Ali Shahalom

I'm trying to fast, read Quran and go mosque all while glued to this telegram chair.

I got invited to parliament for iftar, but said no.

That's not me flexing.

I just can't risk it.

What if I'm eating a samosa in the House of Commons and I miss the booking window to the House of Allah?

My priorities are straight cars.

A ticket to paradise is more important than a selfie in parliament.

In hindsight, I could have actually gone.

Because the booking window wasn't that day.

I missed out on free biryani, man.

But then a few days later, inshallah becomes alhamdulillah.

four hours put your preferred package in your basket by 12 p.m and look out for the checkout button it's finally happening i wake up at 7 a.m telegram is busier than green street on a sunday 12 p.m comes and no checkout button 1 p.m nothing still 2 p.m still nothing it gets later and later i'm breaking my fast with my laptop on the dinner table i'm even taking my phone to the toilet

Okay, that's not a big deal, I do that anyway.

But the point is, I've spent the whole day staring at free devices trying to locate a button that's harder to find than a halal meal in a service station.

The guides also clarified that they're unsure where exactly the checkout button will appear.

So I'm basically playing a 40 grand game of Where's Wally?

Now the website's placed me in a queue, my password's not working and the platform crashed.

All this before I've even packed a suitcase.

I'm tired, frustrated and impatient.

Then out of nowhere, boom!