Charles Duhigg
speaker
1,650 appearances
6 recordings
6 series
first heard Jan 2026
last heard 1 Jul
Charles Duhigg’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 6 in all, peaking in Feb 2026 with 2.
Appearances
It's not to convince them of something.
It's not to win a fight.
It's literally to understand what they are saying and to help them understand what you are saying.
And if you do that, then even if you both walk away disagreeing with each other, the conversation has been a success.
So a big part of it is, as I mentioned, not all conversations have to be conversations, right?
Sometimes someone's in the wrong frame of mind and it's okay to say, let's table this.
Let's bring this up tonight when we might be a little bit more relaxed.
The second thing you can do is that proving that we're listening, that looping for understanding when we're asking a question, repeating back what we just heard in our own words, asking if we got it right.
That's going to convince the other person that we want to understand them, and they're going to want to understand us in return.
It's almost hardwired in our brain.
We can't help ourselves but want to connect when someone is looping for understanding.
But the third and the most important thing is just to ask the person, what do you want out of this?
There's this process at the beginning of every conversation that psychologists and economists refer to as a quiet negotiation, where we're trying to figure out not only what we're going to talk about, but how we're going to talk about it.
Is it okay to interrupt each other?
Is this a formal chat or a casual conversation?
And during that quiet negotiation, one of the most powerful things you can do is simply say,
look, you seem like you're upset and I want to understand why.
I might not agree with you, but I want to understand.
Can you tell me what's going on that's made you a little bit agitated?
And that's making the quiet negotiation a little bit louder.
Showing 1041–1060 of 1,650 · page 53 of 83
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