Alyssa Nobriga

What have you seen around this pattern or if there's like a root cause or some of the things that people play out sabotaging their relationships?

In service to people recognizing it so they don't get sucked into it unconsciously.

In service to people recognizing it so they don't get sucked into it unconsciously.

In service to people recognizing it so they don't get sucked into it unconsciously.

I mean, it loops back. I think the biggest one I think you mentioned and I want to highlight is blame. And I think that when a self-sabotaging pattern that people can play out is when... instead of speaking to the vulnerable truth underneath the defense, people hang out in defense, which is blame.

I mean, it loops back. I think the biggest one I think you mentioned and I want to highlight is blame. And I think that when a self-sabotaging pattern that people can play out is when... instead of speaking to the vulnerable truth underneath the defense, people hang out in defense, which is blame.

I mean, it loops back. I think the biggest one I think you mentioned and I want to highlight is blame. And I think that when a self-sabotaging pattern that people can play out is when... instead of speaking to the vulnerable truth underneath the defense, people hang out in defense, which is blame.

So for example, if I feel like my husband's too busy, instead of speaking from that defense, like you're too busy, you work too much, I could speak to the vulnerable truth underneath, which actually would create more of the intimacy of what I want, which could sound like the story I'm telling myself is that I'm not important to you anymore.

So for example, if I feel like my husband's too busy, instead of speaking from that defense, like you're too busy, you work too much, I could speak to the vulnerable truth underneath, which actually would create more of the intimacy of what I want, which could sound like the story I'm telling myself is that I'm not important to you anymore.

So for example, if I feel like my husband's too busy, instead of speaking from that defense, like you're too busy, you work too much, I could speak to the vulnerable truth underneath, which actually would create more of the intimacy of what I want, which could sound like the story I'm telling myself is that I'm not important to you anymore.

So there's personal responsibility and speaking the vulnerable truth, or even just like, I'm scared we're drifting apart. And it's not defensive, it's vulnerable, but that creates the intimacy, ironically, that we're looking for. If we hang out in that defense, that protection mechanism, it actually creates the very thing we're avoiding. Yes.

So there's personal responsibility and speaking the vulnerable truth, or even just like, I'm scared we're drifting apart. And it's not defensive, it's vulnerable, but that creates the intimacy, ironically, that we're looking for. If we hang out in that defense, that protection mechanism, it actually creates the very thing we're avoiding. Yes.

So there's personal responsibility and speaking the vulnerable truth, or even just like, I'm scared we're drifting apart. And it's not defensive, it's vulnerable, but that creates the intimacy, ironically, that we're looking for. If we hang out in that defense, that protection mechanism, it actually creates the very thing we're avoiding. Yes.

So if we are trying to avoid feeling like disconnected or rejected, if we speak from the defense mechanism, we will be rejected. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Exactly. And so the courage, like we're speaking of, to lean in, to create the safety and the vulnerability inside of ourselves. I talk about insourcing safety.

So if we are trying to avoid feeling like disconnected or rejected, if we speak from the defense mechanism, we will be rejected. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Exactly. And so the courage, like we're speaking of, to lean in, to create the safety and the vulnerability inside of ourselves. I talk about insourcing safety.

So if we are trying to avoid feeling like disconnected or rejected, if we speak from the defense mechanism, we will be rejected. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Exactly. And so the courage, like we're speaking of, to lean in, to create the safety and the vulnerability inside of ourselves. I talk about insourcing safety.

Really feeling that inside of ourselves to then be able to speak that even if it, you know, as long as there's some level of safety in that relationship, don't just do this with everyone. As you practice that muscle, like it's easier over time. And then that the feedback is, is encouraging to keep going. Cause it's like, I want this level of depth and intimacy in all my relationships.

Really feeling that inside of ourselves to then be able to speak that even if it, you know, as long as there's some level of safety in that relationship, don't just do this with everyone. As you practice that muscle, like it's easier over time. And then that the feedback is, is encouraging to keep going. Cause it's like, I want this level of depth and intimacy in all my relationships.

Really feeling that inside of ourselves to then be able to speak that even if it, you know, as long as there's some level of safety in that relationship, don't just do this with everyone. As you practice that muscle, like it's easier over time. And then that the feedback is, is encouraging to keep going. Cause it's like, I want this level of depth and intimacy in all my relationships.

How do you encourage people? I guess I have two questions. How do you encourage people to move through that resentment? I heard you talk about let it go, but is there a practice or a tool or something people you find helpful?