Caroline Foran

How old was he when he got the diagnosis?

Five.

Five?

Oh, only recently?

It's only last September.

Oh.

way um so I remember saying to him the first thing I said was oh it wasn't all our fault like we didn't do this okay um so I think well that awareness has helped me stop blaming myself which is I mean when you become a parent like it's it's impossible not to feel responsible for every little thing and quirk and challenge um but I am I'm very good at um

acknowledging when I'm in when the shit hits the fan for me which it happens often in this new chapter of my life and it doesn't matter how much work I've done on myself it doesn't matter how much I overcame anxiety or how much I know it when you put someone in the situation that I'm in where you're parenting a little person who you love so much who you are responsible for whose nervous system needs your nervous system to cope who like he carries so much anxiety and that's part of the neurodiversity yeah

It is impossible not to fall apart with that.

It doesn't matter how much work you've done.

Yeah, I absolutely do.

Then I allow myself to be very compassionate.

No, I really regularly need to say, I'm not coping today.

I saw a quote, it was like an old Victorian phrase and it was like, I'm a bad case of the morbs, they used to say.

And some days that pull, that depressive pull, because I feel in this situation now,

it's not, I can't actually change anything.

You know, I, whereas before when it was just me, I could do, try all the things and do all the things.

I, I can't change this situation for him.

It's just hard in and of itself.

And especially cause he's so young.