Bela Gandhi

They're going to want to be with me.

And this is where those same skills in careers don't always serve us in dating.

Well, if somebody doesn't love me enough, right, I'm going to do more.

Maybe I'm going to pick up all of your hobbies.

I'm going to transmorph myself into being someone that you want to be with 24-7 because me as I am, clearly you're keeping me at arm's length.

I'm going to learn how to cook all your favorite foods, do all the things you want to do, pretzel myself into becoming someone that I think you are going to love if I do these things.

Well, I don't think those characteristics in and of themselves are off-putting.

What can become off-putting, and this is the irony, it's I can be strong, smart, successful, competent, all of the things that you mentioned.

But if I truly believe in my subconscious, my conscious mind, that love doesn't exist for me, right?

What am I going to feel?

Or if I believe there's no good people out there, there's no one for me, that thought's going to lead to a feeling.

A feeling is a vibration, right?

And now, if I'm feeling that way, right?

I'm showing up great, but what's the vibe that I'm giving you?

Might be a little standoffish, might be a little nervous, might be a little performative, right?

And not real because what's actually driving me is the fear of, I'm not going to find love, or maybe you're broken, or maybe if you see the real me, I'm broken and you're not going to like me.

So the off-putting vibe isn't you're complete.

It's the fear.

It's the fear that comes off as a vibe.

No.