'll find out on the Patreon. No, no, I know, but- What we could do is- I already told you what it's going to be.
We could listen to it and I could just make, like, you could just be your reaction of it. I can mute the song.
Oh, yeah. Nah, I want to listen to the whole thing in the Patreon because people want to hear it too. Okay, well, can I just say this then? Yeah. What would you be disappointed by? Let's say you hear Drop Dead- I don't want it to be fast. But what do you want it to say? I don't want it to be Olivia Rodrigo grabbing her tit and poking her tongue out. That's not you, Liv. Do you want to hear this?
A couple of piano keys. Slow strumming. Slow strumming and a piano. Dare I say some picking. Yeah. Nice little pick. And then, you know, when they slide their hands across the guitar and it goes like, that's what I want. But I've got a feeling it's going to be fast. I've got a feeling it's going to be fast. It's like, she's so goddamn gorgeous and I just want to drop dead. Oh my God.
That is so, tell me that's not accurate. Or it could just be legit the most like boner intensifying song ever. I hope it's not like, and she's so goddamn drop dead. Gorgeous. Honestly, I'm refunding all my tickets that I haven't bought. I can't believe we didn't see her. Well, speaking of tickets, you can come to our fucking tour.
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Chapter 6: What are the most outrageous things said in parliament?
I hate that the donut king box is looking at me. They're still there. You can't eat a donut from yesterday, can you? Is that sweet? Yeah, you can, eh? Yeah. Then let's just sit in the box. Oi! Tickets are on sale for us. And the thing is, we actually might, it might be like the last time we visit these places for a little while, to be honest.
And although we'll do a national tour at the end of the year with Sydney, it's the OJKs. So if you want to see like a actual onstage podcast, like us doing improv and all this fun shit, we obviously won't be doing that at Sydney at the end of the year because we're doing it the OJKs. So it's like your chance to see that.
But everywhere else, like I'm not even trying to be a dicker, but we might not do it next year. We might go to other places or whatnot. So we'll see. Coughs, we're never visiting you again. This is a one and done show. No, but all the places, like even Wollongong, everything, like they're selling, but like I'm saying we actually, it's not something we're going to do every year at these places.
I know we did them last year, but that's, it's probably like, okay, we've done those two years in a row now. What's next? So if you do want to see us, get your tickets and get your tickets fast. Speaking of, oh, sorry. There you go. Speaking of fast. Me jizzing. Racism is bad. But I saw a quote from New Zealand Prime Minister. Where's his tie into fast? Because like, You'll see.
Tsunamis are fast. Fact check, Kyle. Tsunamis are fast. Fact check. Fact check what? We know what he's about to say. I need it to be fact checked. Racism is horrible and deplorable and maybe one of the worst things in the world. And then I see... Apart from homophobia. And then I see a quote. They're equally as bad. And I'm sorry. We don't stand for homophobia. But I laughed at a racist remark.
I put my hand straight up. And I didn't laugh because I thought it was funny. Yes, you did. No. Yes, you did. That's why you laugh. I laughed because I genuinely could not believe. And I'm laughing now. This is how I was laughing. I genuinely couldn't believe this was a real thing. And I'm just going to read it word for word. I think maybe you've been pranked here, lad. No, no, it's real. No way.
New Zealand MP, Willie, are you listening to this? Yep. Willie Burms. I told him before. New Zealand MP describes Indian mass immigration as butter chicken tsunami. That is crazy. That is not funny. That is fucking crazy. So he's a full member of parliament. It's not funny. And I'm laughing because I'm so disgusted by what I just read that I can't believe it's all I said.
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Chapter 7: What are the hosts' thoughts on celebrity lookalikes?
It's actually the most... It could be one of the most insane remarks. You don't expect that from New Zealand. You expect that from a Trump. Don't you reckon? And sorry, Kyle's got a photo up of him. He would hoof in a butter chicken. My boyfriend said when I told him that, he goes, honestly, one of the best types of tsunamis you'd probably want. It's true.
