Alison Cheperdak

For someone who's not sure what to say, like I was on a podcast recently about

fertility.

And we were talking about how so often people say nothing because they don't want to say the wrong thing, but you can say, I really love you.

I don't know what to say, but I want you to know my love for you.

And then I really want to support you.

And then if you have ideas that are specific of ways you can help, that's excellent because when someone's experiencing grief, it's generally much easier to say yes or no.

versus asking for something specific.

Like I was speaking with a friend recently who is a cancer survivor.

And she said that when someone said, let me know if there's anything I can do to help, she would think, well, it's weird for me to ask if you would donate to my GoFundMe page.

But if someone says like, what's the link to your GoFundMe page?

Or like something specific, like, can I pick up the kids on Tuesday?

Or...

Can I do your grocery shopping or whatever it is, big or small, help you with laundry, drive you to doctor's appointments.

The specific things are easier for someone to say yes or no to versus you're like creating a task for someone to come up with what they could potentially delegate.

And I share all that in broad terms as generalizations because not every family, not every law situation is going to be the same.

But those are some things to think about.

And I think another thing that's often overlooked in the world of grief is that oftentimes when someone goes through something hard, they want their community to know about it, but they don't necessarily want to be the one to tell everybody.

Let's say you had a miscarriage or you had a death in the family, or maybe you didn't get into that school or you didn't get that job that everybody knew that you wanted to get.

If there's someone else in your life that can help spread the words that you don't have to, that can be really helpful because as you experience a loss, it's like another layer of grieving each time you tell someone that will also be grieving as you share that sad news with them.

So sometimes if you can be the person to help share the sad news that people need to know, but it's hard to share, that can be a really kind gesture too.