Alain De Botton

40 years ago now.

Very useful.

Who's avoidant?

Who's anxious?

Who's secure?

What makes you avoidant?

What are your triggers?

We don't need people to be perfect in relationships, but if they have some grasp of the areas in which they go a bit mad, that's tremendously helpful.

To be able to give your partner a rudimentary, but nevertheless, fairly accurate map of

the bits of you that are a little wonky, this is very generous.

This is a hugely generous act to say, in this area, I'm fragile.

When it comes to how I might behave about the fact that you have lots of friends or that you're often down about something or that you're not punctual or whatever, these things are difficult.

And the reason why relationships get so bitter is that people fail to remember the complicated in a way

very understandable reasons for why their partner is as difficult as they are.

If you can remember, okay, what I'm dealing with is not an enemy who's trying to ruin my life, but someone who really struggled with their father when they were five.

That's why it's so hard for them to do that thing in the kitchen that I'd like them to do.

They're not trying to ruin my life.

They're just trying to cope in their own way.

And we forget this.

It's so hard, but there should be a patron saint of this and there should be