Bela Gandhi

You know, I think in dating, vulnerability, I think it's Brene Brown that says vulnerability without boundaries is just oversharing.

So I think in the dating world, I tell my clients, people need to earn your story.

They don't get it up front just for asking.

You don't need to go into date one, date two, date three.

Well, here are all my scars.

Here are all my wounds.

Here are my crash and burn relationships.

Do you still want me?

We all, you know, it's like, I'm like, date?

This is my favorite metaphor.

Date like...

You've been on a three-week safari in Africa, right?

And you've got some old, sweaty, gross clothes that you're like, okay, I'm going to pack those at the bottom because if customs opened my bags, I want it to like look normal and kind of nice to wear the less worn cleaner stuff at the top.

That's how we all are as human beings.

And it's okay to date that way and to put out the easy breezier things about us in the beginning.

And everybody's different when it comes to what they're willing and what they feel like they're ready to share.

But people need to earn your story that you don't have to tell them something just because they ask the question if you're not ready.

Through trust, through multiple dates, through consistency, reliability, right?

How does anybody earn trust, right?

By showing up again and again, doing what you said you were going to do, feeling safe in their presence.