Amy Schumer

And so my mom, who is a real gangster, calls me, goes, your dad's in the hospital. And the guy's still sleeping and I'm trying to cry. I'm like, oh my God, what? I have to leave on a plane. So I think that's the biggest lie. No, no, no.

I know. yeah but no my dad lives on he will not die he is very much with us but he did tell me the other day that he what he wants done with his ashes and I don't remember I need to write it down you know but this looks like a nice place is that an urn no no no but what he said was I just want to be with you and I'm like I don't think I can commit to eternity with my dad right now you know

I know. yeah but no my dad lives on he will not die he is very much with us but he did tell me the other day that he what he wants done with his ashes and I don't remember I need to write it down you know but this looks like a nice place is that an urn no no no but what he said was I just want to be with you and I'm like I don't think I can commit to eternity with my dad right now you know

I know. yeah but no my dad lives on he will not die he is very much with us but he did tell me the other day that he what he wants done with his ashes and I don't remember I need to write it down you know but this looks like a nice place is that an urn no no no but what he said was I just want to be with you and I'm like I don't think I can commit to eternity with my dad right now you know

yeah i think that's like a little much yeah like i don't know i want to see what my sister's up to like i want to see what everybody else is doing like your husband yeah like what i'm just gonna be with my dad forever like me and my dad like that's it yeah i think you can kind of do one of those where you're like absolutely and you look him in the eye and then once he's gone i flush his ashes right into the sea

yeah i think that's like a little much yeah like i don't know i want to see what my sister's up to like i want to see what everybody else is doing like your husband yeah like what i'm just gonna be with my dad forever like me and my dad like that's it yeah i think you can kind of do one of those where you're like absolutely and you look him in the eye and then once he's gone i flush his ashes right into the sea

yeah i think that's like a little much yeah like i don't know i want to see what my sister's up to like i want to see what everybody else is doing like your husband yeah like what i'm just gonna be with my dad forever like me and my dad like that's it yeah i think you can kind of do one of those where you're like absolutely and you look him in the eye and then once he's gone i flush his ashes right into the sea

Yeah, I'll put him somewhere nice.

Yeah, I'll put him somewhere nice.

Yeah, I'll put him somewhere nice.

I don't wear jewelry at all because it like I just feel weird. It looks weird on me.

I don't wear jewelry at all because it like I just feel weird. It looks weird on me.

I don't wear jewelry at all because it like I just feel weird. It looks weird on me.

I don't know. It just looks weird on me. Yeah, I'm nothing. Yeah.

I don't know. It just looks weird on me. Yeah, I'm nothing. Yeah.

I don't know. It just looks weird on me. Yeah, I'm nothing. Yeah.

I have no I am not bejeweled anywhere.

I have no I am not bejeweled anywhere.

I have no I am not bejeweled anywhere.

No, I let my holes close, including my vagina.