ArrDee

This is now eight weeks in, and...

so yeah we got we've done a few private scans and basically they can't find it so they're like well the it must be a topic because we can't see the little egg or whatever and obviously she was distraught because not only did she really want this baby but she was also kind of aware that i wasn't quite ready what it done for me that i hadn't let her know at the time was

revealed to me that I was ready because even though I had all those worries, the second I found out it wasn't happening, my heart was broken as well.

And I'd said this, it was actually a conversation I'd had with my dad because I'd spoke to him and said, you know, I ain't ready for all this.

I'm not ready to hang the gloves up yet.

I'm like the lifestyle and all this kind of stuff.

And then I'd said like,

Yeah, I feel like shit.

And I was like, there actually was a part of me that was more excited than I thought.

I was just so used to pretending like I don't want to evolve in life and I want to be this version of myself that I told myself, no, I don't want kids and I'm this version of myself.

And then, like, obviously something like that will strip any kind of defence mechanism or mask, especially seeing my partner so upset.

And so...

yeah that had revealed that to me and i said that to her and just like that you're a dad no well now i am yeah i mean but now i mean yeah yeah obviously it was a process that again i didn't i've said to you that i stopped

I haven't drunk or I haven't been drunk.

I had a beer the other day for the first time or watching a football and just had one, which is a moment for me.

Do you know what I mean?

Um, but I haven't been drunk since January.

Obviously she was, she's been pregnant since August.

So there was still ups and downs and still a process for me to go through, but I was able to again, make.

be aware of myself and heal a little bit.