Why You’re Struggling to Let Go (And How to Finally Move Forward)

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Your World Within Podcast by Eddie Pinero 26 min 2 speakers 6 chapters transcribed 4 months ago
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What have you been holding on to just a little too long?

Eddie Pinero 0:00
What have you been holding on to just a little too long? There's an old story that hunters used to tell. And this parable that's been passed down over the years... I did a little digging, and there seems like some truth to it. I wouldn't take it as gospel. I'd more pay attention to the overall message. But apparently in Western and Central Africa, this was an approach that hunters used to catch animals, particularly monkeys in some instances. And so... The idea here is not about strength or speed. It's much more subtle. The idea is a little bit quieter than that. The values under the surface, if you will. So here's what these hunters would do. Here's the context. They would take this sort of narrow necked jar and they'd place something sweet inside of it.
Eddie Pinero 1:04
So say fruit or nuts or something just valuable enough for the animal to want to grab and they'd leave it alone. And then, theoretically, a monkey would come along eventually, and it would be curious, and it would peer inside, and it would reach its hand down through the narrow opening, wrap its fingers around the food. And it was in that moment where there was a turning point, right, where things changed. Because with an open hand, it can move freely. It can release its hand from the jar.

What lesson can we learn from the monkey parable?

Eddie Pinero 1:39
But with a closed fist, it's stuck. The opening that allowed it in is now too small to let it out. And here's the part that matters. The monkey doesn't understand the trap for obvious reasons. It doesn't think, hey, I should let go. It thinks I need to pull harder. So it struggles and struggles and struggles and it jerks its arm and twists and panics. The more it fights, the more convinced it becomes that something outside of it is holding it there. And all the while, the solution's just sitting quietly in its hand. It's like, let go, that's it, that's all you need to do. No strength, no struggle, no effort, no force, just release. But it won't. Because what it's holding feels valuable. Because the monkey chose it, because the monkey wants it.
Eddie Pinero 2:31
And so it stays. And it often stays long enough for the hunter to return, long enough for the trap to work. And again, this is an important distinction, right? It didn't work because the monkey was overpowered. It worked because the monkey refused to let go, to open its hand. It's very much a self-inflicted wound. So now take a step back from the story, right? Because obviously this is not about monkeys. It's about how often we do the exact same thing, just in more sophisticated ways. And we are just more evolved chimpanzees. You know, we hold on to things that keep us stuck. And I can make a nice long list, I'm sure you could too, right? Old identities, past failures, expectations that no longer fit, the need to be right, the need to be seen a certain way, the version of life we thought we'd have by now.
Eddie Pinero 3:35
we grip them and, my God, do we hold them tightly. Not because they're helping us, but because we've decided they matter. And when we feel stuck, we don't question the grip, we question everything else. We say, why can't I move forward? Why does this feel so hard? What's holding me back? Just like that metaphorical monkey in the parable, we pull harder. More effort, more frustration, more force. But the truth is quieter than that. Again, subtle. It's not always about pushing forward. Sometimes it's about opening your hand and letting go. Letting go of the thing you thought you needed. Letting go of that version of yourself that does not belong in your future. Letting go of the story that says, hey, this is just how things are.
Eddie Pinero 4:32
Because the trap isn't always obvious. It doesn't always look like a cage. It looks a lot like something you chose, something you justified, something you're not quite ready to release. So here's the shift. Here's the win. Freedom is not always about gaining something new. As much as our brains are wired to associate growth with acquisition, Sometimes the biggest steps forward come from momentarily stepping back. It comes from opening your hand. From realizing that what you're holding onto is the only thing keeping you where you are.

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