need for being seen, heard, and valued

…And the one that's the most painful is the one that triggers the brain's survival directive. Because the most painful one means they're not meeting the need. The child has only one need, to be seen and heard and valued. And if you're engaged with controlling, you're not seeing or hearing. or valuing, you're telling them what to do.…

…The child has only one need, to be seen and heard and valued. So when you grow up, you still have that need. When you get to partner selection, you'll pick the person who's similar to the one who was most painful in your childhood. The brain is still looking for survivals. And it says the deepest need not met was with the controlling person.…