Your Secret Is Safe With Me

222: Dating for the First Time in a Long Time

04 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to...

221: Why I Work with Affair Couples as Individuals

20 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise.   The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship probl...

220: Vacillating Between Two Relationships

06 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match.   One moment you're certain about choosing ...

219: Thriving After Infidelity: Michael's Story

23 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Maybe you're in the midst of an affair, paralyzed by guilt and uncertainty. Maybe you're losing sleep, watching your health decline, and feeling like ...

218: Creating the Future vs. Predicting the Future

09 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

You're already making plans for tomorrow without knowing if the internet will crash, your dog will have an emergency, or an earthquake will hit.   Yo...

217: The Perils of Telling the Truth

25 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever felt proud of yourself for telling the truth… only to later wonder if you should have approached it differently?   We often think of ...

216: When Your Affair Partner Breaks Your Heart

11 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever had someone walk out of your life without warning, only to reappear months later as if nothing happened?   It's complicated enough when...

215: Secretly Dating While You're Married

28 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever thought about "checking out your options" before making a big relationship decision?   It seems logical, right? Why make a life-changin...

214: What If You Make the "Wrong Decision" About Your Relationship(s)?

14 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" decision about your relationship(s)?   Maybe you're considering leaving your marriage,...

213: Beginnings and Endings

10 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Is it really okay to end something that's working well?   After much consideration, I've decided to pause production of Your Secret is Safe With Me i...

212: Choosing Between Two Good Things

27 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever felt stuck between two good choices?   Through my personal story of leaving a life I loved to join the Peace Corps, I illustrate how ch...

211. Dealing With Your Personal Problems When the World Is on Fire

13 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world? Wondering how to focus on your own personal struggles—like dealing with infidelity—when global cris...

210. Sex Work and Infidelity Part 2

27 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Does your partner's sexual past make you uncomfortable? What if you found out they had exchanged sex for money before you met - would that feel like c...

209. Astrology and Infidelity with Karen Hawkwood (Part 2)

13 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever felt like you have competing desires when it comes to relationships? Like part of you craves freedom and adventure while another part ye...

208. Sex Work and Infidelity Part 1

30 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Is paying for sex cheating?    In this week's episode, I dive into the complex intersection of sex work and infidelity. I explore how to be a consci...

207. Astrology and Infidelity with Karen Hawkwood

16 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever wondered if your astrological chart holds clues to your relationship patterns and tendencies?    In this episode, I sit down with teac...

206. Where Do You Want to Be a Year from Now?

02 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

What would your life look like a year from now if you resolved your infidelity situation in a way that felt really amazing to you?   Do you struggle ...

205. What Can You Give Yourself More Credit For?

19 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What if I told you that the key to making positive changes in your life is self-love and acceptance, not self-loathing?   It may sound counterintuiti...

204. The Challenges of Infidelity During the Holidays

05 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Do the holidays have you feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place in your infidelity situation? You're not alone.    Trying to balance family o...

203. Your Money or Your Freedom

21 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What's more important to you - your money or your freedom?   If you're stuck in a marriage you don't want to be in but are reluctant to leave because...

202. Breaking Up with Your Affair Partner

07 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Are you struggling with the idea of breaking up with your affair partner? How do you tell them it's over in a way that doesn't sound like an ultimatum...

201. High-Conflict Breakups

24 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

High-conflict breakups are always going to be tricky. And when infidelity is involved, feelings can get amplified, leading to some pretty interesting ...

200. Nostalgia

10 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Does your marriage or your committed relationship CURRENTLY feel like home to you? Or are you running off of memories of what your relationship once f...

199. You Are Worthy of Acceptance

26 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

No matter what you've done or are doing in regards to your infidelity situation, you are worthy of acceptance, love, and respect. As you'll hear in th...

198. What Do You Owe Your Ex-Affair Partner's Spouse?

12 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What do you do if your ex-affair partner's spouse wants to talk to you about the affair? Do you owe them an apology or explanation? Is there actually ...

197. Affairs with Old Lovers

29 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever reconnected with a former flame and found yourself in an affair, wondering if this is your second chance at true love? When people are e...

