Chapter 1: What are 20 things that make you unlikable?
Show requested, so here it is. As long as you've got da-da-dada. It's ZM's Brian Clint Podcast. ZM's Brian Clint, thanks to KFC. ZM's Brian Clint. There's no reason rather than me. Good afternoon, everybody, and welcome to the Bree and Clint show on a Tuesday. And look, call us organised, but we've just been working on this week's Friday Okie. Yes, we have.
God, did you have heaps of fun doing it? Look. It's such a fun song to sing. It is. And it ties in to what's been happening in our world for the last week. We can reveal what it is this week on Friday for Friday Okie. We're going to do this by skills. Which, banger, by the way. What an absolute belter. I saw Matty McLean in reception. Oh, he'd be so jealous. Number one Spice Girls fan.
He said the best Spice Girls song. Really? Yeah.
Has he not heard Holla?
Yeah, yeah, nah. Holla didn't feature in his top ten, actually. Oh, boo. Not a true fan. If that Post Malone song last week was not in your range, this is my week to play the not in my range. Can we just get from you... What's the part where they go, who do you think you are? Oh, God. What, live? What's the part where they go real high? Hold on. I always do it. You know when we do it live? Yeah.
I always do that part because you're like, I can't do that part. So it's the part in the chorus where they go, who do you think you are? You all right? Who do you think... Can you help, Claudia? This is the bit where it goes, I said, who do you think you are? Do you think you are? Is that fun? Can we just get that from you? Do you think you are? That was so worth the wait.
It was so worth the wait. I've been brought to Greece. Let's get into today's show, Deal or Reveal, where the Olivia Dean tickets are still on the wall. The activator is at five to four this afternoon if you're keen to play ZM's Deal or Reveal. What case got opened? How much? Was it the $500? Looks like it, yeah. That's not a bad case to open. I think they took the deal.
I think they got more like $700. Really? Okay, cool. Well, let's see if we can get more out of Banker Bren at four o'clock. First, though, tradie versus lady. If you'd like to play with us, you can call us now on 0800-DIAL-ZM. We need a tradie and a lady to play with us next.
play ZM's Bree and Clint. It's tradie versus lady. Three, two, one.
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Chapter 2: What happened when a fridge fell on a comedian?
Let's go. That's right. We're back and we're keeping score. If you're playing along, the tradies have won 36 times for the year. The lady's 41. Our lady's in Christchurch. She's 37 and she played this game last year and she lost. So she's back for redemption. Welcome to the show, Alex. Hi. Hi, Alex. Hi, Alex. Hi, I'm so excited to be back on again and this time hopefully I won't lose.
Yeah, do you know how you went last time? Did you get pantsed or was it a close loss? It was a close one. Okay. I went to seven questions. Great, good to hear you keep your pants. I just want to say congratulations to Bree and Sophia. I'm so happy for you guys. Oh, bless you, Alex. That's so sweet. Thank you. My wife and I have got two daughters together. Oh, amazing.
So I don't know how hard IVF is. So I'm so stoked for you guys. Oh, thank you. That's so kind. That's very cool, Alex. It's really cool. You're taking on our trainee from Christchurch. They're 46 and he spent the day vaccinating fish. Welcome to the show, Hilton. Hi, Hilton. Hi, Hilton. Is that real? Do you vaccinate fish? Yes, we do. Do you vaccinate them against?
Do you have to put a band-aid on them after? No, we don't put a band-aid on them, but we vaccinate against a couple of different diseases and it's one of those things you've got to go through 40,000 fish in a day. Are any of the fish anti-vax? They don't get a choice, unfortunately. Yeah, right. Okay, it's mandated. All right, your buzzer is tradie. Alex, yours is lady.
The first of three correct answers gets the $50 cash. Good luck, guys. Here we go, guys. Question number one. Name a major musical that has the name of an animal in the title. Lady. Yes, Alex. Lion King. Lion King is a great one. Also, Cats we would have accepted. You were thinking Cats Hilton, yeah. All right, we move on to question two. One to the ladies.
What is the longest-running American sitcom? There's a hint. It's a cartoon. Lady. Yes, Alex. The Simpsons. It is The Simpsons. She's away and flying. Alex, Hilton's right there, though. I can hear him. He's clipping at your heels. Question number three. Buzz in when you can tell me who sings this song. Hilton. Taylor Swift. Well done. It is Taylor Swift.
