Andy Zaltzman

It's time to give us full uncontrolled executive power again.

And he did the King's speech last week.

So when they have the state opening of Parliament, one of the bizarre remnants of medieval cosplay that we still have in this country is the King is trooped into Parliament, sits in the House of Lords and reads out the government's slate of laws.

of policies, especially constitutional karaoke, someone else's words, not the best delivery, and probably best listened to when not completely sober.

So here we have the Royal Mumble, as it's also known, and he unveiled a raft of government plans, might not be the most durable of rafts in the current stormy political seas, and also unveiled a new facial expression, King Charles, which was constitutional exasperate baffledom.

And I think he found it particularly hard this time.

King Chuck because he's just come back from that trip in America that we talked about recently where he was cracking gags he was cracking his historical gags about the burning down the White House about the Boston Tea Party and now he's back home and he just has to read out a list of stuff that no one thinks is actually going to happen in the dullest possible tone of voice and you could see that in his eyes that sense I used to be someone

We miss him.

It's fun.

Just quickly, amongst the headline policies in the King's speech were the, well, would be headline policies if policies were ever headlines now.

And by now, I mean at any point in the last 10 years.

The European Partnership Bill, also known as the Maybe Next Time Start Sewing Your Parachute Before You Jump Out of the Aeroplane Bill.

The Immigration and Asylum Bill, also known as the Unworkable Local Solutions to Unsolvable Global Problems Bill.

The digital ID, they're bringing in plans to introduce compulsory digital ID, which will have access to the inner recesses of all of our British souls and send us real-time percentage Britishness readings to our mobile phones so we can keep up on exactly how

British we are at all times.

And they've also reached a compromise under which digital ID will be compulsory, but only for people planning to commit benefit fraud or other crimes.

Education for all, Bill?

That sounds like a fucking bad idea.

Frankly, we need education for none.

Education only upsets people.