ArrDee

Like, it actually kind of cringes me out when I'm saying it out loud now.

And she was very, like, yeah, cool.

Like, you know, when now we speak about it, she's like, I knew.

you were just you'd had such a warped perception of yourself and then slowly over time and it didn't happen overnight and we've had our ups and downs because it's complicated as i'm sure you know love is like i found myself healing through her which might sound a little bit codependent because it's not necessarily her job you know what i'm saying but it was like this new

Outlook.

Yeah, for so long.

Even while we were still in a relationship, it's something I've made clear to her.

Obviously, I'm at the age where that's things you discuss quite early in the relationship.

And I'd said, I don't want kids.

And when I asked why, I was like, because I'll be a shit dad.

I don't know how to be a good dad.

I was aware that this father-son relationship wasn't normal.

And I was like, well, that's all I know, but I also don't want to pass that on down.

And her answer was always like, that's why you're going to be the best dad.

And then we had a moment that changed all of that for me.

We had an atopic pregnancy before this pregnancy.

Um, she was excited.

And so if I'm honest at a time, I didn't think I wanted it, but I was up for it because she was up for it.

Yes.

She kept saying, like, I know something's wrong, like, I'm in a lot of pain.