I feel like that was right in the pocket for you, Alex, but we move on.
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Chapter 3: What are some funny number two emergencies?
Question four. Was Barack Obama 37, 47 or 57 when he became the president? Yes, Alex. 47. She's got it. Well done. You are all over it like a rash. Didn't even give Hilton a look in. Yeah, yeah. Well, Hilton got you on that one. That sigh there, Hilton, that's the sound of a man who spent the day vaccinating 40,000 fish and then just got diddled in tradiverse lady. It's tough. Unlucky, mate.
It's tough. I'll blame it on being cold and having stood in the water all day. Uh-huh. That's a good idea. Alex, too good, and you get that win in tradie versus lady. $50 coming your way. Well done. Thank you. Love you guys. Thank you. Love you too. Redemption, Alex. Woo-hoo! Yay! All right, ladies go to 42. Tradies stay on 36. Still tight. Ladies still up. Next on the show, question for you.
What fell on you? Yeah, on top of you. On top of you. Keep it clean. Keep it clean. Do you know the comedian Laura Cleary? No. Quite a famous comedian. Big on social media. She's in the news all over the news in the last couple of days for having a near-death experience. Oh, no. Where a fridge fell on her. Sorry. I'm sorry. It sounds. I'm sorry. It sounds like a comedy bit. It does.
But this is a legit story. She had to go to hospital. She had to go in an ambulance. She thought she was going to die. Now, there's two ways a fridge could fall on you. A fridge could fall over on you or a fridge could fall on you like they do in like the Looney Tunes. Like in Roadrunner.
Yeah, and you're walking down the street and a moving company is moving a fridge from a high-rise apartment building and a fridge falls. Or like in that movie, what's the movie where death chases you? Oh. I feel like that would happen in that movie. Final Destination. Yeah. Fridge edition. Fridge falls on you. They should do a Final Destination where it's all whiteware. Oh, terrifying.
Someone, yeah, someone. What is the scariest whiteware, do you reckon? Um. I don't find any whiteware particularly scary. You don't? No. What about a deep freeze? Oh, yeah, a chest freezer, yeah.
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Chapter 4: How do outfit-based meltdowns affect people?
Because that's where the bodies go. Yep, and it's always hidden down in the laundry. Unless you're rich, unless you're rich, it's always in the laundry that's like dark and cold. You have to walk downstairs to get out the bloody chicken for tonight's dinner. When I was growing up, not rich, the deep freeze was in my bedroom.
And it was one of those real old deep freezers too, the old Fisher & Paykel ones where the handle is brown. No, it's all white, but the handle, the inside of the handle is brown. And I'd be asleep and then in the middle of the night I'd go... It's gone into overdrive. Never got defrosted. No. Never got defrosted. Dad would come in and be like, I'm just getting some mints out for dinner. No.
As he picks his way through the ice in the deep freeze. Everything, it had freezer burn on it. Cool memory. So, yeah, actually, deep freeze for me. Yeah. Well, for this woman, it was the fridge. It was a 270 kilo fridge. Goddamn. That toppled onto her inside of her home where it was just her and her young children there. She thought, I'm going to die here. She started to lose consciousness.
It kind of fell into her and kind of pinned her up against the kitchen bench is what I'm picturing from what they've described. She, in the end, the ambulance had to come. Yeah. They came, they saved her. She had to go to hospital. Yeah, scary. She was in a bad way.
Mm-hmm.
Terrifying. We got some audio of her. This is in the ambulance with the Ambos. Take a listen. I was crushed by a Ā£600 fridge. Is that correct? Yes. Buzzy. She sounds like she's on the green whistle. I think so. Must be a big fridge. I've just Googled how much a standard French door fridge freezer, because those are the big ones in New Zealand, between 100 and 200 kgs. Yeah, this was 270.
So she's got a 270. I guess once it's full of groceries. Yeah, true. You need to take that into account. Yeah. Yeah. Did she say how it happened? Yeah, no. Because a fridge doesn't just fall over. Yeah, it didn't really go into that because I looked for that information. Unless it's a haunted fridge. Maybe she's saving that for her stand-up. For her stand-up, yeah. Yeah.
Which coincidentally is what the fridge failed to do.
Yeah.
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Chapter 5: What are the traits that make someone unlikable?
