Why Most People Never Build The Life They Want
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What profound realization does Eddie share about personal values?
I want to share something my friend Michael recently said on a call. And for context, he's essentially describing the last few weeks. And I found it pretty profound. He said, we don't actually value what we say we value. We value what we do. Words don't mean anything, right? The proof is in what we see when we play back the tape. And it was pointing to sort of a disconnect between what he personally was saying matters to him, you know, if someone were to ask, and how he was actually spending his time, which was essentially working. A lot. And, uh... You know, I'm paraphrasing, obviously, recapping the convo, but he was basically like, man, I talk about how much these things mean to me. People, travel, freedom.
But I look back at my life over the past, whatever it was, X many weeks or months, and it's essentially just work, work, and work. So based on my output, what do I value? Well, I value work.
How can self-awareness lead to life changes?
And, you know, this recognition prompted an awareness and a plan for change. And I just found it to be incredibly powerful. Obviously, the main point, but also the self-awareness, right? It's challenging. It's hard to view your life with that clear of a lens, to step back and really see things in totality. And see... I don't think I know of any super detailed, complex, intricate strategy that's ever changed someone's life. It's always an adjustment to the basics, the big picture things. I'm on the wrong track. I'm off course. I'm missing what matters, right? It's correcting the dissonance in our lives. And it made me think, wow, right? Where's the disconnect between what I say What I claim to value and how I'm living my life.
What is the significance of the 'big rocks' analogy?
Where's the gap between what I want most and how I spend my time? And so as I was thinking about this, right, there's a very specific kind of story or anecdote that comes to mind. I'm sure over the last 11 years of me speaking and sharing and creating, I've touched on it before, but 11 years is a long time, so I'm going to repaint this picture. It's essentially an old story about a teacher or a professor standing in front of his classroom holding an empty jar. He's doing a demonstration for his students, and he places a few big rocks inside the jar until they reach the top. He then asks the class, is the jar full? And the class, the students, seeing the jar filled with rocks, they nod. Yeah, it looks full.
So he reaches underneath the table, has a little cup of pebbles that he pulls out, and slowly pours the pebbles into the jar. The pebbles slide through the cracks between the rocks, taking up space. So he asks again, now is it full? Students laugh a little this time. Probably not, they say. Correct.
How do our daily habits reflect our true values?
In comes the sand. He takes out another cup, pours the sand into the jar. The sand fills those spaces that even the pebbles left behind. What about now? Class is perplexed. Takes out a cup of water, pours the water in the jar. Eventually, there's no room. The professor says, the lesson is simple. If you don't put the big rocks in first, they'll never fit. And this matches perfectly with the sentiment of Michael's story. Most of us can tell you what our big rocks are. It's family, it's health, freedom, creativity, peace, presence, adventure, love. Fill in the blank. You ask someone what matters most, and usually the answer comes quickly. But then you roll back the tape on their actual life, and you find that something else was put in the jar first.
What lessons can we learn from fear and uncertainty?
Work you don't like or work you're not passionate about or notifications or obligation, distraction, noise, survival mode. And by the time we finally make room for the things we swear matter most, there is no room left. That's what struck me so deeply about that conversation. You know, he said something incredibly honest. I don't think we actually value the things we say we value. I think we value what we repeatedly do. And that makes perfect sense, right? Our lives are already telling the truth. Maybe the calendar is honest. Our habits are honest. The repetition is honest, not our intentions. In fact, I had a fifth grade teacher who used to constantly say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What profound realization does Eddie share about personal values?
0:00–1:09
2
How can self-awareness lead to life changes?
1:09–2:05
3
What is the significance of the 'big rocks' analogy?
2:05–3:23
4
How do our daily habits reflect our true values?
3:23–4:18
5
What lessons can we learn from fear and uncertainty?
4:18–5:22
6
How can we find gratitude in the present moment?
5:22–6:26
7
What does Eddie advise about following one's passion?
6:26–7:51
8
How can we embrace life’s messiness to build something meaningful?
7:51–39:57
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Your World Within Podcast by Eddie Pinero
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