Ann Jones

I'm sorry, respected Professor Mariana Wulfner, but I don't think I can take another semen fact right now.

Sex is weird, right?

And you're listening to a series all about it.

Sex is Weird is a special production of the What The Duck team.

That's me, Anne Jones, and Patria Ladgrove.

And in the next episode, we're going to get to some romance.

You've been listening to an ABC podcast.

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Very suave, erudite kind of guy.

Hello, Anne Jones and a duck from What the Duck.

Just letting you know that the program which follows will be talking all about animals getting to know each other in the biblical sense.

Which vertebrate species has the longest penis proportional to its body length?

Let me ruin my search history so that you don't have to.

It's a duck.

An Argentinian lake duck whose penis, when fully out for a picnic, is over 40 centimetres long, more than 10 centimetres longer than its body.

If ever there was a reason to hand in the library card of life to resign from the board of nature lovers, duck penises might be that reason.

It looks like Miss Piggy's tail deflated of helium with a bunch of spikes around the bottom.

And when the duck is ready to tango, he can use his lymphatic system to pump up the jam to 121 kilometres an hour.

Quick, to the point, absolutely rude.

Like an early morning naked jiggly sprint to put the bins out.