Because that's not funny. Yeah, that's a bit of a down buzz. If you died, don't call. But if you survived, we want to know what fell on you. Wile E. Coyote rings up and goes, I've got a hip-line anvil. Yeah. But I survived. But I'm here to tell the tale. Goddamn, Roadrunner. Are you a mechanic and did a car fall on you? Whoa. That's so scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you a midwife and did a baby fall on you? I don't know. Oh, $100 at M. You can text your stories to 9696. The question is... What fell on you? Great text. But first, Patricia is on the phone. Hi, Patricia. Hi, Patricia. Hi, Clint. How are you? Good, thank you. Mate, what fell on you? Sorry? What fell on you?
Oh, a 13-hands high horse fell on me when I was settling it for my friend. A whole horse fell on you, Patricia.
Yeah. Why would the horse be doing that? Well, I was saddling it, and the girth that you put underneath the horse, I pulled it, and the horse came with it. Oh, my God.
Were you okay?
Oh, no, no, no. They had to be careful of the toxins that got released and all this other thing that was going on.
What toxins? Did it burst your pancreas or something?
No, no, luckily nothing bursted or anything, but it was quite scary kind of sitting under there like, this is exciting-ish, I suppose.
How much would you say a 13-hand horse weighs, Patricia? Off the top of my head, more than probably 80 kgs, that's real. Yeah, a bit more than 80 kgs. I would say it probably weighs like 600. Oh, yeah. 700. I've Googled it, guys. A 13-hand horse, 52 inches, typically weighs between 250 and 350 kilos. My ponies were real fat.
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Chapter 6: How do you deal with outfit-based meltdowns?
A swing set fell on me. Oh, no. How'd you manage that? Oh, well, I was swinging. One of those kids swing sets that's not bolted to the ground, Kate.
It snapped in the middle. It was like a big wooden structure and, yeah, had a couple of swings on it. And, yeah, we were swinging and fell, like kind of snapped in half. And so it was very dramatic. Landed on my nono and, yeah, broke my kneecap.
It's funny, Kate, because that's how my uncle said he hurt his knee as well was swinging. What? Anyway, story for another time, Kate. Story for another time. We asked what fell on you. Someone said my drunk brother who stands seven foot tall fell on me while I was trying to help him home after his 21st. Seven foot tall? Seven foot, brother. Here's a text you don't receive every day. Okay.
The question was, what fell on you? Someone said, a penguin fell out of a tree and hit me on my head and shoulder. I was walking on a track at night in Stewart Island and the tree branches came out over the track which runs at tree root level. I heard a noise above me and I looked up and a penguin fell out of the tree branch and hit me. That is a very unique story. You got hit by a penguin.
I was waiting for them to say they were playing Club Penguin or something. But no, it's a real story. An actual penguin. Someone said, geez, Bree, my Clydesdale weighs 650 kilos. I was a 13-hand horse. I was thinking it was bigger than what it was. No, I'm with you. I would have thought a full-sized horse weighed more than 300 kilos. I was thinking it did. Yeah.
Like my dad, I was basing it off my dad's bull. Well, that's a different animal. I know, but I was basing it off the fact that my dad's bull weighs over a ton. Oh, okay. I see. Yeah. We asked what fell on you. Someone said, my best mate fell onto my wife. Whoops. My foreman fell on me and got me pregnant. I was his apprentice. Ha ha. Very good. Someone said, I am four foot 11 and it fell on me.
Luckily, what fell on you? Oh, keep reading. It was on the bed, but I lay there and thought people will find me in my coffin. I decided to move a huge wardrobe by rocking it side to side to put in the passage. Oh, wow. I wonder how long you were stuck there for. Four foot 11? Yeah. Get a... Get a mover. Or a hand trolley. Yeah, one of the two. I played president's grade rugby for the old fellas.
We played to Carwell in the Manawatu a couple of seasons ago and I got crushed under a ruck. My mate that plays for them weighs 198 kgs. What? That's 50 kgs less than a horse we just found out. That's crazy. And there were at least two others of a similar size on top of me. I felt my soul leave my body. 198 kgs.
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Chapter 7: What are the most embarrassing moments related to fashion?
That's a big boy. That is a big boy. Someone said, my sister tried to climb onto a grandfather clock. No. Luckily, mum happened to walk past just as it began to fall and she managed to stop it with her arm. My sister was fine, but mum sliced up her forearm pretty badly when the glass door shattered upon impact. God, the mum would have been so annoyed. Get off the grandfather clock.
