Alyssa Nobriga

And I think more than just if conflict comes up or not, it's like, how do we repair through it? And so that's the bigger question. It's like, conflict's going to happen. It doesn't mean you don't have a good relationship, but how do you use it to grow closer together? I'm curious if there's any practices or exercises you recommend for couples navigating conflict.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And having a conscious container to do our own work so that the respect is always there.

Yeah. And having a conscious container to do our own work so that the respect is always there.

Yeah. And having a conscious container to do our own work so that the respect is always there.

Like, you know, when I was a couples therapist talking about how do you want to fight so you don't go to your reptilian brain and jab, there's a place for the part of you that maybe wants to blame and is a victim, but that's not going to ultimately be healthy if you let that part of you lead your relationship conversations. Yeah. And I hear you saying it's you as a couple against the problem.

Like, you know, when I was a couples therapist talking about how do you want to fight so you don't go to your reptilian brain and jab, there's a place for the part of you that maybe wants to blame and is a victim, but that's not going to ultimately be healthy if you let that part of you lead your relationship conversations. Yeah. And I hear you saying it's you as a couple against the problem.

Like, you know, when I was a couples therapist talking about how do you want to fight so you don't go to your reptilian brain and jab, there's a place for the part of you that maybe wants to blame and is a victim, but that's not going to ultimately be healthy if you let that part of you lead your relationship conversations. Yeah. And I hear you saying it's you as a couple against the problem.

You're a team instead of it being against each other. And I'll share one thing that my husband and I do that I find really helpful. We just made it up in case this serves anybody. So we say, can you hold? So if I'm super triggered... And I asked my husband, can he hold? Essentially, I'm asking him, is he regulated to some degree?

You're a team instead of it being against each other. And I'll share one thing that my husband and I do that I find really helpful. We just made it up in case this serves anybody. So we say, can you hold? So if I'm super triggered... And I asked my husband, can he hold? Essentially, I'm asking him, is he regulated to some degree?

You're a team instead of it being against each other. And I'll share one thing that my husband and I do that I find really helpful. We just made it up in case this serves anybody. So we say, can you hold? So if I'm super triggered... And I asked my husband, can he hold? Essentially, I'm asking him, is he regulated to some degree?

And if he's centered and regulated, then whatever I say, I'm going to ham up the part of me that is upset. This is an advanced tool, by the way. But it's a great tool. And it's helpful to know, can you hold? Because if both of you aren't regulated, don't have the conversation. So I will ham up the part of me that just wants to be allowed and expressed.

And if he's centered and regulated, then whatever I say, I'm going to ham up the part of me that is upset. This is an advanced tool, by the way. But it's a great tool. And it's helpful to know, can you hold? Because if both of you aren't regulated, don't have the conversation. So I will ham up the part of me that just wants to be allowed and expressed.

And if he's centered and regulated, then whatever I say, I'm going to ham up the part of me that is upset. This is an advanced tool, by the way. But it's a great tool. And it's helpful to know, can you hold? Because if both of you aren't regulated, don't have the conversation. So I will ham up the part of me that just wants to be allowed and expressed.

Let's say the victim, where I consciously complain. And anything that I say, he knows not to take it personally because we have the context set. So I might be like, you're the worst husband in the world. You know that it's your fault and you keep blaming me, but we both know that it's your fault.

Let's say the victim, where I consciously complain. And anything that I say, he knows not to take it personally because we have the context set. So I might be like, you're the worst husband in the world. You know that it's your fault and you keep blaming me, but we both know that it's your fault.

Let's say the victim, where I consciously complain. And anything that I say, he knows not to take it personally because we have the context set. So I might be like, you're the worst husband in the world. You know that it's your fault and you keep blaming me, but we both know that it's your fault.

And you have to exaggerate it because then you just start laughing because you can see how absurd it is. But then this part of us got to be expressed and allowed. And there's oftentimes nothing to do after it. But these are just helpful things that people can try. Again, you have to ask, can you hold? Because if you are not regulated, it's not going to be a healthy conversation.