How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Any Relationship with Aaron Doughty | EP 90
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What is the main topic of this episode?
At the deepest level of forgiveness, there's nothing to forgive, which will trigger a lot of people when they hear that. But it's about understanding that it wasn't the divine essence of a person that did that to you. The unconsciousness is what did it. When you start to become okay with people not resonating with you, it's actually something that could be celebrated. You came here to have the courage to express yourself. to be the real you and it's not your job to please anyone else and the beauty of that is you allow the people that aren't resonating with that level of you to leave but also you allow in the people that really will resonate with that deeper more vulnerable aspect of you i had to learn how to not associate my sense of worth by taking on their burden and then trying to fix them the other aspect i realized is that i was thinking that i was helping them when i was actually enabling them
Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're exploring the deeper energetic layers of healing, specifically things like why do we keep attracting relationships that feel misaligned? What are the subtle ways that we abandon ourselves and how do we really shift that so we can authentically live our lives? We're also going to talk about people pleasing, which really is a defense mechanism. and then how to stop dimming your light so that then you feel safe. Joining us is Erin Doughty, a teacher and YouTuber with almost 2 million subscribers, known for guiding people through awakening, breaking free from old identities, and really embodying their highest vibrational self. Let's dive in.
Aaron, I'm so happy to have you here. And I wanted just to dive in and talk about something that I know is really common with relationships. So people oftentimes wonder, why do I keep attracting the same partners? And you talk about this from an energetic perspective, which I'm really curious to hear your thoughts. Like if somebody's attracting somebody that is, they're trying to fix the person all the time, what would you say is happening on an energetic level? What do you see?
I see two different things going on. I see on one hand, there's an energetic energy that's going on that's being neared back. And on the other hand, there's a spiritual component. I believe that's happening as well. So from the energetic level, it can be that people attract people that are reflections of certain patterns because subconsciously there may be some unresolved energy there and And based on their beliefs, based on the patterns that they familiarized as a kid, they tend to attract people that mirror that energy back.
Yeah.
So a very common pattern people might attract is if they are someone that overgives, someone that's giving a lot or trying to fix other people, they may find themselves attracted to people that overtake. Mm-hmm. And one of the reasons being is because one, they may have familiarized that energy as a kid, or they may also believe that it is their role or their responsibility to fix someone else. The other component of this too is that there may also be an identity that they took on younger that was an identity of I am worthy if I give. My sense of self-worth subconsciously is tied to my ability to be good And to be good as a kid may mean that you abandon yourself to ease the tension in the family or that you abandon yourself to make mom or dad happy.
And then there's like this rule that's set up that is that in relationships, for me to be worthy, I must give or overgive or I must fix. and that starts a pattern where then what happens is people that come into your life you in a way tolerate a certain energy more than other people because that's normalized so whereas somebody that may have been in a relationship with someone that's an overtaker or that's kind of entitled they may have been in that relationship and then chosen to leave the relationship or to set a boundary in that relationship because it wasn't something that was equal to how they see themselves being treated.
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