Ashley Boyson
speaker
58 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Dec 2024
Ashley Boyson’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I just remember thinking, like, there's no way this is my one answer. I said, I just needed something to fix, not break my entire life and break my family and leave these kids fatherless.
It was sparks right away with Emmett and I. We both just connected on so many levels and similarities, and we were kind of inseparable.
I wasn't surprised at all. Like six weeks in, we just started talking about our future and it wasn't like an option to not have a future together.
I remember during law school just almost feeling this, we gotta make this work. I mean, he was busy most of the time, and I was in the depths of motherhood, but I never saw it as a burden. I was just like, this is what we're doing, and we're just gonna get through this, and then life together will start, really.
It was kind of a, we have to push through this school time, and then it's all gonna be amazing.
And he always wanted to have friends over and parties and cook food for everybody. And he'd even invite like everyone from our church over and we'd have this huge pig roast. He just was a connector and never wanted anyone to feel alone. He was an only child. and just always wanted to be surrounded by people. And he just loved people, and people loved him.
When he said, I've got a job in Boise, let's move to Boise, I had some doubts. And I'll tell you the main reason why is he grew up here and knew a lot of people and also during his high school years made a lot of really bad choices. And I was like, I don't know if I want to move to the place where you had rough patches in your life. I kind of want to get a fresh start somewhere else.
But this literally was the only option and we ended up moving here.
It was kind of one of those, like, you drew up your life when you were a kid and now you have it. You're pregnant with your second boy. You have the white picket fence. Your husband has this amazing job, this amazing career. And yet I just kept feeling this like, is something not right? So it was a very torn time. Like I was living my dreams and internally something fell off a lot.
It had gotten to the point where he hardly was home. He was always running to the jail. He was always meeting with clients. Or he wasn't coming home, and I didn't know why a lot. And I wanted my family. I wanted my marriage. I wanted back the man who I fell in love with and who I loved. And whatever it was, we were going to face it together, and that was kind of my mindset.
He would come home sometimes and I could smell it. And that was some of the demons that I was afraid to move back to Boise because he had struggled with that when he lived here before.
I don't know if I didn't want to face the truth or if I just felt safer living in cognitive dissonance. I don't know, but there was always something inside of me pointing me in the direction that I knew something was wrong. I tried to find evidence of something wrong or some other woman or something. It was always a dead end, except for the pit in my stomach. It just wouldn't stop.
I remember that morning waking up and it had been months of me starting to dig like in a way that a full-time mom with five little kids can. I remember waking up though and I'm like, I'm not going to go through his truck while he's in the shower. I'm not going to try to get in his phone. That has proved to not work. I'm going to find an answer and I don't care what it is.
I'd gone to like a marriage therapist and asked him for help. I'd gone to someone at church and asked him for help. And I'm like, I got this. And I remember kneeling down by my bed going, Heavenly Father, I just need one answer. Tell me what's going on and I will fix it. I'm a woman. I'm strong. I can face it. I'm ready. Just help me figure out what it is.
At one point, I said, you know, lately, when you don't want to be intimate with me, I feel like either I'm not doing it for you or someone else is. And he was silent.
As a lawyer, Emmett was really good at his words. And so when his actions didn't match the words, I doubted me before I doubted his words. It was just like, I have anxiety because I'm not trusting. Like my parents got divorced. Maybe I'm not a trusting person because of this or this or my past. And I would just always turn it inward.
But the fear sometimes of knowing the truth keeps you from even wanting to look at it.
By the time he got off the phone, I had put the babies to bed and just kind of was waiting for him to come out. And I was hoping we were going to have this night where we just fought for each other. You know, you get those images of what this night could be. I had this grand idea that he was going to talk to him and his heart was going to be softened and he was going to come and open up to me.
and we were gonna face it head on together.
He looks at me and he goes, I'm gonna run to Walgreens real quick. I haven't been feeling really good. I have scratchy throat. I need to get some medicine. And like that feeling of anxiety and chaos that I felt, it was like 400 times stronger. And I just got this like pit in my stomach. I'm like, Emmett, please don't go.
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