Alfie Kohn
speaker
385 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Oct 2018
last heard Oct 2018
Alfie Kohn’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
It the best scenario is as long as kids think they're in danger of being punished or as long as they think there's a possibility they'll be rewarded
they may emit the behavior that the person with the power demands.
But no reward, no sticker, star chart, praise or threat of consequence can ever help children develop a commitment.
to good values or an interest in learning or a tendency to care about other people.
Glad to be here.
All right, let's do that.
Well I can try to summarize a whole book in a few sentences, but of course that's always a somewhat futile labor.
Um
Most parenting resources
are premised on the idea that whatever the parent wants the kid to do
That's legitimate and here are some practical tips for getting the child to comply.
Uh I begin from the premise that we need to think about our long term goals for children, the kind of people we'd like them to become.
And if we shift our focus in that way to the long term,
then we have to ask questions such as what does this child need?
And how can I meet those needs?
Which is a completely different question from how can I get my kid to do whatever I tell her?
And what kids need, among other things, is not merely to be loved
not even loved a lot.
But to be loved unconditionally, which means for who the child is, not for what the child does.
So there are no strings attached.
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