196. What Are You Tolerating?

15 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Are you tolerating aspects of your life and relationship situations that you shouldn't? This week, I dive into what happens when we tolerate things w...

195. Affair Relationships Can Last a Lifetime

01 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Something I hear regularly is the belief that relationships that begin as affairs cannot transition into non-affair relationships. A lot of folks I wo...

194. Dealing With Doubt

18 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Are you facing doubt in your infidelity situation? Do you want to make a decision but feel uncertain about what the right decision is? Maybe you are u...

193. What Do You Owe a Relationship Before You Can Decide to Leave It?

04 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

If you are married or in a long-term relationship and also involved with someone else, there may be one big question on your mind when you think about...

192. When Will I Stop Fantasizing About My Ex-Affair Partner?

20 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Do you ever find yourself fantasizing about your ex-affair partner? Do you torture yourself reminiscing on the wonderful times you shared, and the ama...

191. Are You Just Having a Midlife Crisis?

06 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There is a common belief that marriage should last a lifetime. So when somebody decides that they are dissatisfied with life as they know it, and enga...

190. The Magic Button

23 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The Magic Button that I'm diving deeper into this week is the one you wish you could push to answer all your questions about your infidelity situation...

189. Scandal, Disgrace, and Redemption

09 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

People often freak out when infidelity occurs, even if it has pretty much zero impact on their lives. It gets treated as a big scandal that the "perpe...

188. When Your Affair Partner Leaves You for the Wrong Reasons

25 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever found yourself in an affair situation with someone who is monogamously committed to someone else? For a while, your partner is pretty su...

187. It's Okay to Change Your Mind

11 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

How often do you make a decision that you think you're happy with, then doubt yourself and fear it was the wrong one because you feel so many mixed em...

186. Why I Do the Work I Do (Part 2)

28 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Join me for part two of "Why I Do the Work I Do" as I share the turning point that led me to become a relationship coach specializing in non-judgmenta...

185. Why I Do the Work I Do (Part 1)

21 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

As you may be aware, "non-judgmental infidelity coach" is not a common job description that exists out there in the world, at least not to my knowledg...

184. The Point of Resolving Your Infidelity Situation (Part 2)

14 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

At some point, the drawbacks of your infidelity situation can start to outweigh the benefits, and if this happens for you, you may want to start think...

183. When Your Affair is Over, You May be Bored

07 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

If you experience boredom after you've stopped engaging in infidelity, you may not know what to do with yourself, and you are NOT alone. Post-infideli...

182. Why Considering Non-Monogamy Might Not be Helpful

29 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this week's episode, I talk about why exploring non-monogamy COULD be a way to resolve your infidelity situation… and when why exploring non-mono...

181. How to Tell Someone You've Cheated on Them

22 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Before initiating the conversation with your partner about your affair, there are some things you need to be clear on. In today's episode, I discuss h...

180. When Your Affair Partner Has an Agenda for You

15 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Is your affair partner invested in helping you leave your committed relationship? In today's episode, I explain the importance of understanding the e...

179. How Long Should You Wait for Your Affair Partner to Leave Their Marriage?

08 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Today, I look at the question of how long you should wait for your affair partner to leave their marriage. Maybe you don't want to set a timeline for ...

178. When You Have an Agenda for Your Affair Partner

01 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Today, I'm talking to those of you who have an agenda for your affair partner. Even though you mean well, the truth is that you can only manage your o...

177. What It's Like to Work with Me

25 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Whether you've been a dedicated listener for a while or have just recently tuned in to the podcast, you might be curious about what it's like to work ...

176. Fear

18 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The feeling of fear is one of the things that can make infidelity situations seem so hard to deal with. There are a LOT of things that might seem scar...

175. The Right Tools for the Job

11 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Are you ready to make some changes but don't know where to start? This week, I share some helpful tools to help you create change and resolve your inf...

174. Believing in Your Capacity to Change

04 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

With a new year beginning, there's a feeling of change in the air for some. And maybe that change has to do with your infidelity situation. In this ep...

173. The Easy Hard Paradox

28 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I believe that "difficulty" is not an absolute truth or fact but rather a matter of our thinking. In this episode, I discuss the many ways we can thin...

