Healing + Human Potential
How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90
Tue, 27 May 2025
Why do we keep attracting relationships that don’t feel aligned — and what does that reveal about how we relate to ourselves? In today’s episode of The Healing & Human Potential Podcast, I sit down with Aaron Doughty to explore the unseen energetic patterns that keep us stuck in cycles of over-giving, self-abandonment, and people-pleasing. We talk about why empaths are often drawn to narcissists, how early childhood roles shape our identity, and what it really means to reclaim your energy and worth. We also dive into powerful tools like Ho’oponopono, how to stop enabling others while still staying in your heart, and why true healing begins when we stop blaming and start taking full responsibility for the patterns we carry. If you’ve ever felt like you’re giving more than you’re receiving, or drawn to fix others at the cost of yourself, this conversation offers a new perspective on what healing can look like. Tune in and discover how to step out of old survival strategies and into the kind of connection that reflects your true worth. === GUEST LINKS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aarondoughty44 Website: https://aarondoughty.com === Have you watched our previous episode with Robert? Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/l5BZ1Ca5F-Q ==== Want one of the most Powerful Tools to Support you in Awakening & Manifesting Your Dream Life from the Inside Out (for Free)? Learn how to live to your full potential without letting fear get in the way of your dreams. ✨ Here's How to Get Your Gift: ✨ Step 1: Just head over to Apple Podcast or Spotify + leave a review now Step 2: Take a screenshot before hitting submit Step 3: Then go to alyssanobriga.com/podcast to upload it! ==== Alyssa Nobriga International, LLC - Disclaimer This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional. We shall in no event be held liable to any party for any reason arising directly or indirectly for the use or interpretation of the information presented in this video. Copyright 2023, Alyssa Nobriga International, LLC - All rights reserved. === Want 3 Life-Changing Tools you can use on yourself (or your clients) from inside our Accredited Coaching Certification? Click here to get them for Free: https://www.alyssanobriga.com/tools 🎉 === Website: alyssanobriga.com Instagram: @alyssanobriga TikTok - @alyssanobriga Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/6b5s2xbA2d3pETSvYBZ9YR Apple Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healing-human-potential/id1705626495
Chapter 1: What is the main topic of this episode?
At the deepest level of forgiveness, there's nothing to forgive, which will trigger a lot of people when they hear that. But it's about understanding that it wasn't the divine essence of a person that did that to you. The unconsciousness is what did it. When you start to become okay with people not resonating with you, it's actually something that could be celebrated.
You came here to have the courage to express yourself.
to be the real you and it's not your job to please anyone else and the beauty of that is you allow the people that aren't resonating with that level of you to leave but also you allow in the people that really will resonate with that deeper more vulnerable aspect of you i had to learn how to not associate my sense of worth by taking on their burden and then trying to fix them the other aspect i realized is that i was thinking that i was helping them when i was actually enabling them
Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're exploring the deeper energetic layers of healing, specifically things like why do we keep attracting relationships that feel misaligned? What are the subtle ways that we abandon ourselves and how do we really shift that so we can authentically live our lives?
We're also going to talk about people pleasing, which really is a defense mechanism. and then how to stop dimming your light so that then you feel safe. Joining us is Erin Doughty, a teacher and YouTuber with almost 2 million subscribers, known for guiding people through awakening, breaking free from old identities, and really embodying their highest vibrational self. Let's dive in.
Aaron, I'm so happy to have you here. And I wanted just to dive in and talk about something that I know is really common with relationships. So people oftentimes wonder, why do I keep attracting the same partners? And you talk about this from an energetic perspective, which I'm really curious to hear your thoughts.
Like if somebody's attracting somebody that is, they're trying to fix the person all the time, what would you say is happening on an energetic level? What do you see?
I see two different things going on. I see on one hand, there's an energetic energy that's going on that's being neared back. And on the other hand, there's a spiritual component. I believe that's happening as well. So from the energetic level, it can be that people attract people that are reflections of certain patterns because subconsciously there may be some unresolved energy there and
And based on their beliefs, based on the patterns that they familiarized as a kid, they tend to attract people that mirror that energy back.
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Chapter 2: Why do empaths attract narcissists?
And so what I'm hearing you say is like, as you fully authentically learn to express yourself and you feel safe in certain relationships, just stretch that muscle. People are attracted to you. You actually let that in because you're more authentic. It's like, oh, I'm letting it in because I'm not pretending to be someone. They're really seeing me.
And because you accept yourself, they're also that reflection and that mirror. Yeah.
It's interesting. When you think about that idea of being attractive or having magnetic energy or wanting acceptance from everybody, the truth is, in our minds, we may think that's what we want. We want everyone to like us, but do you really want everyone to like you? Like, do you want sociopaths to like you? Do you want narcissists to like you? You don't want everybody to like you.
