Aaron Doughty
speaker
216 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard May 2025
last heard May 2025
Aaron Doughty’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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The difference is that the empath turned up their ability to feel so that then they can change and control themselves to then get by and to feel safe, whereas the narcissist will turn down their ability to feel so that then they can justify and get by being a specific way and maybe be unaware of how everyone else is feeling, but at least then they feel safe.
So both of these are strategies to feel safe or strategies at least in the perceived sense of safe.
So one is more grandiose and kind of entitled, and one is more shame underneath the surface base that's almost a shame to even show it. So a lot of times what will happen is the biggest insights for both of these, and especially for the empath, is to begin speaking and to leaning into vulnerability.
actually expressing what they really think and what they really feel, which will feel scary at first because there'll be a fear that if I share this, they're going to feel tension. And remember, their tension is my tension because I've turned up my ability to feel. So what happens is they block themselves from actually being authentic subconsciously because they're still in this pattern.
But one of the reasons they've attracted each other is because they're opposite sides of the same thing, the same core wound. both shame-based. One is more grandiose shame-based that has this false sense of self, and one is more under-the-surface shame-based that doesn't want to be rejected or abandoned. So who and how do I need to be?
So the other, though, of each of these possesses, in a way, it sounds weird to say, but they each possess the under- or overdeveloped part of each other. So for the empath, there's actually something to learn from the narcissist.
Now, the thing with empaths is they think to themselves, well, even though it's a false sense of frame that the narcissist is in, they have a sense of frame that subconsciously I believe the empath is attracted to somehow. And if the empath were to begin being in their own authentic frame...
and to trust themselves that it's not going to turn into this toxic thing over here because when you start to tell an empath that they're like i don't want to be like this person though but you're not going to be like this person if you just set a boundary or if you tune inside of your body and you speak from your heart like you more so want to come into the middle and
Now, of course, it's obvious that this person's an empath, can feel other people's energies, and possesses the opposite of what this person has underdeveloped, which is the ability to feel other people's emotions and energies, and to be thoughtful, to be more compassionate, etc., But nonetheless, both of them have the opposite side of the pattern that's underdeveloped in the other.
And of course, the answer is to come more in balance with it and to begin embodying that part of you that maybe hasn't been activated before. So for me, when I went through this transformation years ago, the way that looked like is I had to start as an empath. First off, empath, narcissist labels, I think can be very limiting.
Yes.
Yeah, a lot of it for me was becoming aware of the pattern and becoming aware of the energy, the patterns within my relationships, and then also becoming aware of the pattern of seeing where is my opportunity for growth. And I could tap into my body more. And that's where everything shifted, by the way. There's a very simple process that I call the frame technique.
I learned it from a shadow work integration coach that I had years ago. He had a double PhD in psychology with an emphasis on Carl Jung psychology. And it's a Zazen technique. principle or technique that I learned, but I call it the frame technique on YouTube.
There's videos on YouTube where I talk about it that like, but it's not actually called the frame technique except for I coined it that because I didn't know what else to call it because it was just this technique. But basically what it is, is you feel the separation inside of your body between you and other people and you and even objects. Because here's the challenge with the empath.
The empath sees everything else as an extension of them. What they've done as a kid is they've expanded their field to include their family, to include their environment. So what happens is your tension is my tension. So if I mitigate your tension, I can feel good. But the energy is too far out and too expanded. Now, what happens is this technique is very simple.
What you do is you stare at a candle flame or any object, really. But a candle flame has always worked powerful for me. And it's what I recommend because your eyes focused on one point. So first off, there's a couple things that happen here. The first thing is when your eyes are focused on one point, your eyes aren't wandering around. When your eyes wander around, your mind wanders.
And I remember it clicked for me when I was in a Bikram yoga class years ago, and she's like, eyes and yourself on the mirror, eyes that wanders, a mind that wanders. And I was like, oh, that's part of that. I think the magic of this candle flame. But you stare at a candle flame, and on the in-breath, what you do is
is you feel the separation between you and the flame you feel the space in between you and the separation you feel strong in your sense of self inside of your body and then what happens is you stare intently on the flame itself the center of the flame and Then on the out-breath, you relax and you relax your peripheral. Doesn't mean your eyes are looking around.
It means that you're softening the gaze around the flame. And on the out-breath, you can feel at one with your environment. You allow yourself to soften in that energy. So on the in-breath itself, And on the out-breath, it's connected to other.
And really what this is when it comes to empath and narcissist dynamic of what the room for growth is, it's understanding a healthy aspect of self and a healthy aspect of connecting to others. And what happens is if you think about it like zeros and ones, like in the matrix. So zeros and ones, and think of zeros as other and ones as self, right?
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