172: Missing Your Affair Partner

21 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Often, people dealing with an affair ending come up against disenfranchised grief and finding forced validity in their experience. In today's episode,...

171. The Extreme Highs and Lows of Infidelity

14 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Often, our infidelity situations come with extreme highs and lows. In this episode, I talk about that emotional rollercoaster and how the extreme ups ...

170. Planning to Break up with Someone After the Holidays

07 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Holidays or not, there's never a perfect time to break up with someone. You may have been planning to break up with your partner, but then Thanksgivin...

169. Integrating Your Affair Partner Into Your Family

30 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The holidays are fast approaching, and you might be in the midst of figuring out your family's plans. More importantly, you may be figuring out how to...

168. The Gifts of Your Infidelity Situation

23 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, I share a lengthy list of questions that you can answer to help find the gifts within your infidelity situation. It would be silly to...

167. Starting Over After a Breakup

16 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Breakups are an amazing opportunity to start over. You can be feeling sad, hurt, and angry, while also stepping into a new chapter of your life.   In...

166. The Hell of Being Broken up With

09 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If someone you love breaks up with you, it may hurt like hell.  If a relationship that you hoped would continue comes to an end, you may be hurt, dev...

165. Ultimatums

02 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It's reasonable to have hopes, wishes, and desires in any relationship. However, trying to coerce, cajole, or threaten your partner into getting what ...

164. Cheating On Your Affair Partner

26 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Are you worried about cheating on your affair partner? Is that even possible? This is a real dilemma that my clients bring up, so if you can relate, y...

163. Approaches to a Breakup: Breadcrumbs vs Bombshells

19 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Breaking up with partners is something most people lack experience in. Whether your breakup is the result of infidelity, you're breaking up with an af...

162. Becoming More Decisive

12 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Your time and energy are limited, and when you don't make decisions quickly and effectively, you're wasting both. Infidelity situations are often frau...

161. How Do I Know if I'm Being Reckless?

05 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The problem with dismissing your desires because of potentially reckless outcomes is not going to help you decide what you really want. If you are fac...

160. Cheating On Your Fiancé

28 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Why does cheating on your fiancé present a particularly complex situation? Of course, not everybody puts marriage and monogamy together, but if you'r...

159. You Can't Eat the Whole Elephant at Once

21 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When you can break down your infidelity situation into individual worries, questions, hopes, decisions, and actions, you can start deciding what you w...

158. Forgiving Yourself & Forgiving Others

14 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week's episode is all about learning how to forgive yourself when you fall short of your own expectations, and forgiving others when things don't...

157. You Might Be an Asshole

07 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you're in the midst of an infidelity situation, there are plenty of opportunities for you to think of yourself as an asshole. Humans tend to be te...

156. Nurturing a Long-Term Affair (Part 2)

31 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week, Marie is going in-depth on the things for which you and your affair partner need to take collective responsibility, and the things your aff...

155. Nurturing a Long-Term Affair (Part 1)

24 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In any relationship, affair or otherwise, there are things you and your partner can deal with together, and there are some things that you or your par...

154. Being Your Own Steward

17 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It's common for people to believe that they themselves don't have the ultimate power to make decisions. Maybe they don't think they have permission to...

153. Your Questions Answered (Part 5)

10 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

How can you remain friends after an intimate affair? Why do people cheat in the first place? How might the presence of children factor into your decis...

152. Seeing Your Ex-Affair Partner in Social Settings

03 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Dr. Marie Murphy is doing something new this week. She is explicitly calling someone out for their perspective on an infidelity-related topic in an ot...

151. Your Questions Answered (Part 4)

27 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Can you keep a long-term affair going alongside your marriage? What has to happen for this situation to work out? Do cheaters always get found out? Wh...

150. Your Questions Answered (Part 3)

20 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you're concerned about justifying your decision to end the relationship, being honest without being cruel, the honesty of your affair partner, or f...

149. Your Questions Answered (Part 2)

13 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you've made mistakes in your relationship and desire to end it but worry about how others will reac...

148. Your Questions Answered (Part 1)

06 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Whether you're struggling with your thoughts and expectations of your partner, avoiding looking at your thoughts about your situation, or grappling wi...

