Can men and women be just friends? The answer matters more than you think Jun 19th 2025|Istanbul and Seoul “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way,” says Harry in When Harry Met Sally (1989). Decades later, Turkey’s religious authority echoed this sentiment, warning that friendships between men and women lead to adultery. While studies show men in platonic friendships often overestimate women’s attraction to them, it doesn’t mean such friendships are doomed. Most people can control their urges, and cross-sex friendships bring important social benefits. A large study by Meta and NYU analysed 1.8 billion Facebook users, creating a “cross-gender friendship index” (WHMSI). A score of zero means complete gender segregation; one means equal numbers of same- and cross-sex friends. Conservative Muslim societies like Libya and Iraq score just 0.1, while countries in Africa and South America show higher mixing. Western countries average around 0.5-0.6. Interestingly, regions with higher female labour-force participation have more cross-sex friendships. Nigeria, where women work nearly as much as men, scores 0.67; India, with far fewer women working, scores 0.34. Sexual freedom also correlates with cross-sex friendships. In conservative societies, women’s behaviour is seen as tied to family honour, discouraging interaction with men. In Turkey, where few women work outside the home, informal gender segregation persists. This limits women’s career progress and reinforces stereotypes that women are emotional or unreliable. In East Asia, South Korea’s WHMSI score is low. Many men there don’t consider being friends with women, believing their interests are too different. This cultural divide contributes to workplace inequality and even a rise in involuntary celibacy among men. Do cross-sex friendships make people less sexist, or do less sexist cultures produce more of them? Likely both. A German study found that boys with female friends became more egalitarian over time, while girls’ views were unaffected. Encouraging cross-gender friendships early may help. In an experiment called “Buddy Up”, preschoolers paired with opposite-sex classmates later showed more willingness to play together. This supports the idea that positive contact between groups reduces prejudice, whether between ethnicities or genders. Cross-sex friendships, though simple, may be a key step toward real equality. 「男人和女人不能當朋友，因為性總是會介入。」這是1989年電影《當哈利碰上莎莉》中的一句台詞。幾十年後，土耳其宗教機構也發表類似警告，認為男女友誼會導致通姦。研究發現，男性在柏拉圖式友誼中常高估女性對自己的好感，但這並不代表這類友誼注定失敗。大多數人能控制欲望，且異性友誼對社會有重要益處。 Meta和紐約大學分析了18億名Facebook用戶，建立了「跨性別友誼指數」（WHMSI）。分數0表示完全性別隔離，1表示同性與異性朋友數量相等。保守的穆斯林社會如利比亞和伊拉克得分僅0.1，而非洲及南美一些國家異性友誼較常見。西方國家平均約0.5-0.6。有趣的是，女性勞動參與率較高的地區，異性友誼也較多。例如，奈及利亞女性工作比例接近男性，得分0.67；印度女性工作比例低，得分僅0.34。性自由也與異性友誼有關。在保守社會，女性行為被視為家庭榮譽的象徵，限制了與男性的交往。在土耳其，少數女性能在外工作，非正式性別隔離盛行，阻礙女性職場晉升並加深「女性情緒化、不可靠」的刻板印象。在東亞，南韓的異性友誼指數很低。許多男性認為男女興趣差異太大，難以成為朋友。這種文化隔閡助長了職場不平等，也讓非自願單身男性增加。異性友誼是否讓人更不性別歧視，或是較不性別歧視的文化產生更多這類友誼？答案可能是雙向的。德國一項研究發現，與異性朋友相處的男孩，隨時間變得更支持性別平等，而女孩觀點則未受影響。從小鼓勵異性友誼或許能改善現況。美國一項「Buddy Up」實驗讓學齡前兒童與異性搭檔進行遊戲，數月後，參與實驗的男孩更願意與女孩一起玩耍。這印證了「正向接觸能減少偏見」的理論，無論是族群間還是性別間。異性友誼看似簡單，卻可能是實現真正平等的重要一步。 -- Hosting provided by SoundOn

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