Alfie Kohn

speaker

385 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Oct 2018 last heard Oct 2018

Alfie Kohn’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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And even when a kid screws up

or falls short.

the child

Неверт, невев reason to doubt that we still care.

Um it's not just that we think that, it's that it looks that way from the child's perspective, which is a critical difference.

And

That notion of being loved no matter what

turns out to be the exact opposite of what most parenting advice consists of, which gives children the message you have to jump through my hoop.

um in order to get my acknowledgement, my attention, my approval.

my care.

Um, for example, praising children.

Good job.

I really like the way you dot dot dot.

sends the message that that love and excitement and enthusiasm

has strings attached, it's only when you are well behaved or impressive in school or

look pretty or sound smart or funny or whatever.

It doesn't matter what the condition is, the point is that there are conditions attached.

So praise like other forms of rewards.

is a form of conditional parenting.

And that's the exact opposite of what

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