ArrDee

I've always been, I've like basked in the fact that I am this

bad person and is it that you also so you didn't want to be a dad did you also not want a committed relationship it doesn't that i didn't want it i didn't really think i was capable like i've never been able to hold down what's the word what it's monogamous oh yeah that's the singular one right exactly monogamy monogamous relationships and even like

I can care for someone, but it was always like once you were out of sight, you were out of mind.

I've hurt people, do you know what I'm saying?

I'm very aware of that.

And sounds horrible.

For a long time, I was also proud of that because that's who my dad was.

He was...

the top narcissist and that was super cool do you know what i mean um like just like even for a reference he his nickname for me is asmodeus asmodeus is the son of the devil somewhere in some kind of mythology and that's like it's that's our banter that's our relationship but that's that's that's been his nickname for me

throughout all my teenage years as well and I loved that that was again it's like yeah like we're bad you know I was saying like it was cool to not give a shit about no one or anything and it's so it's I look at it and it's kind of strange because my mum is so the opposite she is like the most loving open person all my mum was like the mum to all my friends right growing up so yeah so so Ocean she was aware of all this

Yeah, so she's been a friend for a long time and kind of saw all the different states that I've been in throughout majority of my career.

The more I got to know her as a friend and then as our relationship developed, she had been through so much and wore it very, very differently to how I wore it and her outlook on why she should wear it differently.

I had this newfound perspective of like just through falling in love with her and not just falling in love with her, but falling in love with her outlook on life.

It was probably one of the only ways I could have possibly have been changed because she didn't try and stall it into me in any way.

It was just the same way like we talked about my mum's mentality and how watching her do whatever she wanted to do made me believe I could do whatever I wanted to do.

It was like watching my partner and how she carries and dealt with all that and how she treats people, the kind of person she is.

I had said in that post she has a very special kind of light about her, like her energy.

And so, yeah, when we started speaking and, like, when we first, like, dated or, like, gave it a go in that realm rather than just being friends, I was like, trust me, you don't want to get wrapped.

I just try and do, like, the whole swagger.

Like, I'm so messed up.