Awhina

And I essentially had the experts, because they're not seen behind closed doors, put that back onto me and say, Adrian isn't showing up because I'm pushing him away.

By using language like we're not compatible, I'm essentially saying you're not good enough for me.

And so why would Adrian show up?

So...

and then also I had a few of the other girls when I brought up issues to them off camera where I said hey I think I want to go home again I was received with that same kind of feedback where it's like you're not giving Adrian a chance Adrian's a soulful man Adrian's given up a lot to be here you know you should give him a chance it's unfair because xyz left the experiment and then

Elliot leaving the experiment almost was like this big scary story because you watched how much people ripped him to shreds when he wasn't in a room to defend himself.

And now we all saw how that played out afterwards.

Lauren wasn't that great.

But in that moment when Elliot wasn't there, he got ripped to shreds.

I thought, oh my God, not only did I not get the love of my life, I'm also going to be this villain, this bad person for not trying.

I feel peer pressured, but not only that.

I recognized very early on there was a lot of characteristics within Adrian that I would never want for a life partner.

Now, if I saw a future with Adrian, a real future, he would have met my son.

Like I went in there for a life partner and I got a child.

I got a child.

I got a second child.

Now, the issue with that is you can blame peer pressure and you can blame the experts and production.

when i did choose to stay even though there were so many layers to that decision i'm spending a lot of time with this man intimately we're together five days a week without the rest of the group we're in an apartment on top of each other naturally feelings are going to develop and i did kind of develop like this care for adrian where i would keep seeing a child do the wrong thing and i wanted to keep helping him and i just i couldn't remove like

I didn't even have sex that night.

There was no intimacy.