But in the mind, that can be like as a survival mechanism, the belief. So when you start to become okay with people not resonating with you, knowing that when other people don't resonate with you, it's actually something that could be celebrated instead of like avoided because of the abandonment wound or whatever it is.
Now, what it means if somebody doesn't resonate with you, it means you had the courage to be the real you. You had the courage to express the real you. And you then allowed other people in your life to see the real you. And the beauty of that is you allow the people that aren't maybe resonating with that level of you to leave.
So you don't keep having superficial relationships, taking space in your life and blocking the other people that could be coming in. But also... you allow in the people that really will resonate with that deeper aspect, more vulnerable aspect of you. So it's not our job to manage what that is.
All of that of whether people resonate with you, don't resonate with you, et cetera, is something that you just let go of and you recognize that your job, your task is, is to focus instead on you being the most authentic version of you, you expressing yourself and knowing that who's meant to find you will, who's meant to leave your life may.
But something I've learned is that as I go deeper within myself, I only attract people that are deeper reflections within myself or reflections of that new energy. So it's not like you lose yourself. the depth that you've created. You just go deeper and some people in your life may go deeper with you or you may also make space for people to come into your life where there is that depth with.
So I think that brings to the people pleaser maybe a little bit of understanding that you don't have to manage any of this Your job is just to be the real you. And the thing that maybe you came here to learn at like a soul spiritual level was you came here to learn how to be in your own frame. You came here to have the courage to express yourself, to have the courage to be the real you.
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Chapter 3: How can I break the cycle of self-abandonment?
Another thing I've done with that around manifestation is in a mastermind, I have them share their vision for what they see in the one person starting. So for example, if somebody was holding space for me, a small group of people, they would share in the voice recording the celebration of what they see for me having already happened and their excitement and their level of heightened awareness.
So if I couldn't tap into that, I could also phone a friend and have them share it in a group where they record it. And then I can go back to that. Actually, I have that. I should listen to that. I asked a group that I did to do that. So this is fun. These are different manifestation hacks. I love that you're doing that now. You
Yeah, and it's cool for people because some people may tap into it more when they're saying it and then they hear other people kind of like chiming in. But some people may relate to it more if they hear other people because of how their brain works.
So it's like I see what you're mentioning could be very powerful because they may digest information better where it's like they visualize that if someone's saying it to them. Yeah. Of course, the energy behind the magic of this whole thing is that the key is shifting our energy field now as if it's already happened.
The thing where people get stuck a lot is they're like, one day I'm going to attract this, this, and this. One day. When I start, when I start, when I start. And the thing is, if it happens one day, that's not now. Right. And it's always one day, it's always in the future, which doesn't exist anyways, because the future's a concept.
So it's like, how can you prime your energy field now to feel it as if it's already happened? Because the things of whatever symbol we all shared of what we wanted to create, Those were all symbols of a certain energy state that we wanted to feel.
So it's like if we can feel those emotions now and create that inner shift inside of ourselves now and live from that place, then we're going to attract out of the 11 to 15 million bits of information, 100 bits per second, we're going to start perceiving of ones that are more in alignment with that energy that we've created inside of our field. So that's the magic of it too.
It's like this is all fun exercise, but ultimately the deepest level is that you are it.
Right.
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Chapter 6: What is the role of childhood experiences in adult relationships?
the leaving pattern, which is more like empath, some of this like taking off out of the body. So I'm just hearing what you're saying and putting it through different frames in my own life. And also this energetic bubble or egg, this golden light that we have our own unique energy supply that we can tap into and not just need it from others can be really helpful.
And when we're doing some of the subconscious work, even if we go back to our childhood to reinvestigate what we believed to be true, to say, did they not have their power? Or was I safe? Was it okay to see again? I find that even just saying while you're in that more subconscious state to say that was then this is now or that was then this is me to find that separation. Yeah.
Yeah, that's powerful. Those are powerful ways of looking at the energy and being able to see how you relate to other people. I'm sure relating to your mom in that way probably also shifted. Yeah, shifted you guys. And also probably that was leaking into maybe other areas of your life.
My team.
Yes, exactly. Which is interesting. That does happen in business a lot. You're like, oh, where's this pattern also coming through here in business? Yeah. The patterns in general when it comes to self versus other, it's a way for us to start learning how to feel safe in our own body. And also, for me, the thing I had to learn to do was to tune to my body way more and to learn how to –
operate from a level of vulnerability and the form of authenticity. So instead of abandoning myself, instead of being nice, that's the other thing that you have to like learn to let go of. Because here's the thing with being nice. To be kind is not attached to outcome. To be kind is attractive. To be nice is an energy of I'm going to be nice to get something in return.
Yeah.
Even when you if you have everyone has a friend that's nice. Right. You're like, oh, he's nice. Oh, she's nice. It's said like that. It's like they're nice because it's an energy where there's this this energy. It's not completely authentic.
Yeah.
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