Imagine a Will Gibb chickpea butter chicken tsunami, dude. I was literally like, okay, like if there was a tsunami heading towards me, butter chicken tsunamis in the top 10. Well, it's quite thick, so I reckon you could potentially say a float, like a thick butter chicken. You know? I want to be opposed to like a... Oh, just a choccy milk one would be all right. Choccy milk one.
Honestly, a tikka masala. Well, no, because imagine it gets in your eyes a bit spicy. I don't want to be Findaloo. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Look, it's one of the craziest things I've ever heard, to be honest. And I know people probably sitting there being like, listen, I know we're going to get a comment being like, if you think that's crazy, Donald Trump says these things every day.
Yes, we know he says fuck stuff. But just for it to come from a New Zealand is what so shocks me. When Donald Trump said this stuff, I was like, that doesn't even shock me anymore. Like, the cunt's fucked. But, oh my God, look at him, dude. You could just picture butter chicken all over his face as well. Same. You can picture his wife hating him. Nah, I reckon she loves him. You reckon?
She's like, you're flawed, but you're my... What's his name? Well, I reckon that I don't think she sees him as flawed. I don't care much about criticism we get. I am just never going to agree with a butter chicken tsunami coming to New Zealand. Sorry, but is there any actual... Who kicks people out of park? Can he just lose his job for saying that? Surely. Is there any recording of him saying it?
Well, it has to be, doesn't it? Video, video, video, video. Video, second one. What was there? If your stomach looks like this... Because a lot of this comes... Listen. Just the quote's not good, but a lot of this comes down to tone here. No, so yeah. Fuck off. I don't think we're actually going to get video of it. Go to the second one.
you can't be saying that lad you just can't like who who sure bruh I swear politicians get more fucking leeway in their job than any other job If we said that our job would be canceled and this cunt fucking has a say in what the country does and gets to say it. Where a senior minister has just reduced Indian money. Sorry. I got to hear it. Why are we watching the video of the Indian reporter?
I got to see this. Go again. Spark massive outrage by calling a planned free trade deal with India. Okay, by the way, I got sound. Start from the beginning. Start from the beginning.
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Chapter 8: How do the hosts react to the Back Rooms movie?
...where a senior minister has just reduced Indian migrants to a curry joke. He sparked massive outrage by calling a planned free trade deal with India as a butter chicken tsunami. So let's show you his picture. This is the gentleman we're talking about. His name is Shane Jeffrey Jones. He's a member of parliament in New Zealand House of Representatives.
And in a recent interview about an upcoming free trade agreement between India and New Zealand, the minister said, and I quote, I don't care how much criticism we get. I'm just right. You heard that correctly. Mr. Jones. So it's just not on video. Mr. Jones, lad, can you look up if Mr. Jones still has a job? Because he shouldn't. Shane Jones. No, but this is the thing. The public decides.
The public might love that. Do the public decide? Yeah. No, because he's not a prime minister. He's a minister though. Yeah, but then who do you think decides?
There's not just like one guy that just decides who.
But like there would be like a high, it'd be like as if another job. Like there'd be a board. It'd be like the same style. The public don't just vote if you want him out. What are you talking about? No, so you vote who you want in, and then his group... But not for a minister. You don't vote for ministers.
Yeah, but the Liberal Party, for example, they choose who their ministers are, and I think they can be... Yeah, Liberal could kick him out. I think so, yeah. But they're not going to put a vote to the public.
Yeah, no. But yeah, he's not just going to get fired straight away.
But it's pretty fucked. Yeah, it's fucked. It's so fucked. Yeah. From our brothers across the ditch and sisters. I also don't think Kiwis would like that, to be completely honest. Like what? That comment. Fuck no. Anyway, I just couldn't believe it. Yeah, it's fucking... Yeah, look. Can we look up most outrageous things ever said in parliament? Yeah, nice, Pat.
Or by a politician or something like that. But I want to read them out. I don't want videos of it. Yeah, I want to read them out. And are you going to Google it on the news section or the video section? Mate, just fucking calm down. Here we go. Oh, yeah, Pauline would be up there. Oh, fuck off. Just there was an AI overview of it. Pauline would be up there, lad. You want the AI overview?
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