147. You Can't Shame Yourself into Changing

29 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

There is an idea floating around in the cultural fog that if you tell yourself you're doing something wrong or that doing a particular thing makes you...

146. Loving Your Decisions

22 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

One of the biggest themes Dr. Marie Murphy's clients struggle with when they come to her for help is making decisions.  If you currently believe that...

145. Don't Wait to Get Caught

15 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Some people keep their infidelity situations going because they don't know what they want. They think being in this state of not knowing offers them s...

144. Your One Wild and Precious Life

08 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

As humans, we are part of the cosmos, something much vaster than ourselves, and our understanding of it is only partial. However, your infidelity situ...

143. Treating Your Infidelity Situation as a Life Project

01 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Are you viewing your infidelity as an unsolvable mystery, or are you ready to tackle it as a life project, an opportunity for resolution, and personal...

142. Trying to Get Back to the Way a Relationship Used to Be

25 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Some individuals who engage in infidelity express a desire to recommit to their spouse or primary partner, longing for a return to the way things were...

141. Contentment That Isn't Dependent Upon a Relationship

18 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

As a society, we have decided that if you aren't in a romantic relationship, you are alone. It's fine to prefer having a partner (or partners) over no...

140. Loneliness

11 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When it comes to infidelity and loneliness, there are two distinct-but-related problems. One is that as humans, we don't like feeling lonely. The othe...

139. Comparing Your Spouse to Your Affair Partner

04 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Comparison is a normal human behavior, especially if you're romantically involved with multiple people. There is a time and place to make comparisons,...

138. Telling a New Partner About Your History with Infidelity

27 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

You get to decide what you share about yourself with other people. If you're considering telling a new partner about your history with infidelity, mak...

137. If You Don't Feel Guilty About Cheating

20 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Discover how to deal with the idea that there's something wrong with you because you don't feel guilty about cheating. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing ...

136. If You've Been Stuck in Your Infidelity Situation for a While

13 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When you're feeling stuck in your infidelity situation, it's easy to think that the situation is out of your hands and change is becoming increasingly...

135. When Your Infidelity Situation is Brand New

06 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

No matter how your infidelity situation began, when you decide that whatever you've been doing counts as infidelity or cheating, that moment feels lik...

134. Cheating in Open Relationships

30 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Discover the options available to you if your partner has decided you've cheated in your open relationship. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing both sides ...

133. Don't Make Your Partner Break Up with You

23 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When someone in a committed relationship has been cheating on their partner and they feel stuck in deciding what they want to do, they sometimes get...

132. Stop Minimizing the Importance of Sex

16 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Is sex important to you in a relationship? If you can honestly acknowledge the extent to which good sex (however you define that) is important to you...

131. Breaking Up with Someone You've Been Cheating On

09 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When you decide that it's time to break up with someone you've been cheating on, you'll likely have a lot of questions about how to ensure the person...

130. Implicit Permission to Cheat

02 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Say you and your partner started off as a monogamous couple, but then you started discussing "alternate arrangements" and it turned out that although...

129. Cultivating Clarity and Certainty (Part 2)

23 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you're in the midst of an infidelity situation and you're confused about what to do next, it's generally the case that you may be using your mind...

128. Cultivating Clarity and Certainty

16 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Discover the value of cultivating clarity and certainty for yourself. You'll hear a story that illustrates this point, and why changing your thoughts...

127. The Limits of Other People's Advice

09 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Discover why you want to seek out advice from others, and why this might not be the best idea when it comes to your infidelity situation. Dr. Marie M...

126. Regret is Optional

02 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Tune in this week to discover why regret is optional, and how you can start preventing or minimizing it when it comes up for you. Dr. Marie Murphy ...

125: Privately Grieving the End of an Affair

26 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you truly believe you must hide your grief at the end of your affair relationship and not share the reality of what you're going through with any...

124: Dealing with Other People's Discomfort (Part 2)

19 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you're doing everything you can to make choices you think will make other people happy, this episode is for you. Discomfort and unpleasant emotio...

123: Abundance vs. Scarcity of Love

12 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you're scared of making a decision about leaving your marriage, ending your affair, or dealing with any circumstances related to your infidelity ...