No, say that to the grandfather clock. Get off the children, grandfather clock. My workmate had a small concrete panel fall on him. It weighed 500 kilos. A 100 millimetre drain pipe saved him from being way worse. So obviously he's hit the drain pipe. And that's just kept it off him a little bit. It's kept him off him, yeah, enough. It's taken a little bit of the... Because that'd kill you.
500 kilos. 500 would kill you, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's almost as big, just a bit bigger than a horse. That's two horses. Yeah. Depending on those, as we've found out. Someone said, I found my stepsister stuck under the washing machine that fell on her. No, you didn't. I hope that story... No, you didn't. I've seen that video. Had a very happy ending.
We love these stories, Clint, where the oldest person gives out their advice about the best three things you can do. Yeah, everyone's like, you made it to this age, what's the secret? And deep down, everybody wants the secret to be, I had three standard drinks every day. Or chocolate is a big one too. Cheesecake. Cheesecake, yeah. Eating a cheesecake every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God.
We'd love that. I feel like cheesecake is underrated. And I will say I feel like wet cheesecake, the most underrated. Oh, yeah. Do you prefer it baked? I... There's this place in Auckland called Fed Deli, and they do a cheesecake board, and so you can get a slice. What? Yeah. It's a single serve. It's a dessert for one, and you get three slices of cheesecake.
How are we just hearing about this now? I think they do two baked and a wet, and so you get the slices of the cheesecake. Guys, can we go there on Friday, please, so we can get that? Oh, God, I love cheesecake. Yes. Oh, how have you never brought this up, Clint? I'm getting one to myself. You can get your own. Yeah, it's what she said, one each. Yeah. 100%.
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Chapter 8: What are the common themes in emergency stories shared?
That'd be three, six, 12 slices of cheesecake, please. I think that's fine. Yeah. And if it was the key to living longer, then no one would judge us. We would live forever, yeah. So it turns out this guy says, eat more cheesecake. Really? No, I'm joking. I wish it was. He's 111. He's the oldest man in America right now. Okay. His name is Lewis. Joe Biden. Sorry.
Sorry.
Louis Cano, and he said that there's three different habits that he believes is the key to him living a long life. All right, this is good. This is what we need to know. Okay. Yeah. This guy was born in 1914. Wow. Does that blow your mind? 1914. That's the year World War I started. He was there for World War I, World War II, when the Titanic sank. Yep. No, Titanic sunk in 1912.
Oh, he just missed out on that. He just missed that one. Just missed out. This guy was around when sliced bread was invented. You don't know that. No, I know that. I'll put a hundred bucks on it. Okay. Can you tell me what his secrets are? Okay. Sorry, I was trying to jazz this up a bit because they're a bit boring. Do not drink alcohol. He was alive for World War I and 9-11. There you go. Yeah.
Crazy times. Do not drink alcoholic beverages. Is the first one. Yeah. So it hasn't started well. Boo. Okay. Yeah. Sleep well. Oh, yeah. Sleep is key, he said. Obviously. And, God, Clint and Ella are going to be devastated about this one. What? No smoking. Funny. Sorry, guys. I would never do such a thing. Sorry, guys. Bad news. What is this guy, a 111-year-old virgin?
No drinking, no smoking, get an early night. No thanks, I'll die early, thank you very much. Rather have sex, please. Currently, for the tennis tour, they're playing at Roland Garros. Oh, is it Roland Garros? Roland Garros. That's the clay one. It is the clay one, which was notoriously Nadal's... favourite event.
There's a story that's doing the rounds about a French tennis player that's had a bit of a mare in the first round at Roland Garros. Oh yeah, okay. So he was a wild card. He's an up-and-comer and he's managed to, you know, win his way into the tournament. Nice. First round game, things aren't going the best for this guy. His name's Arthur Jaya and
He was 4-1 down in the first set and it's when disaster struck and he needed to use the bathroom. Oh. And when I say... You're allowed to use the bathroom in the middle of a tennis match? I believe there is certain rules, like maybe it's between sets. Okay. I think every tournament's different. Yeah.
But there is very strict rules about when you can and can't use the bathroom and blah, blah, blah. Anyway... It wasn't a point in the game when you could use the bathroom. But he needed to use the bathroom. Oh, like he needed to use the bathroom. He needed the bathroom. Okay. Take a listen to him talking to the umpire about needing to go. Thank you. Thank you.
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