Cam Patterson

She had no way out, right?

She said, she's into this new hobby, domestic violence.

She assaulted me with her eggplant parm in the middle of that fucking restaurant and then called me the N-word.

Yeah, aggressive.

Yeah, that's what I said too, right?

My wiener's not that big.

And my credit score's good, you know what I'm saying?

Relax, right?

But domestic violence is a weird thing.

Look, I know I look like I hit women, but I don't.

You can't hit them, they fall weird.

They fall like newborn deer, you know what I'm saying?

And there's no winner for a man in domestic violence now, right?

You hit a woman, you're going to jail.

But if you get taken advantage of in that fucking Olive Garden, you're a faggot.

She got a pussy like a snapping turtle, so did I learn my lesson?

No, am I gonna see her again?

Probably.

She jerked me off in the shower with a rubber glove.

behind like a stranger you ever jerked off that frog in the science project that's what i'm talking about i'm uncle laser thank y'all so much there you go why the rubber glove very interesting it's really not a rubber glove she had one of them exfoliating gloves like women do on their skin and shit and she put a little lotion on that just beat me off from behind like a stranger would it was fucking incredible is that true no i said that i wish i was telling jokes i'm just telling stories man okay uncle laser louis